All relationships have phases of happiness and ruts, but if you’re asking yourself why something feels off in your relationship, here’s your fix.
No one ever said relationships were easy. To find someone you love and want to share your life with comes with hurdles, compromises, and more. Sometimes doubts and questions, like why something feels off in your relationship.
But, with all of that your relationship should always bring you more happiness than sadness, fear, misery, or anything else.
Whether you and your partner have been fighting, living long distance, or feel bored, there is something that feels off in your relationship, and it shouldn’t be left alone. [Read: The rulebook on what’s normal doubts in a relationship]
When something feels off in your relationship
Even in the most successful and happy of relationships, things can feel off. They may feel off when you move in together. They may feel off if you haven’t seen each other in over a week.
All relationships have moments and times when things feel off. That is totally normal. So, try not to overanalyze or panic right away. Just because something feels off it doesn’t mean it is wrong.
When something feels off in your relationship, it can be fleeting or lasting. It can last a few days while one of you is going through something. It can happen when you are stressed or just don’t have time for each other like normal. [Read: 15 common reasons why people get bored with their relationships]
In those cases, you don’t have to worry. Just talk about it. Let your partner know that something feels off in your relationship and you want to make sure you are both on the same page. A simple talk should get you moving back in the right direction.
But, if something feels off in your relationship and it is bigger than a work problem or stress, you may want to worry. Our guts tell us when something feels off in our relationships. They are usually right. [Read: 14 ways to learn better communication and make your relationship stronger]
Why something feels off in your relationship
As I always say, all relationships are different. The reason your relationship feels off could be totally different to why your best friend’s relationship feels off or your boss’s relationship feels off.
Apart from the minor things that can easily get back on track with open and honest communication, here are some other reasons why something feels off in your relationship.
#1 Your partner has a plan. Right before a big change is coming in your relationship, it is common for things to feel off. Similarly to cold feet before a wedding, something tends to feel off before it feels right.
If your partner is planning to propose or buy you a dog, they may be acting shady and secretive. They may even pull away right before making a big grand gesture. This can be very hard to read and difficult to know. Give that off feeling a little while to settle before acting on it. [Read: Steps to telling your partner you’re unhappy]
#2 Your partner is keeping a secret. A proposal is a pretty great secret. But there are a lot of other secrets your partner could be keeping that aren’t so great. Even without any proof, your gut can feel something is off in your relationship.
I don’t want to scare you but it could be cheating, flirting, addiction, or even plans to move across the country without you. When something feels off in your relationship, it usually is.
#3 You are keeping a secret. Being the person keeping a secret doesn’t make you immune to something feeling off in your relationship. By hiding something small, like a weekend getaway or something big like a job promotion that makes your travel two weekends a month, your relationship can get out of whack really quickly.
Think about something you haven’t told your partner, even something minor like a coworker hit on you. Even if you shut it down, not telling your partner about it could be building up unresolved guilt. And that makes something feel off in your relationship. [Read: The must-know rules and exceptions for keeping secrets in a relationship]
#4 You’re not talking. Once you get comfortable in a relationship, it can be easy to settle into a routine. You may go from talking every day and sharing your wants and needs to falling asleep watching the same episode of Game of Thrones every night.
Losing that communication can quickly lead to an off feeling. When you go from sharing your feelings to just staying quiet, you no longer express yourself or understand how your partner is feeling. It makes sense that something would feel off.
#5 You’re not prioritizing your relationship. I know that responsibilities arise and your partner cannot be your number one priority 100% of the time. Jobs, kids, friends, and more take over. Your relationship could be put on the back burner.
It happens, but if you let it happen without acknowledging it things can feel off and only get worse from there. If you know that something feels off because you’re super busy or your partner is overwhelmed with work, make time for each other when you can.
Have a date night once a week or once a month if that is all you can swing. Make sure you don’t cancel. Do something different and fun so you both have that to look forward to. [Read: How to rekindle your romance and fall in love again]
#6 Someone wants to breakup. For some reason, in the current dating culture, people put off breaking up as long as possible. We all know it is hard to end things and that you don’t want to hurt the other person, but looking at it from a rational perspective lets you see that putting it off only makes things worse.
Whether you haven’t admitted your desire to breakup to yourself or your partner is feeling antsy that is a go-to reason something feels off in your relationship. [Read: 17 signs you’re past the point of no return and need to break up]
#7 You’ve grown out of each other. People change. When relationships don’t change with those people, it just isn’t the same. If you grow up and your partner grows up, your relationship may still be stuck in the past.
It sucks to admit it. Sometimes something feels off because it has changed so drastically and the relationship doesn’t fit you anymore. That is okay.
#8 It just isn’t right. I know it is hard to hear, but sometimes if something feels off in your relationship, it’s because it is. There may be no rhyme or reason to it. You could have lost your chemistry or it just isn’t right.
You don’t always need a specific reason for something to be off. And if it feels off to you it probably is. [Read: 14 common reasons relationships fail]
What to do when something feels off in your relationship
Now that you know some of the main reasons why something feels off in your relationship, you have to decide what to do about it.
First, trust your gut. If you feel something is off, it is. Always try to talk about it first. Don’t blame your partner. Let them know how you’re feeling and work through it. It could be due to something small that is easily workable. [Read: 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]
If you want to fix whatever is off, try to. You can try it on your own or go to couple’s therapy to really get everything out in the open.
But, sometimes when something is off it just is, and ending it is the best thing you can do to get back to feeling normal and well, sane. I know it is hard to end a relationship no matter how long you’ve been together, but not every relationship needs to last.
Some people come into our lives for weeks, months, or years and are not meant to stay forever. They come and serve their purpose. Then we move on.
Next time you are wondering why something feels off in your relationship refer back to here. Then decide what the best next move is.