When you’re dealing with heartbreak, it can feel like you’re in a torturous amount of pain. It’s something we strive to avoid at all costs.
The loss of a loved one can be truly an emotionally shattering experience. That’s why we’ve turned to a modern day philosopher and popular Zen spiritual master to help us understand the deeper meaning of heartbreak and loss.
What did we discover? Well, there’s an upside to the pain of heartbreak:
While a truly difficult and painful experience, moments of heartbreak are the times in your life when you’re most able to find meaning in life.
Finding The Beauty In Break Ups
In the video below, the philosopher Jason Silva shares a valuable perspective on the pain of heartbreak.
He suggests that humans are all wounded deep down, and in relationships we are attracted to others that are also wounded. We seek to save the person we love, and by doing so we save ourselves.
The ultimate experience of love is to be seen by someone who bestows us with light.
Yet this feeling can’t last:
The crux of the human condition is the tragic realization that we can’t save the ones we love. And if we can’t save them, then how can we save ourselves?
This is the tragedy of the human condition. Through the experience heartbreak, we experience the tragic realization that relationships fundamentally cannot be our savior.
So if you’re experiencing heartbreak at the moment, you can take solace in the fact that your pain is completely normal. In fact, while tragic, there is a deeper realization about the human condition for you to experience.
Letting Go Of The Pain Of Heartbreak
Now that you’ve considered the idea that the pain you’re experiencing from heartbreak is completely normal, we want to share the perspective of the Zen philosopher Alan Watts about the importance of letting go.
In the video below, Watts asks you to consider the idea that you don’t really know what you want. Applied to the feelings of heartbreak, this means letting go of whatever you thought you wanted from the relationship you’re now leaving behind.
Watts says that there’s a beginning stage of self awareness where you realize that you don’t know what you want because you’ve thought superficially about it.
Then there’s a middle stage where you know exactly what you want.
Finally, you reach a point where you see that what you thought you wanted isn’t actually what you want.
This comes from seeing that what you’ve wanted from someone else is something you’ve always had within yourself. Or it may happen from giving up the idea of even knowing yourself.
As Watts says, the godhead is never an object of its own knowledge. Just a knife doesn’t cut itself, fire doesn’t burn itself, and light doesn’t illuminate itself, you can’t know yourself.
You will always be an endless mystery to yourself. As soon as you can accept this, you will stop trying to control the situations happening in your life. You’ll finally “let go”.
This advice is excellent for anyone experiencing heartbreak. Rather than holding on to your idea of love and relationships in your life, it’s time to completely surrender to the pain that Jason Silva so eloquently described above.
Once you surrender to the pain and give up the battle of trying to control what’s happening, then Watts says you’ll have a whole reservoir or personal power available to you.
You’ll stop trying to manage everything, forcing the will of someone else to conform to your own.
Watts says that surrendering to what’s happening in the present moment involves a recognition that everything is in a constant process of decay. Everything is going to die one day, including the love you’re experiencing right now with someone.
When you truly accept this idea, then you’ll know that everything is washed up. You will one day vanish and leave nothing behind.
Power will start coming to you because you didn’t force things. It comes in the opposite way, and this is power that you can trust.
Heartbreak is a very painful experience and at the same time a huge opportunity to give up your power in the relationship. It’s time to truly let go to discover the power that you really do have within.