Oh, ghosting. I think we’ve all had our fair share of ghosting as both the victims and the ghosters. Irrespective of whether you’ve been ghosted in the past or not by someone else, there are a lot of pretty good reasons why you shouldn’t ghost someone.
Let’s get this straight, when you’re not into someone, it’s easy to just go radio silent. But when you’re the person being ghosted, it’s the worst feeling in the world. You feel like no one likes you, no one wants to be with you, and you spend hours analyzing everything you ever said to them in hopes of finding out what you did wrong. In other words, you become a mess. A giant sad mess.
So when it comes to ghosting, it’s not the right thing to do to someone who you’re no longer interested in. Why not just tell them? That being said, there are also some situations where ghosting is acceptable. Though, it’s not too hard to differentiate between the two.
If you’re not sure why you shouldn’t ghost someone and times when it’s okay to ghost them, follow this guide. I’ll show you when ghosting is a no-no, and when ghosting is perfectly acceptable.[Read: Why being ghosted hurts so much and what you need to do about it]
Why you shouldn’t ghost someone *say it to their face instead!*
You can do better than ghosting.
#1 It’s immature. Listen, unless this person is behaving disrespectfully or crossing your boundaries, you need to end the relationship with respect. Ghosting this person is a big sign of immaturity on your part. If you were able to sleep with them or get to know them on an intimate level, then you can tell them it’s not working out for you.
#2 It doesn’t give closure. When you ghost someone, you’re not telling them, “Hey, this isn’t working out for me. I think we should go our separate ways.” You’re essentially saying nothing, which is neither a yes or a no. It’s just silence. You’re not letting this person move on with a clear mind. Instead, you’re leaving the door a smidge open. [Read: What does it mean when someone’s ignoring your texts on purpose?]
#3 How would you feel if you were ghosted? Have you been ghosted before? Listen, I’ve ghosted and have been ghosted; it never felt good to have it done to me. As the person who has been ghosted, you feel it’s your fault. Like you did something so wrong that this person can’t even end things like a normal person.
#4 Did I mention it’s traumatic? If this person really liked you, ghosting them suddenly will obviously cause trauma. How can it not be traumatic? You think things are going well with someone and then they just disappear. There will be endless questions going through their head, and the fear of it happening again to them. [Read: Why do friends ghost you? Why it hurts so fiercely and why they do it]
#5 Leave the situation as an authentic person. Don’t you want to leave the situation feeling good about how things ended? Okay, you’ll never feel amazing, but knowing you were honest and genuine to yourself and them is really something to be proud of. It’s not easy being honest in difficult situations.
#6 You will overcome your own insecurities. Who honestly enjoys ending relationships with someone who you know has feelings for you? No one. It sucks. But this is something you need to get used to. There will be plenty of more uncomfortable situations heading your way in and outside of your romantic life. You need to learn how to be okay with uncomfortable moments.
#7 Not ghosting can be a learning lesson. When you want to end a relationship, whether it was serious or not, talking about what didn’t work always helps both people. It’s your chance to see what went wrong. Maybe it was just a lack of chemistry, but it could be something more specific that you feel this person needs to work on and vice versa. [Read: How to apologize for ghosting someone and undo the damage you caused them]
#8 These people are actually human. Now that everyone is swiping left or right to find love, it’s easy to think that the people we meet online aren’t actually people. That’s the thing about online * ; it dehumanizes the people who are trying to look for love. Behind the screen is an actual human being with feelings and thoughts.
It’s clear why you shouldn’t ghost someone, but is there ever a time when you can ghost someone, and have it be acceptable? The answer is yes. Here are the scenarios when ghosting is perfectly fine.
5 situations when ghosting someone is OK
Okay, so this doesn’t mean you should never ghost someone. In many scenarios, ghosting is perfectly acceptable, and you don’t need to feel bad for not responding to them. When can you ghost someone guilt-free?
#1 They’re emotionally manipulative. If you feel that this person is showing signs of emotional manipulation or are highly aggressive, by all means, you have the right to cut things off. When someone isn’t genuinely interested in you, you don’t need to give them a reason why you don’t want to speak with them anymore.
#2 You feel unsafe. Your gut is giving you strong vibes to stay away from this person, and by all means, you should. Whether this person is asking inappropriate questions, making you feel threatened, whatever the case may be, you have all the right not to reply to them. When you sense harm, cut them off.
#3 Your boundaries are being disrespected. They were a little pushy, and you kindly told them where your personal boundaries are, which is great. Obviously, they should respect your wishes. But if they’re continuing to push and try to cross the line, then you can ghost them. They don’t respect you, and it’s clear. [Read: How to set boundaries in a healthy relationship – 15 must-follow rules]
#4 You said no, and they won’t leave you alone. They asked you out, and you said no. Then, they asked you out again, and you, again, said no. Then they asked you out again, and of course, your answer was still no.
If you’ve been very straightforward with them and give them a solid no, then there’s no reason why the conversation needs to continue. If they don’t understand what no means, they will once you stop replying to them. [Read: Ghosting someone – 12 ways to disappear quickly and get away clean]
#5 They’re still not getting the hint. You’ve been subtle; you’ve even told them straight to their face that you’re not interested. And yet, they just won’t stop contacting you and trying to push things forward. At this point, it’s clear talking isn’t getting you anywhere with them. So, ghosting them is the last resort to tell them no.