If given the chance to choose between staying in a familiar place and moving to be with the one you love, which would you choose?
Uprooting your life and moving to a different location is a difficult choice to make; the outcome of your choice hinges on the outcome of your relocation. Will you be happy? Is there a great job waiting for you? And the most promising question: is someone waiting for you there?
When you decide to move for love, you’re taking the choices of your partner into account, as well. Do they want you to move? Are they willing to take responsibility for what they’re asking? You should know whether or not you can both be happy with the decisions you make.
The most important thing to ask yourself before anything else is this: is your decision based on what’s best for you, or is it just a leap of faith for the person who holds your heart?
Why are you moving for love?
Before you decide to move for the person you love, ask yourself why it’s necessary. The only valid reason to move for your partner is because your relationship is more important than what you’re leaving behind.
But is it fair? Why can’t your partner move to your place, instead? Why do you need to uproot your life just because your partner wants you to? Here are some reasons why it’s necessary, and why you may want to do it.
#1 Career. Career is the usual suspect that forces couples to relocate. Perhaps a great opportunity has presented itself. Maybe the pay is better. It could even be that if they don’t go to another area, they’ll get fired. When discussing this issue, it all boils down to who can afford to sacrifice their job security–or who is willing to. [Read: Choosing between love and your career]
#2 Family. When a family member dies or needs to be taken care of, your partner may need to step up and handle the situation. If they need to move to their family’s side permanently, it’s understandable that you would want to accompany them through this difficult time.
#3 A new start. Some couples go through difficult times, where moving to a different place seems like the best solution. There could be security problems in your current city, or the economy just isn’t stable enough to support your needs. Whatever the reason, sometimes moving to a different location can help you get through it.
#4 Stubbornness. When your partner decides that they don’t want to uproot their lives in favor of yours, you need to decide whether you’re willing to be the one to do it. It sounds selfish on their part, but sometimes one of you needs to put your foot down. If it happens that your partner has a stronger stance on the matter, you can either resolve to give them what they want or make them see that what you want is just as important.
#5 Familiarity. Some people prefer to live the rest of their lives in their hometowns. They’ve always planned on doing this, and whether or not their future partner wanted to, they’ve already decided that they’re staying in the place where they grew up.
If you can resolve to put your partner’s needs or wants before yours, then you’re ready to move. If not, you need to discuss a compromise. When that doesn’t work, you need to accept the fact that neither of you can get what you want.
Can you move for love?
You’ve established that you are willing to uproot your life, but can you actually do it? Ask yourself the questions below and answer them honestly.
#1 Can you afford to move? This is the first thing you should ask yourself, because it is the most important factor in your decision. If you can’t afford to move, you need to find a way to manage your finances so that you can, or find a way to let that particular dream go.
If it’s impossible to live in another place due to financial constraints, you don’t have a choice aside from staying put until you can save enough to move. Love can’t pay the bills. Your partner can help, but only if it’s within their means.
#2 Do you have viable career options? Oftentimes people leave their jobs and move, without knowing what awaits them. Will they get a job immediately, or will they coast along for months without any viable means of income? It’s doable, if you have enough money saved to tide you over until you find a job.
The problem is when you overestimate your ability to land a job. You need to make sure that you have plenty of job options before you move. If the market isn’t as open to new workers, you should consider staying in your current job, until you get a definite offer from an employer at the new location.
#3 Do you have a place to live? Sometimes moving in with your partner is not the ideal option. Certain things can get in the way, like them having to live with their family. Their job could also offer accommodations that don’t cover yours.
No matter what the issue is, you should have all of your residential bases covered. Make sure you find a place before moving. Have enough rent money to last a few months if you don’t have a job set up already. Find a place that’s safe and easily accessible. All these things need to be considered before you move. You don’t want to go without having a place to crash.
#4 Have you told everyone you need to? You can’t just get up and leave everything behind. You need to pay all your debts, delegate all the things you can’t handle, and make sure that the other people in your life know that you’ll be safe and okay in this new endeavor.
#5 Have you and your partner prepared for this move? Are you sure they’re okay with it? Is this a long-term relationship, or just something to tide you over until you settle down permanently? You need to know these things, so that you can plan your future together. [Read: 15 things to know before moving in together]
You’re moving because you love this person. You should be sure that you are in this together, and that you’re not sacrificing something that they’re not asking for in the first place. This should be something you both want.
Advantages of moving for the person you love
All of these decisions may turn you off to the thought of moving for the person you love, but there are a lot of good things that can come out of it, too. Consider the advantages below.
#1 You’ll get to spend more time with your partner. Handling a long-distance relationship is not for everyone. If you don’t think your relationship will be able to stand the pressure, moving is your best option.
#2 You get to explore new places. It’s good for your creativity, and can ultimately give you a new perspective to go somewhere new. You’ll meet new people and experience new things that might never have happened at your old place.
#3 You learn something new. The best thing about moving is that you get to see and do things that you’ve never done before. By doing so, you get to learn how to do things a different way, like cook a meal using a local recipe, speak another dialect, or develop a new accent. The possibilities make moving to a new place more enticing and promising.
#4 You get to challenge yourself. Everyone knows that people grow through experience. Moving is just one experience that will allow you to develop skills of adjustment, sociability, and adaptation. It’s all about making lemonade out of the lemons life dealt you.
If you do decide to move for the person you love, know that there are things that can make it feel better and seem like a good decision. You need to be positive about the things that you and your loved one are going through, in order to resolve yourself to the fact that you are making such a huge sacrifice.
That being said, you now know how to face the situation head on. You need to talk to your partner and prepare for the big change in your life, so you can enjoy the good moments and deflect the bad. Are you ready to move for love?