Have you ever caught yourself still having feelings for the last man on earth to deserve you loving him? Deep down, you are very much aware that you shouldn’t be thinking about him and that you are crazy for still caring about him but you just can’t help yourself.
When you look at things clearly, you see this guy’s true colors. You remember everything he put you through—you remember the emotional abuse, the manipulation and the cheating.
You remember how this guy made you feel—you remember all the humiliations and disappointments he kept putting you through.
When you think of him, you remember all the bad stuff—all the second chances you gave him and all the times he did everything in his power to belittle you in every way. But you also remember the good things.
You remember how he made you feel in the beginning. You remember the butterflies and the roller coaster of emotions he would put you through every time you guys made up.
You remember the feeling that you were on top of the world as long as you were holding his hand. The feeling of losing the ground under your feet every time he looked at you.
And there you are, missing him all over again, even though you shouldn’t. There you are, still loving your abuser, even though it is the last thing you should be feeling.
All of this makes you feel incredibly guilty. How come you can love someone who has done you so much harm?
How can you care for someone who has damaged you this much and who has left in-erasable scars on your broken heart? Someone who made your life a living hell and who changed the essence of your personality?
How come you can’t move on and let go of the memory of the man who shattered your heart to pieces? Of the man who walked away from you, without ever looking back and who abandoned you, when you needed him the most?
How come you can still love the man who obviously never loved you for real? Who took advantage of your love and who never cared for your well-being?
And yet, here you are, doing just that. Here you are missing him, holding on to him, caring for him and still loving him. So what exactly is wrong with you?
Well, let me tell you one thing—everything that you are feeling right now is completely normal and natural. After all, this man was a huge part of your life for years and you can’t erase him from your memory just like that.
Remember that you are just a human being, despite all of your strength. You can’t shut down your emotions by pressing a button.
But the truth is that you probably just think you love this man. For years, he made it his job to brainwash you into thinking that he was the only man cut out for you. He made it his mission to convince you that you should be thankful for having him around and that no other man could ever love you the way he did.
For years, this man manipulated you into thinking that he was the good guy and that you were the one who was responsible for him mistreating you. Into thinking that you’d never love anyone the way you loved him and that your relationship was a karmic connection that only happens once in a lifetime.
And even though now you know that all of this is bullshit, you spent years believing every word this guy was telling you. So it is natural that somewhere in the back of your head, you can still hear his tiny voice, repeating all of this. It is natural that he changed your self-image and perspective of love and relationships.
And that is exactly what this narcissist wanted to do—he wanted to cage you for life and he wanted to make you believe that you could never make it on your own. Because that was the only way for him to keep you around.
But here you are, learning to live without him, the same way you’ll learn to unloved him. Here you are, surviving his absence and getting over him.
So, if you could’ve managed this, if you could’ve cut this toxic man out of your life and if you’ve been strong enough to break all ties with him, what makes you think that you won’t be strong enough to stop thinking about him as well? Because I assure you that you will.
Just don’t expect it to happen overnight because these things take time and effort. But trust me—one of these days, the memory of this man will slowly start to vanish from your heart.
One of these days, you’ll be completely liberated. And one of these days, you’ll meet a man whom you’ll love for real and you’ll realize that everything I was telling you was nothing but the truth.