Relationships are hard. But long distance relationships present extra challenges. Here is some long distance relationship advice to help you out.
Long distance relationships suck. I would know, I’ve been in a couple. They’re not fun. The only thing keeping it together is the fact that you both want to be together. Until you get to be together, you need long distance relationship advice to survive and to thrive.
And until that day comes, it’s a lot of naughty selfies, Skype calls, and angry texts. I mean, who would sign up for that? Well, I did. And so, did you, since you’re here. I know you want to make this relationship work because I know that everyone is waiting for you to fail.
Long distance relationship advice: What you need to know
As the queen of long distance relationships, I have a certain amount of knowledge that can only be obtained through failing at them. Through this failure, I’ve learned what to do and what not to do. Believe me, it wasn’t easy. Instead of dealing with all of this crap which could have been preventable, just take some of this advice.
It ain’t gonna be easy, baby. But it’ll be worth it.
#1 You don’t need to talk all the time. People think because they’re far away they need to compensate for the distance by being in constant communication. Now, communication is essential in long distance relationship *LDR* but it’s essential in any relationship.
The problem with LDR is the distance makes people nervous, which causes insecurity. Talk to your partner like you would talk to your partner if they were here, but don’t suffocate them. [Read: 10 survival tips for every long distance relationship]
#2 What do you both expect from this relationship. You both need to sit down and talk about your expectations from this relationship. What do you want from this? There are many different types of LDR.
Some people choose to have an open relationship, some choose to be exclusive. It really depends on you and your partner. But you have to talk about this, if not, the waters are cloudy and misinterpretation occurs. [Read: How to manage your expectations in a relationship]
#3 Be dirty. If you’re just talking about your day and what you’re going to do this weekend, well, you might as well just be friends that live in different cities. What makes relationships differ from each other? Intimacy.
If this is your boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to keep the sexual connection going. Send dirty messages, send photos, have the LDR couple sex toys. Use everything to your advantage. [Read: The couple’s comprehensive guide to long distance sex]
#4 Make visits. You need to see each other. Not once a year—I did that, it was literally torture. Though, if it’s your only option, then I understand. But if you can see each other, see each other.
You need the physical contact and intimacy. You need that time to be together in the same room, and I don’t mean via Skype. So, make time to see each other. This keeps the spark going.
#5 You both need to have a goal. The only way an LDR can work is if you both share the same goal at the end. Now, of course, the goal is to be together, but it has to be more specific. For example, the end goal could be that when you finish university you move to their town or your partner is going to look for a job in your city and move there. The goal has to result with you two being together.
#6 Keep it open and honest. My first LDR didn’t work out because I wasn’t honest and clear in my expectations. Instead, I wanted to be with him, but I thought if I told him I wanted to sleep with other people in the meantime he would leave me.
I was too young. So, I did it behind his back, and of course, he found out, it killed his trust, thus, we broke up. It was my fault. This shows you what will happen if you aren’t clear with your partner. You should be open and honest with them or else you will do things that maybe aren’t wrong but weren’t agreed upon. [Read: 13 signs you really should end your long distance relationship]
#7 Use technology. God bless technology, especially if you’re in a LDR. You have all these options to communicate with your partner. FaceTime, Skype, Whatsapp, Snapchat. In addition, you have all these sex toys and intimate products which help you close the physical distance between you and your partner. Use everything. [Read: Long distance pillows and other really cool LDR essentials]
#8 Don’t see the distance as a bad thing. I was depressed for months in the beginning of my LDR. I stayed at home, I refused to go out, I cried all the time. Yes, I was eighteen, but it’s still traumatic. However, this was wrong.
Being in a LDR is what you signed up for. But in the meantime, while you wait to see your partner, do things you want to do. You have the best of both worlds right now. You love someone, vice versa, but you also have the freedom to go out with your friends, hang out with your family, be alone when you want.
#9 Share your daily life with them. Sometimes in a LDR, you forget to tell your partner things about your day. What happens is that it distances the relationship and cuts the mental and emotional connection. Keep your partner in the loop of your work drama or your new painting class. Make them feel as though they’re a part of your actual day-to-day life.
#10 Create an identity as a couple. You need to develop that “we” mentality that usually comes with couples. Yes, you are your own person and you should continue to be you, but you also need to create that “we” environment that connects you to your partner.
This “we” mentality shows that you both grow and develop to a shared goal and dream. You do this by sharing similar passions whether it’s reading, politics, watching movies, traveling, etc. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and not fall apart]
#11 Take the time apart to focus on yourself. Use the time apart to focus on yourself. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you stopped growing as a person. Do things that make you feel good and challenge yourself. Continue growing as a person while you wait to see them again. Don’t sit at home wasting the days until you see your partner again.
#12 Don’t think you must fix a fight right away. When I was in my first LDR, after a fight, I would spam my boyfriend’s phone. I was obsessed. I worried he would go and sleep with another girl after our argument.
Listen, when you were in a non-LDR, when you had a fight, sometimes you wouldn’t speak to your partner for days. It’s okay to give each other space even though you’re miles apart. You need time to cool off, they need time to cool off. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
#13 Long distance relationships aren’t harder than regular relationships. You think LDR are harder than normal ones but they aren’t. The only difference is that in a normal relationship, you see the person more often.
However, in both relationships, you need to effectively communicate and work on your connection. So, don’t think that LDR are unachievable because many people succeed in them, you just need to want to be with them.
Now that you have some long distance relationship advice, don’t be scared to give it a real shot. Many people end up being with their long distance partner, so, you have a great chance of having it work out.