To be or not to be? To stay friends with someone you once loved or, rather, not to? It is an inevitable question that invades our mind after a break-up.
Sometimes we’re not even aware of it and we subconsciously consider the idea of staying friends with them because we’re afraid of completely losing them from our life. When love ‘shuts down’, it somehow comes naturally to us to think about friendship with the person with whom we once shared everything.
But in the majority of cases, this is not as good an idea as it might seem. Staying friends with someone you once loved means erasing the past that the two of you share together and not wanting to do anything with them that is not related with ‘being friends’ (except if you’re friends with benefits).
6 Reasons Why You Can’t Be ‘Just Friends’ With Someone You Once Loved
1. You need time to grieve
The number one reason why you can’t be just friends with them is because you need time to grieve. It doesn’t matter whether your partner is the one who initiated the break-up or perhaps you, you simply need some alone time to understand the situation and heal properly.
And if you stay friends with them, you will never be able to heal yourself. You will never be able to live in peace and harmony with yourself because the decision to stay friends with them will haunt you.
2. You’ve been intimate
Intimacy is something we shouldn’t take for granted because it is a powerful force that connects us with another human being. And once you’re connected, it is hard to disconnect. It is hard to forget the smell of their hair, the way they kiss or hug.
Once you share your heart and intimacy with someone, they automatically become a part of you and that is why it is almost impossible to all of a sudden shift to the ‘just friends’ label. You will always have some déjà vus and they will always remind you of what the two of you used to have.
3. You will be unable to move on
If you decide to stay friends with them, you will never be able to move on. You will dwell in your past and the present at the same time.
And the more you go forward, the more you’ll be pulled back. You will never be able to find your true self and erase your past because you’ll be too busy thinking about what went wrong.
4. It could make your new partner jealous
Staying friends with your ex could greatly affect your new, potential partner. They could become jealous and start questioning whether you’ve gotten over them or not. And it will influence them to behave possessively even though they’re not that kind of a person.
They will never be 100% sure that you’ll not change your mind and reunite with them and that will cause stress and unnecessary arguments with your new, potential partner.
5. You will be on a constant emotional roller coaster
If you stay friends with someone you once loved, be prepared to be on a constant emotional roller coaster. You will have mixed feelings about everything. Their actions will remind you of your happy moments together and it will make you question the validity of your decision to go separate ways.
Emotions are really tricky and our brain never forgets anything. Even one word that he uttered before can trigger certain emotions in you and make you feel lost and confused. It is because your brain does not understand that it is over.
Your brain is wired to enjoy the things you used to enjoy before and that is why your feelings may pop up when you least expect them. And you’ll be in a constant labyrinth of questioning everything.
6. People might get the wrong idea
Your friends and family might confuse it with you trying to reunite with them and that is why they will start asking you unnecessary questions. Proving to them that your intentions are exclusively friendly will not reassure them.
And it is really frustrating when you need to validate your every step and thought to them. To you, ‘just friends’ might mean something completely different to what they are imagined and in this case, staying away from your ex would be a much better alternative.