Driven Men – smart, entrepreneurial, curious, open-minded, ambitious achievers – shape our world and set trends for others to follow. They are the innovators, the creators, the influencers and the leaders.
Hence, it is crucial these driven find the perfect partner who would support and compliment them the way they need to. However, it is often very challenging for driven men to find emotionally fulfilling relationships. This is why ambitious men need to know exactly what they are looking for when seeking a romantic partner.
“AMBITION IS LIKE LOVE, IMPATIENT BOTH OF DELAYS AND RIVALS.” – SIR JOHN DENHAM
Driven men, successful men, and entrepreneurial men all have something in common…
They all yearn for an emotionally fulfilling relationship.
Sure, all people crave a highly functioning and fulfilling relationship. But in my career as a relationship coach, I have consistently seen driven, high-achieving men, to be the most love-starved.
But why would that be?
Why Driven Men Have Messy Love Lives
“A MAN WITHOUT AMBITION IS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL WORM–IT CAN CREEP, BUT IT CANNOT FLY.” – HENRY WARD BEECHER
The more time and energy that driven men put into their careers and self-optimization (fitness, education, nutrition, spiritual practice, etc.) the more they tend to delay being in intimate relationships.
Since driven men are risk-tolerant in business yet risk-averse in emotional intimacy, they tend to subscribe to the “I’ll just keep getting more and more perfect until one day I’ll just fall into the perfect relationship that’s meant for me.”
But this is akin to standing next to a golf ball and taking 400 practice swings before you actually take a shot. You can prepare all you want, but the real learning comes from the experience of breaking through your emotional barriers within a committed relationship.
Unless of course, the relationships you keep falling into are just as safe as taking your practice swings because you end up in relationships with people that aren’t a compatible match with you.
So how do you, as a driven man, know what sort of things to look for in a partner?
The 3 Things That All Driven Men Need In A Partner
“Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.” – Jumar
While this isn’t an exhaustive list, between all of the most highly functioning long-term relationships that I have been witness to over the past decade, these are by far the most common traits that I see embodied in the partners of driven men.
1. Someone Who Is Kind To You When You Are Wrong
In their business dealings, driven men are wizards at being stubborn and laser beaming to the core of the matter. And while this helps them in business negotiations, it doesn’t help them nearly as much in their love lives.
Having a partner that will be kind and patient with you in those moments when you forget that she isn’t your employee and you can’t make all the decisions will be invaluable to your love life’s long term success.
2. Someone Who Is A Cheerleader
Entrepreneurs have an overactive optimism bias – meaning that they assume that they have a lower risk of experiencing a negative outcome than others. As such, they need a partner who can support them in their near manic-like work sprint phases of productivity.
Not only do they need encouraging words when they are up, they especially need someone to help them with emotional support when they are down.
After great success with his first two businesses, my father (a brilliant and talented serial entrepreneur) sold them to open a third business that went bankrupt within a year. With three children under five years old, it was a tough time for my parents. My dad struggled with depression and lost confidence in his entrepreneurial abilities. Fortunately, he had the courage and strength of a strong woman behind him (my mom) to help him through those difficult years.
A less supportive partner would have looked at the current reality of “what is” and packed up and left. But his brave and loving partner was able to see “what was” and “what will be” in the future and knew that he would be able to pick himself back up again. My dad speaks positively about that early business failure. It taught him the value of having strong support in family, friends, partners, and mentors, and not hesitating to ask for help.
4. You want him to love you, but you want to be alone too
Independent women love their alone time. You enjoy your own company and you are comfortable with being just by yourself, unwinding and reflecting after a hard day of work. But you also crave company and the warmth that the unconditional love of a man can offer you. And this can make you more confused than you need to be.
But does it mean that you can’t get a boyfriend? Does it mean you can’t attract men as you scare them away? No. You can definitely attract men with your confidence and charisma. The question is can you attract the men you want to attract? Can you attract the right men?
This is why strong women can’t attract the right men.
Smart, successful, independent and strong women are usually comfortable with their masculine energy, sometimes even more than their feminine energy that makes them loving and receptive. And this is why she finds it hard to build a meaningful, loving and lasting relationship. However, this masculine energy does not help her in attracting a loving, caring soulmate. But that doesn’t mean she can’t attract men. The problem is she ends up attracting all the wrong men.
Attracting men is easy for the independent woman. The kind of man who relies on his woman to provide for him and do all the hard work. Weak and submissive men who don’t respect themselves and in turn are unable to respect her. As long as you want to take the lead in a relationship, you will only attract men who are willing to be your followers. Men who are comfortable with their feminine energy, sometimes even more than their masculine energy that makes them protective, loving and provide for you.
How to find true love as a strong and independent woman
“A strong woman builds her own world. She is one who is wise enough to know that it will attract the man she will gladly share it with.” – Ellen J. Barrier
A relationship is not something that you should want to accomplish, conquer or lead, like your career or other aspects of your life. When you want to attract a soulmate, you need to focus on attracting a person who will love you for who you are. A man who is your equal and treat you like his queen, but sees himself as the king too. So if you wish to find true love as a mentally strong woman, then you must learn to be receptive when it comes to love and relationships. This is how you can build a long term, committed relationship with a man who will respect you as much as he respects himself.
Instead of taking home any hot guy who will hit on you, you need to believe that you deserve love, just like you believe in yourself in every other aspect of your life. You need to have patience and identify the men who will work hard to attract you. Wait and watch who vies for your attention. Who puts in the most effort to treat you the way you deserve to be treated and then some. Instead of going into a relationship with a guy who you find sensually appealing, commit to a person who has proven that he wants you as his woman, who is gentle, loving and kind. Who makes an effort to understand you and appreciate you. A man who has proven that he will always be there beside you. Someone you can finally rely upon.
Attract the man who loves you as you are
“THE BEST PROTECTION ANY WOMAN CAN HAVE, IS COURAGE.” – ELIZABETH CADY STANTON
The only way for you to find true love and build a lasting romantic relationship is for you to open your heart and let your guard down a bit. Be more receptive in the matters of the heart and allow love to flow into your life. When you find a man who proves that he loves you, wants to be committed and shows that he is in it for the long haul, then you need to allow him into your life and your heart.
Being strong doesn’t mean you close yourself off. Being strong doesn’t mean you protect yourself and keep yourself from getting hurt emotionally. Being strong means that despite all the risks of getting your heartbroken, you dare to fall in love because you know that no matter what happens, you’ll be fine.