Long term love is one of life’s greatest gifts, but if not nurtured, it can be a dreary curse. With old love comes comfort, and with that, monotony.
No matter their race, religion, shape, size, or age, long term couples the world over suffer from the same problem, and that is monotony. Perhaps this is why divorce rates are skyrocketing, and more people are justifying their actions and blaming “irreconcilable differences” for this.
I will not pretend to know why couples break up. Every story is different, and everybody is entitled to their own reasons for leaving. However, there is no denying that boredom and the irrepressible weight of tedium have a part to play in some relationships falling apart.
The whole point of being in love and dedicating your life to someone is being under the impression that you will spend a lifetime of laughter, joy, love, and companionship together. What happens when you wake up one morning and realize that your ideals were replaced by endless continuity, repetition, and mind-numbing monotony? This is the point when you start getting resentful, bored, angry, and ready to pack up and leave.
What many couples do not realize is that monotony in a relationship can be easily fixed if both parties set their minds to making a change. Just like everything else, it takes effort and hard work if you want it to succeed.
If you can put in those extra hours at the office for that promotion, you can certainly make the time to fight for your relationship. There is no such thing as “falling out of love,” but there is such a thing as “falling out of fun.”
How to enjoy being in a relationship
So if you are at this stage in life, wait no longer to make a difference in both your lives. Here are 8 suggestions that you can take on to get the monotony out of your relationship.
#1 Travel together. Want to feel inspired again, not just in your relationship, but in life? Then travel. There is no better way to get the monotony out of your relationship than by traveling with your partner.
When you up and leave the cozy confines of everyday life, you end up doing things that you never thought you would. You end up seeing things that are extraordinarily new. You will taste, feel, and hear so much more than what ordinary life can offer.
Pick a place, and figure out the logistics on how to get there. Do not make excuses, do not procrastinate, and just do it. Remember that nothing can trample all over monotony the way traveling can. [Read: 8 tips to have a great time when you travel as a couple]
#2 Indulge in sexual surprises. Many couples fall into the trap of routine love making. Whether it is getting it on only on weekends, doing the deed before 10pm every night, or simply doing it for the sake of doing it, it is a terrifying thought indeed, once you come to the realization that your once fiery sex drive has fizzled into a pathetically slow-burning candle, and all that’s left is boredom.
Spice it up by tussling up the routine. Do it in the morning, in the shower, in the park, or in the car. Let your sex drive take over, cater to its whims and fancies, and realize that there’s no proper place or time to get it on. Surprise your partner at the office for a mind-blowing blow job, or fan the flames of passion by introducing toys, costumes, and gadgets into the bedroom. [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 sexy ways]
#3 Do something new every week. Another way to rid your relationship of monotony is to challenge yourselves to do something new as a couple every week. It could be renting a scooter and going for a spin around the countryside. It could be watching a play. It could be getting some friends together for a Twister night of fun.
No matter what you end up doing, make sure that it is something new, and that your partner is 100% involved. The more challenging the task, the better.
#4 Attempt a project together. You can also kick monotony to the curb by signing up for a course or taking on a project together. It doesn’t have to be something huge like building a homeless shelter, but go right ahead, and delve into it if that excites you.
It could be something simple like signing up for a Thai cooking class or learning to salsa dance together. No matter what, the experience of starting something new and reaching an end goal together will be sure to keep things fresh and exciting.
#5 Welcome new life into your old one. Perhaps the reason why things seem so monotonous is because the two of you simply aren’t enough. Have you thought about welcoming a third party into your life? I don’t mean it in a sexual way *but go for it if you’re keen*. I’m talking about welcoming a pet or even a child into your lives.
Remember not to do this to save your relationship because it won’t help one bit. Do it only if both of you feel that being a team of two simply isn’t enough. Whether you decide to welcome a child into the world, adopt a pet, or grow orchids, it is truly a wonderful thing when you decide to share the love, grow your family, and build a life together. [Read: 11 ways to know if you’re ready to have a baby]
#6 Make new friends. A great way to keep your relationship from becoming boring is to make new friends together. The thing about friendships is that, although they tend to never die, they get repetitive, just like relationships.
Even when you head out for a fun night together, you tend to do the same things, visit the same bars, order the same drinks, and go to the same restaurants. Shake it up a little, and make new friends. They will introduce you to a whole other world of refreshing change. From new conversations to new restaurant and watering hole recommendations, do not be shy to forge new friendships.
#7 Revamp your space. Don’t blame your relationship for being a monotonous one. Take a look at your life, and see what else is dreary. Is your job dull? Tired of staring at the same four walls at home? Sick of the routine, day in and day out? Well, one way to combat this is to change your environment.
I know that it’s hard, if not impossible, to quit your job without securing other prospects. It is also hard to just up and move with your partner to another city, or country, for that matter. Figure out what you can change in your everyday life, and start there.
An idea is to revamp your shared space. Be it redecorating, moving furniture around, or undertaking a wall-painting project, make the effort to do something together, and be sure that it will change the way you two approach everyday life. A home refurbishment project is not only fun, but it will be sure to get you working together to make a positive change in your immediate environment. [Read: 13 ways to make your bedroom more romantic]
#8 Take time off. You want to know the best way to break free from a monotonous relationship? Well, all you need to do is grow a pair, and leave your job. Either request for a sabbatical, ask for unpaid leave, choose to work remotely, or quit altogether if you have the financial stability to do so.
Nothing is more important in life than spending time with the person you love. Life is too short to be spent cooped up in an office, pleasing someone else. Think of how amazing it would be for the two of you to go live in Thailand for a month at a fraction of what it would cost you to survive at home.
This is certainly not an easy decision to make, and many of you will never do it. Responsibilities and real life will make you stop in your tracks. Realistically, this is not something that you can do on an impulse, so how about setting this as your long term goal? You and your sweetheart can set a timeline, say a year, and make it all happen then. At least now, you have a realistic end goal to work towards together.
Everything from preparing your finances, subletting the apartment, and dealing with all the other nitty-gritty details of life can certainly be taken care of in a year, so you have no excuses not to think hard, and go ahead with it.
At the end of the day, the problem isn’t the relationship, but the way you approach it. Always remember that being with someone and keeping it fresh takes work. You looking good and raking in the money is not enough. You have to dedicate the time and passion to keeping a relationship alive and well. [Read: 15 reasons you’re getting bored with your relationship]
Once you realize that getting rid of monotony means injecting fun times and great conversations into your relationship, you will realize that it was never that hard to deal with in the first place.