It is totally normal to be attracted to a friend. Whether you actually have feelings for them is a different story, but an attraction is totally normal. Learning how to stop being attracted to a friend will help you stay sane.
Think about Friends. It was obvious that Joey was attracted to all three of the women yet they all remaining close friends.
Attraction can be based on looks, personality, and more. But it is more of a bodily feeling than an emotional one. You can be attracted to someone and easily not act on it or have it mean anything other than attraction.
Of course, if that attraction is causing issues in your friendship or making you feel uncomfortable you want to stop your attraction.[Read: How to lose feelings for someone and let go of the might have beens]
Why do you want to stop being attracted to a friend?
It is totally healthy to be attracted to a friend. But if it impedes your friendship or makes things uncomfortable, it makes sense to want to stop those feelings in their tracks.
But, why? Does this friend have a partner? Will it never work out between you? Have they made it clear they aren’t attracted to you? Are you afraid of ruining a good friendship? [Read: 17 signs you’re falling for your best friend and how you need to deal with it]
Thinking about why you searched for this article in the first place is a good place to start. Knowing why you want to shut these feelings of attraction down will help you get kickstarted by ridding yourself of those emotions.
The rational reason you have for wanting to stop being attracted to a friend will help you remind yourself to let go of that attraction. Whether they are taken or you’ve dated in the past without success, those reasons should sit in your mind to assure you that this cannot go beyond attraction.[Read: 13 stages of trying to get over someone who doesn’t like you]
But, consider the other side of this, are you sure you don’t want to be attracted to this friend? Are you more than attracted to them? Do you want to know if they are attracted to you?
Working out what causes the attraction and why you want these feelings to go away will guide you in the right direction. No matter which way that is.
How to stop being attracted to a friend
Stopping a biological feeling in its tracks can be difficult. Attraction isn’t like other things, so stopping that can take a lot of internalizing and a bit of compromise with yourself.
You must rationalize your attraction, understand it, and argue it if you’re wondering how to stop being attracted to a friend and maintain the friendship.
#1 Why are you attracted to a friend? There are different types of attraction. You can be physically attracted to your friend or maybe you’re behaviorally attracted to them or intellectually attracted to them.
Pinpointing what it is that you’re attracted to can help you analyze it so that it all makes sense and isn’t so mysterious which makes it hard to handle. Even without learning how to stop being attracted to a friend, defining why you are can make it easier to deal with. [Read: 15 ways to subtly flirt with a friend without making things weird]
#2 Redirect your attraction. Every time you have a * feeling about your friend, redirect that emotion to reality. You are not romantically with this person. They are your friend. You enjoy your time together, and you rely on each other. Take that physical or romantic attraction and apply it to your platonic friendship.
#3 Consider the negatives of acting on your attraction. This tip, although useful, is not my favorite. You should never have to guilt yourself for natural feelings of attraction, but reminding yourself of why you aren’t acting on those feelings can help you keep a clear mind.
#4 Think about the qualities about them you aren’t attracted to. Sure, they are your friend and you like them. There are always things that will irk you. Do they chew with their mouth open or text and drive? Maybe they look good in a swimsuit, but are they unreliable as a prospective partner? [Read: How to stop having a crush on someone and find your heart again]
#5 What makes them a good friend? Focus on your stronger feelings. Attraction is not permanent. It is often brief and fleeting. So, focus on your friendship.
Think about the rough times they’ve been through with you or your mutual love for a fandom or that inside joke. Focus on the feelings you want to keep and put less attention on the ones you want to get rid of.
#6 Organize your feelings on paper. Write it all out. Our feelings, even ones as basic as attraction can easily get jumbled inside our heads. If you want to stop being attracted to a friend, write down your feelings. Describe when you were first attracted to them, why, how they make you feel.
This doesn’t have to be concise or perfect. You only write it out for yourself, then crumble it up and toss it out later. Putting your feelings on paper where you can see them and then getting rid of it may seem silly but is very symbolic.
#7 Why is it so frustrating? Why are you suffering? Are you masochistic? Do you like the feeling of knowing you’re attracted to someone that is out of reach? Are you hoping they will tell you they find you attractive as well?
Consider why it is so hard for you to stop your attraction or why being attracted to them is such a problem. This may take more than some thinking. You may want to talk to someone you trust or even a therapist to figure out what makes this so hard for you. [Read: How to ask a friend out without risking the friendship]
#8 Take some space. Spending a lot of time with a friend you are attracted to will make your attraction grow. Tensions run high, and you feel things due to proximity.
Spend some time apart. Don’t stop being friends. If you want to know how to stop being attracted to a friend, just pick up a project that will keep you busy for a while so you can clear your mind before hanging out together again. And then hang out in groups so your attention isn’t so focused on them. [Read: How to handle * tension between friends like a platonic pro]
#9 Date around. Of course, you can be attracted to someone while * someone else. But if you are lonely and haven’t dated in a while, the closest romantic option may be a good looking friend. Turn that attraction onto someone more suitable and get out there. Go meet new people or try a * app. Sometimes your body and mind can play tricks on you when you’re romantically lonely.
#10 Tell them. I know this is risky advice. But tell your friend you’re attracted to them. Sometimes saying it will actually help those feelings go away.
Back to Friends again *it is just so relevant*. Remember after Ross got married and Rachel told him that she was still in love with him? Right after she said it, she laughed and realized how ridiculous it was. Just by letting it be heard, you may already feel a lot better.
Being attracted to someone isn’t something to be ashamed of. Likely, your friend will be flattered. [Read: In love with your best friend? Why you need to back away right now]
#11 Feel the attraction and let it go. Instead of fighting those feelings of attraction, just feel them. I am attracted to Chris Evans and have no plans on letting that go just because I can’t act on it.
You can be attracted to someone and not let it overwhelm you or cause problems Just let it be.