At the beginning of a relationship, everything is probably fantastic. You have butterflies in your stomach, heart racing and your entire world revolves around one thing: your great love. The familiarity between you grows. With this, the habit gradually comes into being. When you live together, everyday life automatically moves in. Love words are becoming rarer.

In the evenings there is no time or energy for joint ventures . Often enough you end up exhausted and exhausted side by side on the sofa. In love terms, too, you may be less crazy about each other than at the beginning. This can raise doubts about the relationship .

But is the uncertainty really justified? We’ll tell you how you can find out if he / she loves you (still) and whether your relationship is stable.

Doubts about love are perfectly normal. Everyone questions their own living conditions from time to time.

Did I imagine my life like this? I want to rest of my life with this man or this woman to be together?

These and similar questions come up naturally at some point in long-term relationships.

Typical problems that raise doubts about the relationship

  • Constriction : You have no freedom.
  • Monotony : Your partnership lacks variety.
  • Lovelessness : Your friend does not show you his / her feelings. Love is missing.
  • Harmony : everything is going well in your relationship. However, you ask yourself whether it shouldn’t be better, more romantic or just completely different.

Do you have legitimate concerns or not?

You can use these eight questions to check for yourself whether you are right to doubt love and relationship.

  1. Doubt No. 1: Do you fit together?

Opposites may attract you, you’ve heard that before. However, a happy partnership is more likely if you are alike.

This is the result of a study with more than 6,000 pairs . This includes a similar outlook on life, values ​​and personality. Your hobbies and interests do not necessarily have to be congruent. It could be boring. Freedom in which everyone pursues their own occupation is good for the relationship.

The American psychologist Darren George also mentions other things that should fit together in couples:

  • The enthusiasm for sports
  • a similar physical resilience,
  • similar spiritual ideas and
  • equally strong interest in personal growth strengthen love.

Perhaps you doubt because you differ greatly on these points.

The crux: there is not much that can be changed. It is not a solution if one partner in the relationship has to adapt to the other and give up his own point of view . Other than that, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.

Doubts about the relationship are understandable when there are big differences. Don’t worry, with a lot of mutual understanding and openness, a relationship can still succeed. Another man or woman might make you happier, though.

  1. Doubt No. 2: Do you have a good connection to each other?

The American psychologist John Gottman is nicknamed ” Einstein of love “. He has published around 200 studies and 40 books on what welds couples together. There is a 90% chance of predicting whether a parent will last. It is therefore particularly important for love whether couples make offers of marriage to one another – and respond to them.

Communication instead of doubt

An example: Suppose you are watching a crime series while your partner is reading the newspaper. Suddenly you discover a director’s mistake that you absolutely want to show him / her. How does he / she react? Does your partner turn to you and pay full attention to you? Or does he / she complain because you disturb him / her while reading?

At this moment, it’s not about the TV series. You want to share something with your partner and for a moment you are looking for closeness (and admiration). According to Gottman, it matters whether your friend responds to these connection attempts. This shows that he / she respects you and takes your emotional needs seriously, which ensures satisfaction in the relationship.

Is your partner constantly dismissive and grumpy when looking for contact? Then your doubts about love are most likely justified: In successful relationships, the partners turn to each other in 87 percent of these attempts to connect. They pay attention and listen.

  1. Doubt No. 3: Are closeness, passion and emotional intimacy in your relationship?

Doubts about love quickly arise when Love attraction wears off. The social and love Kurt Starke interviewed almost 60,000 people about their love life . Statistically, most people have love on average twice a week.

Couples are more active than singles . However, in couple relationships, love activity wears off after two to five years.

The partnership does not necessarily suffer as a result: Proximity and security are particularly important. love does play a role, but not necessarily the most important. Use the power of oxytocin! The relationship hormone is released when you cuddle. This strengthens the bond between you and your partner.

Do you feel deeply connected to your loved one? Are you emotionally close? Do you share a feeling of togetherness?

These are all questions you can ask yourself. Less love does not automatically mean that your relationship is in danger. However, if there is a lack of physical closeness, emotional intimacy and security at the same time , your alarm bells should ring.

What you can do if there are doubts in you: Talk to your partner. Improves communication in your relationship . Perhaps you can reawaken physical passion by bringing new impetus to your love life. A “ change of location ” can be enough. After all, love doesn’t always have to take place in the bedroom.

A marriage lasts 14.8 years on average!

This anonymous test will help you find out

whether you are made for each other.

“He  really is

your soul mate ? “

Find out!

Start the test

This test will help you better assess your existing partnership.

With this unique test we want to give you the opportunity to get your problems with the men’s world under control. So take 1 minute and answer all 8 questions.

The results vary from person to person and you will be offered perfectly tailored solutions.

  1. Doubt No. 4: Is your time together enough?

Togetherness is crucial in existing relationships. Amid daily commitments, it can be difficult to make time for each other. Children have to be looked after. Family members, friends, colleagues, work, pets, hobbies, the household – all of this requires attention.

Maybe that’s why you doubt his or her love.

Is there enough time for both of you as a couple? If not: Change that. You need exclusive moments, just for yourself.

These can be small gestures like a kiss to greet and say goodbye. Maybe a quick exchange at breakfast and dinner, a hug as you pass. But companies shouldn’t be missing in relationships either.

Do you remember your excitement on your first dates? Candlelight dinners in the restaurant, flea market strolls, walks at sunrise or short breaks in hotels were highlights that you have been looking forward to.

If this has been forgotten and this leaves you in doubt about your partnership: Make sure that you have Quality Time for yourself.

John Gottman found that people in good relationships spend about five hours more together than people in relationships who are doomed to fail. You can use this knowledge while reducing your doubts about the relationship.

  1. Doubt No. 5: Are you communicating enough with each other?

At the beginning of your relationship you probably wanted to know everything from your partner: what he / she thinks and feels and dreams. His / her past was exciting. You were interested in childhood, in the relationship with his / her parents, in his / her job. Over time, the thought creeps in that you already know and know all of this. But is that really the case?

Experiences and experiences change thinking. You may sometimes jump to conclusions. If your partner feels misunderstood and unrecognized, they withdraw.

John Gottman explains that happy couples have a lot of information in their head about each other. Do you know the most important events in your partner’s life? Do you know about his / her attitude to life, wishes, dreams and fears? Can you answer these 66 questions about your partner?

How about the other way around: What does your partner know about you?

According to Gottman, the information is ideally continuously updated and expanded. He describes this extensive knowledge of the partner as ” love maps “.

Doubts about your relationship are appropriate if you feel that you hardly know your partner. Do you two live past each other? You hardly know how the other person spends his days? If you want your love to have a chance, keep your curiosity alive.

  1. Doubt No. 6: Can you argue well with each other?

Dispute over doubt

It is difficult to argue correctly. According to John Gottman, 69% of all conflicts in relationships cannot be resolved. Certain issues remain as long as the relationship continues. That means: there is plenty of potential for conflict.

For you, however, this also means that arguments and problems do not have to make you doubt your relationship. Friction points are part of your love. At the beginning of the relationship, you probably overlooked disagreements. This is the famous ” pink glasses phenomenon “.

Ultimately, you have to live with the fact that there is not a solution to every problem. What is more important is how you argue.

Avoid words like ” always “, ” never ” or ” every time “. They are seen as a personal attack.

What does your friend do when they feel attacked?

Correct: He / she takes a defensive stance and starts a counterattack . An argument can quickly escalate, especially when you are both tired and stressed. This may seem like he / she no longer loves you.

The worst thing that Godman says can happen to the other is to disdain the argument. At this moment there is only one thing left: conscious injury. These wounds can often no longer be repaired.

Maybe your doubts have their origin here? That would be understandable. There is no longer any sense of love in these moments. The next stage is withdrawal from the argument. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend just say nothing anymore? Then he / she lets you starve on the outstretched arm.

Displayed indifference is particularly hurtful. Basically, he / she doesn’t care. Once it has got this far, your relationship can hardly be saved. Gottman calls these four levels ” apocalyptic riders “.

The psychologist and relationship scientist advises to avoid the following four things in relationships:

  • Criticism of the person instead of behavior
  • defensive stance
  • Contempt or disregard
  • retreat

A marriage lasts 14.8 years on average!

This anonymous test will help you find out

whether you are made for each other.

“He  really is

your soul mate ? “

Find out!

Start the test

This test will help you better assess your existing partnership.

With this unique test we want to give you the opportunity to get your problems with the men’s world under control. So take 1 minute and answer all 8 questions.

The results vary from person to person and you will be offered perfectly tailored solutions.

  1. Doubt No. 7: Do you accept each other as you are?

First of all: People cannot be changed. You can’t turn a chaotic fanatic into an order. A realist does not become a romantic, and an egomaniac probably does not become an empath. You have to put up with that. Otherwise your relationship doesn’t stand a chance. If you always want something that your boyfriend or girlfriend cannot give you, disappointments are inevitable.

There is only one solution: accept your partner as he is. Of course, you can also request the same for yourself.

According to Gottman, couples are happiest when they expect three things from each other: benevolence, kindness, and sympathy .

  1. Doubt No. 8: Do you pay much attention to yourself?

Do you miss hearing that your partner loves you? You are not alone in this. Men often find it difficult to put the three famous words on their lips. There are many ways to say ” I love you “: maybe he will take care of you when you are sick. Or he can make you your favorite tea at the end of a busy day.

Breakfast may be ready just before you need to start the morning shift. Or, or, or … Everyday life is often full of small declarations of love . Take the time to recognize them.

 

 

 

What makes relationships successful

We all have doubts about relationships. You can be eligible. Question your partnership: Answer the eight questions above openly and honestly. Then you can assess whether you should hold on to your love or better draw a line.

In addition to respect, intimacy, passion and solidarity, autonomy is crucial: Your relationship should give you the freedom to realize yourself . Otherwise you will feel cramped and unhappy in the long term – and end the partnership.

 

DarkSideZodiac

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