I was still picking up my shatter pieces trying to glue them back together when I met you. I was far from ready to start something new, my heart was hardly beating.
I was learning to breathe again, I was learning to love myself again I was trying to put my life back on the right track — I wasn’t expecting you to cross my path.
You see all I was used to was pain and disappointment. It was all I knew and it became normal even if I knew deep down it was far from it.
That’s why you came as a shock, you see for me getting hurt was something I expected but all that happiness that you brought into my life is something I never imagined — the feeling.
It felt amazing, I never felt anything like it before. You calmed my anxieties and fears with reassurance. You were always open and honest and I never had to work hard to decipher mixed signals as I did in the past. I wasn’t the only one making all efforts it was all reciprocated. The emphasis was on creating emotional bonds and not just physical.
And I stood in awe thinking that this can’t be real, men like you don’t exist, I am in a dream and I don’t want to wake up from it ever.
But my fears kept waking me up, I was so scared to lose you. I was terrified out of my mind because for the first time I had something genuine and real. I had someone who knows how to love.
Our relationship progressed fast, it was easy for you to open up and invite me into your world and your heart. But, I was still guarded, I was still brokenhearted so I tried to slow us down.
I was scared that love that lights fast will burn even faster. I was scared that you will be the same as he was. I was full of doubts in the relationship we were trying to create.
So I kept running away, but you never let me, you were just pulling me closer.
I wanted you to know all about me, so I literary told you everything — from things I was most proud of to the ones that I was so ashamed of. I shared happy stories with you as well as the most painful ones.
I wanted you to know the real me and not just the good parts. I wanted you to know that I still haven’t found a way to let go of my past. I wanted to bear my soul and what’s left from my heart.
My past didn’t allow me to enjoy my present. The pain I carried with me kept mixing with happiness and I was so lost.
And once more, you left me speechless, you treated my words, my fears and my anxious thought like they were the most normal thing in the world.
You hugged me so long and so hard until I started feeling safe in your embrace. I really needed that.
I needed someone who understands. I needed someone who accepts. I needed someone who actually cares about me.
But don’t ever think that you were there to fill some void that somebody else left. You were there as an angel sent from the heavens that stood by me while I was strong enough to fill that void myself.
I had to fix myself, I had to find my own smile again I had to heal completely. I had to fight my insecurities. I had to resolve trust issues that someone else created and stop doubting you for no good reason.
I had to find myself so I could find you in this love story you were building for us all along.