Many couples doubt the existence of their relationship. Some want to separate because they have “lived apart “. Some couples experience a breach of trust. Other couples miss some qualities in their partnership while they only hear the neighboring couple arguing. Your commonality?

They are at the same crossroads: ” Can we save our relationship? When is it worth it and when does it just hurt? 

We’ll get to the bottom of this question today and at the same time show you how you can save your relationship.

We can already anticipate one thing: what diverges can also ” live together ” again …

First, let’s take a look at the concept of a relationship and find out why relationship conflicts arise.


What is a relationship and why are there relationship conflicts?

When two people find each other, they do so for many different reasons.

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Some are looking for someone who makes them happy and with whom they feel good. The others may be looking for a partner with whom they can go through thick and thin.

By entering into a partnership , an invisible bond forms, which we can call love.

Two stories meet in a relationship. Two lives , two experiences, two ways of thinking, views and ways of life that are based on your previous life experience.

You can probably also understand that conflicts quickly arise when these two lives collide.

Often the behavior of your partner may remind you of unhealed wounds from the past. For example, in situations where you both know that the current issue is only about the “ tip of the iceberg ”, but in reality patterns from previous experiences are taking hold.

The art of the whole is to strengthen the invisible bond of love so that your love can grow …

… and to do so despite emerging conflicts.

A relationship is the most beautiful, deepest and sometimes most intense form of encounter. It can help you let go of old wounds and grow beyond you with mutual support . It can hurt every now and then. You may have already felt this and confused the feeling with ” the relationship is not good for me “.

Which brings us closer to the question: “ When does a relationship really do me no good? 

When you don’t have to continue a relationship

In theory, the higher meaning of a relationship sounds very conclusive. The abundance of emotions associated with it can quickly be challenging and sometimes even toxic.

For example, if you doubt your relationship , the questions you are likely to ask yourself are:

” Does this relationship harm me? Do I just hold onto something toxic and my partner reminds me of it with his behavior? 

Answering this question is sometimes very tricky. It’s best to take some time to answer this question without acting hastily.

That is why we recommend you in such situations

  • talk openly about it with your partner.
  • to meditate and to be honest with yourself.
  • to write down your emotions
  • to seek professional help from outside.

In many cases, you can assume that the same problem will occur again with your next partner if this issue is not solved within you.

A (slightly provocative) example

” Paula ” is with a man (” Martin “) who asks her not to go out with her friends in the evening. Why? Because he thinks women shouldn’t be alone at night. And he carries out this demand . They fight. She is absolutely not comfortable with her boyfriend telling her what to do or not to do.

Furthermore Paula knows very well that Martin’s demand against her is wrong, but it has to do with his view of women. He wants control of the situation.

Now she is researching her past and finds that her ex asked her to dye her hair blonde because he thought it was good. He kept pushing her, making it clear that she looked less beautiful with brown hair. This was also about control.

She broke up because she didn’t want to share her life with a man like that.

Paula does even more research and realizes that her father also has control over her mother. She grew up with it. When Paula separated from her ex, she practically fled from this problem. With her behavior, her ex showed her a pattern from her family, namely the control of a man over a woman.

Since she could not (or did not want to) actively deal with it so far, she carried the topic around with her. The energy of it chased her. So Paula put on her current boyfriend Martin, who shows her exactly the same (albeit unconsciously) with his behavior.

She is now faced with the question above: ” Is it him or is it me? 

The solution is that she decides to no longer accept this in her relationship. She does not want to flee and escape the situation. Because Paula can interrupt the pattern.

Paula and Martin can save their relationship if they actively deal with their patterns. A process that requires patience and will strengthen your bond of love.

The relationship can become toxic if Martin is unwilling to let go of her with his point of view (and it stresses her). Then she should consider ending the partnership .

In most cases, a partnership can no longer be saved if the two do not deal actively and honestly with one another and the daily life is made extremely difficult by the relationship.


Save relationship – when it’s worth it …

Unfortunately there is no blanket answer to this question. Only you decide where your personal limits are.

The more toxic and stressful the relationship, the less likely it is to succeed in a relationship rescue operation.

Only you and your partner decide what you want and can live with and what not. Whatever you choose, it’s okay.

If you two agree on a common direction and the strength of your love, it can be worth saving the relationship.

Before we come to specific tips on how to save your relationship, we would like to take a look at something together with you: How you can save a relationship even though you have “lived apart ”.

The illusion of living apart

If you love someone and the relationship is important to you, you will probably do everything to strengthen that love.

This can develop your relationship in a thousand different directions. Since you two not only bring love, trust, appreciation and solidarity, but also fears, insecurities and trauma, conflicts and misunderstandings can quickly arise.

They symbolize small stones that stand in the way of your love. And that is natural.

It can happen that you “live apart ” when you only see stones and everything seems insurmountable. Sometimes living apart is simply a decision that is made unconsciously in a particular conflict.

A moment when we decide “ Oh no, that’s too difficult and exhausting for me now. “Often you just need a break.

When you talk about ” maintaining love” , we are representative of the invisible bond that connects you.

If you put all your (inner) conflicts together (see the example from above), you are actually strengthening your bond of love and living together again.

If you’ve read this far, congratulations! Maybe that was a big heap of new information that you can process first. When you’re ready, you will now learn your strategies on how to save your relationship. No matter what happened.


Saving relationships: step by step to new happiness

Action ” save relationship ” – preparation

  1. Weigh the decision

Do you want to save your relationship? Do you two believe in your love? Is your relationship more toxic or do you see a common path? Decide this together. Here it is important that you determine a common direction that you are heading for.

  1. Fill up the ” love tank “

If you want to save your relationship, you can give yourself a lot of love. It helps to first decide to be full of love – even if the situation is a little tense right now.

However, if you are full of anger, anger, sadness – you can only give anger, anger, sadness …

… because if you give more love, love becomes more. If you give a lot of anger, anger, nagging, the tension usually only grows unnecessarily.

Fill yourself up with love – through self-acceptance, self-love and affirmations for you and your relationship. This creates love for you, for your partner, for something beautiful that is currently present in your life.

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  1. Go through relationship problems to save a relationship

Discuss what problems are currently pending. Is it infidelity? Is it jealousy or control? Was there ultimately a change in life? Where can fears, worries and doubts have arisen?

Changes often bring about conflicts. Because one of you is asked to develop or adapt …

… and sometimes a relationship problem can grow out of it.

There are many reasons why your relationship should not continue, and probably as many who argue for saving your relationship.

Think carefully about what you want for each relationship topic. What are the things that are absolutely important to you? Where you can’t / don’t want to give in?
What are the options for negotiation and compromise?

Some wishes will harmonize perfectly, some will come into conflict. That’s okay. It is important that they have a right to exist. You don’t have to like everything your partner thinks or how he does things … at this point only you decide: ” How far am I willing to compromise? 

  1. Why do you want to save your relationship?

There are also intentions that are promising and others that are less.

Why did you start the relationship from the start? And why should it be continued today?

Do you want this relationship because you love each other or because you’re afraid of being alone?

Feel free to take your time to answer these questions. If you are ready and you have been able to implement your preparatory measures, it is now time to go to the power plan of action ” save relationship “.


Action ” save relationship ” – your power plan

  1. Having a relationship means talking to each other, talking and talking even more

A relationship often ends when open, respectful and appreciative communication ends. Sometimes the abundance of topics, patterns and entanglements is so overwhelming that you lose your strength. That can happen because we are all human.

It is important that you grit your teeth at these times and continue. Not all relationship problems can be solved within a day or a week. In such moments, a little mindful distance helps. And the reflection on you and your love.

A break may also help you.

Talk about what happened. Expresses how you feel. Leave your emotions free (everyone for themselves and together).

  1. Professional help

Consider starting couple therapy – open up for professional help from outside. A new, objective (and trained) point of view can work wonders and quickly get you back on the right track.

Most of the time, we humans are deeply involved in the patterns that we no longer know where down and where up is.

  1. The 5 languages ​​of love – which do you speak in your relationship?

An example.

” Lisa ” wants to part with her friend ” Carlos ” because he often doesn’t listen to her and she wants to spend quality time with him. Carlos doubts his love for Lisa because she often rejects him when he wants to initiate pats. Both feel deeply unhappy and wonder whether another partner might be better suited …

… they probably speak two different love languages and do not recognize their mutual love.

According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 languages ​​of love . According to him, there are 5 ways to communicate love. He believes that each of us speaks at least one or two – the primary and the secondary. We understand the other languages ​​less well and may learn them.

Love can be communicated with these 5 languages:

  • Words of affection – love is expressed in words. With compliments, lots of “ I love you ”, love letters and confessions.
  • Gifts – Love is expressed in the form of gifts. In the form of the chocolate bar you brought with you, the bouquet or the spontaneous meal invitation. Gifts are a real expression of love and not an expression of obligation.
  • Helpfulness – Whose primary love language is helpfulness will offer his love in the form of help. Even if it is really uncomfortable for one. Such a partner invests a lot of time and energy in simplifying the life of his partner. All of this without any sense of duty.
  • Quality Time – People who express their love through high-quality couple time (such as Lisa) will do everything they can to give their partner all the attention in the world. They do this by actively listening, planning a lot of time together for two, and enjoying the time together.
  • Physical Touch – Expressing love through physical closeness is to be distinguished from love needs. Love is given here through emotional closeness (as with Carlos). This can happen through hugs, with a pat on the shoulder or by holding your hand.

Could you find out for yourself which is your primary and secondary language of love? Could you also recognize your partner in it?

Do you also recognize relationship problems that can arise due to your different love languages? Then you can do more research at this point.

  1. Save relationship after a breach of trust

The following tips are in the event that a breach of trust has occurred. Let’s take a look at the cheating example – however, the tips can be applied to any kind of breach of trust.

For many couples, trust is the cornerstone of love . If there is a breach of trust, this shakes the relationship structure properly.

Even if it sounds hard (from your current perspective): an affair gives you information that the other is missing something. Few people cheat badly and want to hurt on purpose.

When couples speak openly and honestly about it, they often find that one of them is missing something that another person could give him or her.

An affair can therefore be a lifesaver and strengthen the relationship at its core . ” Forgiveness ” plays a major role here. Both partners must be willing to speak openly and honestly about it … and make a firm decision about the further course of the relationship.

The process looks very simple at first glance, but it brings with it a lot of emotions. In the course of the forgiveness process, some uncertainties and fears will arise that you may not have experienced to this extent. And that is good – because it heals the trust and the relationship between the two partners.

Only through open, clear, honest, continuous work on the pain can trust be restored – and become stronger than ever.


If there is a breach of trust in your relationship, you can do the following:

  1. Awarded affair – only for two

Did you cheat Then you can begin to understand the pain caused and feel it with all your heart. Here is absolute honesty asked: Do you feel at this point no real remorse for your caused pain can probably grow from it not a new genuine trust.

Have you been cheated on Then you can honestly decide for yourself whether you can (and want to) forgive your partner. Question what exactly hurt you about his act and whether you can handle it, maybe even grow from it. If you can both do your part, there is a healthy basis for new, even deeper trust.

  1. Save your partnership with appreciative communication

As mentioned above – please don’t stop talking openly, respectfully, honestly (and without reproach). Accepts any feeling of anger, sadness, remorse, aggression. As long as you don’t become physical.

In order not to accumulate these emotions in your body, look for an outlet. Find a way to relieve your stress – best just for you (or with friends). By doing this, you are not ” throwing ” each other with emotions.

Even if you feel the urge to yell at your partner and let your anger run free – actively decide against it. In the end, this may create even more frustration.

There are 4 different types of men!

This anonymous test helps you out
with what you’ll be happy.

“What type

fits to you?”

Find out!

Start the test

This test will help you find your dream man. With this unique test we want to give you the opportunity to get your problems with the men’s world under control. So take 1 minute and answer all 6 questions.

The results vary from person to person and you will be offered perfectly tailored solutions.

  1. The emotions have to get out of the body

The anger that you two may feel often should be released. The following method can give you a lot of relief (without your partner getting it all).

If you are alone and you feel anger boiling up – imagine your partner is right in front of you. Bundle all the anger you have (you will probably feel something like a fireball in your stomach) and let it out. Shout at ” him “, romp around, say everything (yes, also the politically incorrect, hurtful, ” anti-social “).

Free yourself.

The trick here: you carry out this intensive type of meditation with a loving intention towards you. With an ” I accept this anger and it’s okay ” attitude. The fireball in your stomach will dissolve!

But be careful! If you try to get that anger out of your body with an “I want to get rid of this anger” attitude, it probably stays. All of your emotions just want to be “heard”. If you give them space for a moment, they will disappear on their own.

The same applies to other emotions.

This exercise, even if it sounds unusual, can be incredibly healing and is probably very good for you.

  1. Be good to yourself during this difficult phase of your relationship

Regardless of whether you cheated or injured – take good care of yourself in times of a forgiveness process. To get back in balance, take your time to make important decisions.

Repeat the exercise described above if something comes up in you.

  1. Avoid blaming

Nothing disturbs and distorts appreciative communication more than the fingers that point to each other. Blaming is usually an expression of pain. The same applies here: collect the blame for your time alone in the anger capsule.

Since blaming is a thing of the past, it is no longer conducive to your future. You can therefore express them as wishes (and from a first-person perspective).

An example.

” You always reject me when I want to cuddle and always believe that I want to have love right away 

You can rephrase this:

“ I have the feeling that sometimes I am rejected by you because I send the wrong signals. Probably you think I want to have love … even if I just like to cuddle with you sometimes. In the future I will take care to show you better and communicate what is important to me right now. Should I forget that, remember fondly, okay? 

The wish is the same – the effect and the way of communication is completely different.

If you take the tips and thoughts from this article to heart, you can probably save your relationship. It is important that you are ready to work together on this partnership and to grow. Establishing, maintaining and saving a relationship is a path that must be followed by two people.



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