There you had a very pleasant meeting in a small bar with a new acquaintance. Unselfconscious as you are, you later wrote him a WhatsApp: ” It was a very nice date. ‘ Your friend texted you back, ‘ What date? ”
Now you are probably unsure and wondering whether and what you have misunderstood. Have you viewed previous dates as dates that weren’t?
Together with you, we try to get to the bottom of the definition of the data with the help of many questions and points of view.
What exactly is a ” date “?
Maybe you envy other countries for their very fixed dating culture. In the USA, for example, there are widespread and generally accepted rules for data processes and steps. Dates are understood as appointments with clearly romantic intentions.
The same applies to another country with Anglo-Saxon roots – Great Britain. After all, the word ” date ” also has its origin here. You would have a rendezvous with a French person and they wouldn’t necessarily mean a romantic encounter.
Are you wondering whether this is about flirting, romantic-personal topics of conversation, or even clear sexual intentions? Then what is a data night next to it?
About the date and the date night
You usually have dates with friends. Always a date with people for whom you also have an amorous interest? If you approach the definition of a date like this, then you probably focus on the romantic character of dating.
The already mentioned singles and couples in the USA or GB see it similarly. They like to exaggerate the whole thing in the form of the data night: Here two people who have been in a relationship for a long time take a whole night for the other or themselves as a couple.
At least on this night, the definition is easier because here you are already dealing with an existing romantic relationship. Intentions in the daylight are well-defined, and ” just friends ” do not have data rights after this capture.
However, you are still no closer to an accurate description of the date, because there are still a few unanswered questions.
Do you have a date?
Dates – what could be important in the definition?
To narrow down the term date, it’s worth taking a look at several factors that may play a role. Below you will find some questions that are probably also circling in your head:
Time: How long have you known each other?
Would you only consider meeting a relatively new person under dating? Then you could start with the definition of the duration of the existing contract and differentiate between new and old acquaintances.
In the case of new acquaintances or almost unknown people with whom you have romantic ambitions, it would be pretty easy to speak of ” dates ” if you arrange to meet up to get to know each other better.
However, the challenge remains that your counterpart may evaluate you coming together differently. Are one-sided romantic intentions enough to talk about dating?
It can also be difficult to differentiate, for example, if you develop feelings for an old acquaintance and now wish to have romantic appointments with this person. Before that, you only had loose and informal get-togethers, maybe even only in larger groups.
So simply put: A date is an appointment between two people and excludes larger groups.
But what about speed dating and other organized events of this kind? After all, under these sometimes less than romantic circumstances, you still have to deal with one or more dates with often strangers.
Contact: How did you meet?
Does it play a role in the definition of how you know your counterpart? For example, whether you came into contact in a professional environment or your private environment.
Should you always assume a business dinner with professional contacts and rule out dates from the outset? Or is it enough if you say before a date that it should now be about a private get-together?
Does private then mean on a friendly level or can you assume that the other person knows that it is about an encounter with romantic potential on your part?
You’re probably right to feel that you could be embarrassing yourself by assuming certain perspectives on your date. Maybe your shyness even forbids direct questions and statements. At least as long as you don’t know what the other is thinking.
Is it easier to define dating if you met the other at a private party? Is every further meeting now automatically settled in the data category?
That too cannot be affirmed in every case. It probably takes a lot of tact to dare to address the sensitive topic of dates with their romantic implications directly.
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Location of the date: What takes place where exactly?
Would you say the assessment of a meeting depends on where it happened?
You might think that meeting someone in a dimly lit bar is more likely to mean a date. While a date for a pop concert is not one of them. Here, too, some delimitation problems can be identified.
An intended romantic get-together sometimes benefits from a ” dim ” environment. However, this does not exclude the possibility that you accidentally choose such a romantic meeting place or that your counterpart does so without having any ulterior motives.
Does dinner together count as part of the date, but not going to the cinema?
” I secretly put butterflies in my date’s food. Nothing can go wrong now. ”
Intentions: How do you establish clear intentions?
Perhaps you associate dating with clear intentions of a romantic connection and amorous actions that a date can or even should culminate in.
But what about blind dates or first dates? Do you automatically expect more here when you meet someone for the first time?
In addition, intentions are regular processes within you that you usually do not talk openly about with your counterpart. You can have different intentions than the other. This is more the rule and not the exception, especially at the beginning of a relationship or a contact.
If you stick to a strict definition of a date at all costs and demand clear intentions per se, you can lose your impartiality about the real situation.
You may then put yourself under pressure and expect romantic feelings that you don’t have. This can take the fun out of casual flirting.
It’s better if you let everything come your way and stay open-minded.
They meet at the restaurant
Friendships and dating: can they go together?
Do you have dates with friends? You probably deny that at first.
Then please imagine that a friendship with your best friend suddenly turns into something else. Such a change is not uncommon, especially with friends of the opposite sex. You probably know the comedy movies about the infamous Friendships Plus – ” Friends with Benefits “.
Are you dating your old friend when you suddenly feel more like each other? When do the appointments end and do the dates begin with you? Can you make a decision here at all?
Dating between exes
Let’s talk about your ex-boyfriend: How about meeting your ex-partner? You’ve been seeing each other more often lately. Do you date knowing that you don’t want anything more from each other on a romantic level? But what if you start flirting again?
After the date: Was it a date if nothing came of it?
Small reflection at the end of a date: Did you also have a date if you didn’t keep in touch and it was just a one-off date? This may be difficult for you to assess. What if you only dated for a one-time sexual tryst?
Dating globally – dates differ from culture to culture
All the questions described may have made you aware that there is no fixed definition of a date. In particular, the relatively fixed dating structures in countries such as the USA and Great Britain differ from our “ German ” assessment of a date.
You live here in a culture that does not commit itself, offers great freedom, and therefore forms a wide range for dating.
In addition to some uncertainties, this also has advantages for you: you don’t have to commit yourself from the start on a date. You can let things come to you, listen to yourself and feel the reactions of your counterpart. This does not necessarily have to lead to insecurities if you manage to free yourself from fixed expectations.
When does it matter if you’re dating someone or just having a great time with them? It only becomes decisive when you or the other want more than to have a good time together. In the end, the question isn’t whether you’ve dated, but whether you both want to be romantically involved.
This can develop from corresponding agreements, but it does not have to. The period in which the more develops is also open, as is the frequency and number of previous dates.
Our definition of a date
Let’s summarize the following characteristics of a date:
It is an appointment, variable in time and place, between two people who want to spend some time together. This coming together often has romantic ulterior motives, but it doesn’t have to be. Above all, your counterpart and you may have different ideas about the character of the meeting.
If the romantic part of the meeting is very important to you, try to overcome your shyness and speak to the other person directly about this aspect. This may be difficult for you at first, but you can wrap it up elegantly in a question, and then you’ll have a better idea of where you stand.
Here are three examples of how you can do this:
” Shall we meet in a more romantic atmosphere? ”
” Would you like to see me for a romantic dinner sometime? ”
” I can imagine that more can become of us. Do you want to get to know each other a little better on a date and spend time together? ”
This procedure can help you to classify a contact a little better. But it is also linked to the fact that you are less spontaneous and self-conscious about an appointment because it is associated with expectations on both sides. Also, you may venture far forward with someone you don’t know well and then have trouble stepping back a few steps.
So above all, listen to your inner voice when you go on dates of this kind. You may or may not mention the word date — you can take it all in.
It’s different with a date night. This is relatively clearly defined as a romantic encounter. You usually spend a date night with a loved one and also refer to this coming together as a date night.
They are close when they first meet
How to turn down a date or date night
Maybe you’re in a situation where you don’t want romantic references on a date. If you fear misunderstandings here, you can address the topic diplomatically before the meeting:
” I’m always happy to see you as a friend, like Thursday for example. ”
” I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings between us, so I’d also like to tell you that I’m not currently interested in a relationship. Our friendship means a lot to me. ”
Even with this direct approach, you run the risk of missing out on nice, spontaneous developments because you don’t allow them to happen. How you proceed depends on the circumstances.
In the same way, you can tell your counterpart after a meeting that you didn’t think you had a date, but a nice date. He will trobably understand that you exclusively associate a romantic encounter with a date.
9 out of 10 women do not dare
to conquer her dream man.
Do you finally want to conquer your dream man?
Find out now in the free test,
how you can do it!
This test will show you how you can finally conquer the man of your dreams. With this unique test, we would like to allow you to get a grip on your challenges in the world of men. So take 1 minute and answer all 9 questions.
The results vary from person to person and you will be offered solutions that are perfectly tailored to you.
Expectations when dating
When it comes to dates, a lot is open and you can move very freely and impartially in these contacts. However, communication is also helpful in this area to deal with one’s expectations and those of others.
Stay open to positive developments and don’t be surprised if you meet people who define dates differently than you do. It simply doesn’t matter and you are not responsible for the expectations of others unless you maintain them through deliberate deception or manipulation.
Expectations belong in the sphere of each individual. Be honest: Isn’t it also part of the appeal of encounters with others not to always put everything in a drawer and not knowing exactly what’s coming?
However, a date night is about the core of a romantic partnership on an equal footing. If you constantly reject them, question your love for this person and reflect on what is currently depressing you or why you are keeping your distance instead of looking for closeness.
In a romantic relationship, your partner has every right to expect you to be willing to date. He will rightly suspect a love disorder if you avoid it permanently. This is about love, not about friendship, shyness, or possible flirting at the beginning of a relationship.
Overall, stay relaxed on the subject of data. Love life is not a definition but a lively dynamic with surprises. With this in mind, we wish you lots of fun with online dating and many more dates.
