The first flourishes of love don’t last forever, but how can you tell whether your relationship is doomed after dating for three months only?
How can you know if your relationship is going to stand the test of time after dating for three months? Should you give your guy the push?
Every relationship is different, but the first few months should be packed with passion, excitement, butterflies, and not wanting to spend a moment apart. Do you recognize yourself in that description? Unfortunately, for many, the reality is a little different.
Why is the three-month mark important?
The importance of the three-month mark showcases your guy on his best behavior. You might have seen a few of his faults, but not many. You should be so completely head over heels in lust and passion that you aren’t annoyed by them.
If you notice little things creeping in, or there are any major red flags, perhaps it’s time to admit defeat. Maybe put your efforts into someone much more worthy, before your heart takes a battering. [Read: 10 guys to stop dating if you want real love]
I’m not trying to pour cold water on your excitement. Let’s face it, most relationships don’t last, and finding THE ONE, if he even exists, can be hard. Why waste your time with those who aren’t worthy?
You’re a goddess, you’re a queen! You deserve the best. Anything less is just not good enough. [Read: Feel unworthy? Why we accept the love we think we deserve]
Dating for three months and notice these signs?
So, let’s try and work out the red flags. The warnings signs that after dating for three months, it’s time to kick him to the curb!
# 1 His communication slows down. In the first three months your phone should be hot. He should be on every messaging app you own, and you should speak every day. Of course, there are going to be times when something comes up, or he’s busy at work and can’t talk. But if you’re noticing a downward trend in messaging and talking, there’s definitely something up.
Remember, this part of your relationship might be the confusing stage *are we/aren’t we/what the hell are we?*, but it’s also supposed to be the most exciting. I’m not suggesting it’s all downhill from here. But this is the point where everything is new and shiny. As a result, he should be blowing your phone up. [Read: 16 easy ways to respect yourself in a relationship]
#2 It’s harder to pin him down. Are date nights and spontaneous Netflix and chill evenings not as frequent as they were? This is a definite red flag, ladies. Again, it’s about newness and excitement. While seeing each other every spare second you have is probably a little stalker-ish, a regular date schedule is the least you should expect.
If you’re noticing that he’s spending more time with his friends than before, that’s not necessarily something to freak out about straightaway. It could be that one of his crew is going through a hard time, and he feels he needs to be there. If it’s ongoing, bring it up with him.
Be careful how you do it, because you don’t want to sound clingy. Just casually inquire as to why your fun nights out are becoming less of a regular thing. [Read: How to make a relationship work for the better]
#3 He’s suddenly Mr. Vague. It’s not that you should be planning weddings and new houses, but after dating for three months you should be able to talk about the next month or two at the least. For instance, if you’re coming up to summer vacation, has there been talk about going on a weekend away? If not, why not?
If you try and speak about doing this in a few weeks, or that next month, what is his response? If it’s vague, you should wonder why.
A guy committed to making it work will have no problems saying ‘yes’ to the possibility of a weekend away some time next month. Okay, guys don’t generally like to plan things out like girls do. If he’s non-committal and vaguer than ‘um, yeah, maybe, we’ll see’, assess whether you want that for the rest of your relationship or not. You deserve better! [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
#4 You still haven’t met his friends. It’s not unusual to have not met his parents after three months. In fact, it’s pretty normal, but not having met his friends? Yeah, that’s a bit odd.
He should be so enamored with you, so keen to show you off, that he will take you to the bar at the weekend with him. He won’t have a problem allowing his besties to rub shoulders with you.
The thing is, if you haven’t met his friends and they don’t really know about you *because you only have his word for it that they do*, then he’s not seeing you in his future. If he was, you’d be with him on the Sunday afternoon regular group catch up, especially if his friends take their girlfriends. This is a guy who is acting single. In that case, you should be out there being single instead of wasting your time. [Read: 10 relationship milestones and when they should happen]
#5 You’re not Insta or Facebook official yet. Okay, I know you’re not 12, but being official on some kind of social media channel is a pretty big deal. It says ‘I’m taken.’ If you’re not official on Facebook or Instagram, and his relationship status is still ‘single,’ you should have a question mark in your mind.
Of course, he might just not have thought about it. Men aren’t quite so keen on these things as women are. In that case, why not bring it up? Say, ‘hey let’s take a selfie for my Insta, I’ll tag you’ and see what the reaction is. If he looks panicked or tries to get out of it, you’re a secret.
#6 His PDA has slowed down. Not all guys are into PDA. However, if your guy used to hold your hand and now doesn’t, why? If he’s complacent at this point, you’ve got a problem for the rest of your time together! He should be holding your hand or showing some kind of affection towards you when you’re out and about. You’re not his sister after all.
I know relationships aren’t always hearts and flowers. But dating for three months, you’re still in the honeymoon stage. In fact, you’re nowhere near out of it. So, why does he think it’s okay to act non-committal around you? He should be worshiping at your feet! [Read: The 9 signs your boyfriend is no longer in love with you]
#7 He isn’t as interested in sex as before. I really don’t want to put this out there, but I have to. If he was all over you at the start, and has lost interest after three months, there’s usually someone else who taking his attention.
Sorry, but it’s normally true. Okay, there could be some other reason. Perhaps, he’s feeling bloated or has some problem ‘down there.’ In that case, you can let him off, but he should be communicating that to you!
Sex is a vital part of any relationship. And after three months you should be running upstairs for a quickie at every opportunity, not wondering why your man doesn’t seem bothered anymore.
#8 He doesn’t put you first. If he’s not going to put you first at the start of your relationship, he’s basically setting a very loud example for how it’s going to be for the rest of your relationship. Is that what you want? I’d bet that you put him first. Why isn’t he doing the same?
If you constantly notice that you’re further down his priority list than washing his socks, wave goodbye and move on.
#9 He’s not supportive if something goes wrong. Men don’t always know how to comfort a crying woman. In fact, some women don’t know how to comfort another woman when she’s crying. But if you find that he doesn’t even attempt to support you during hard times, those are alarm bells!
It’s not wise to be tearing up over the smallest thing on a regular basis, but if you do have a crisis of some kind, or simply having a bad day and need a little TLC, he should be there to give you what you need.
If your relationship progresses, you’re supposed to be a team. Life is going to throw challenges along the way. If he’s not particularly supportive now, what’s he going to be like later? [Read: How to let go of a relationship that’s bad for you]
Time to move on after dating for three months?
I hope you’re not nodding along to these ten red flags, but if you are, don’t worry. Three months isn’t a huge amount of time wasted, and you can simply chalk it up to experience and move on.
You’re allowed to go out and get a little drunk to get over it. Or cry and post meaningful quotes on Facebook. But know this—if you walked away from these red flags at the three months’ stage, you’ve really done your future self a huge favor.