Knowing if you and your partner need relationship therapy can be tricky. These 25 signs help you decide if it’s time to seek professional help.
Admitting that your relationship might be on the rocks is not easy. However, recognizing what it is and wanting to fight for it is the only way to save it. Relationship therapy can provide a lot of help in a struggling relationship.
If you ignore your relationship problems and bury them, the likelihood is you’ll only make things worse, argue more, and become more miserable. When you do try to finally sort it out, it will be too late and feel like the only option is to end it.
25 signs relationship therapy might work for you
The good news is that if both parties are willing, if they love one another, and really want to make their relationship work, then a lot of problems, yes, even really big problems, get sorted out. There are some instances where perhaps it’s a better idea to walk away. Only you really know if your relationship is worth the fight.
If it is and you want to do something about it, relationship therapy might just be the answer that you seek. Relationship therapy has helped thousands of couples get back on track. But how do you know if your relationship really needs it?
#1 You have big fights. If you have big fights with your partner, relationship therapy could be very useful. Constant screaming matches over issues, however big or small, are not healthy in a relationship.
Everyone fights from time to time, but these should be infrequent and certainly not reach the level where you really shout, being deliberately hurtful or aggressive. [Read: The top 20 reasons for divorces most couples overlook]
#2 You put one another down. Being deliberately hurtful and mean to one another shows things turned bitter. If you find yourself putting your partner down, or vice versa, you might need to turn to the professionals. [Read: 6 things you should never, ever say in relationship fights]
#3 You are no longer affectionate. Did you hold hands and cuddle up in the evening, but that’s now gone? This is a sign you aren’t connected in the same way you used to be.
#4 The sex has dried up. Everyone’s sex life slows down in a long-term relationship, but if being physical is off the radar altogether, or one of you is unhappy with your sex life, a relationship therapist could help.
#5 You struggle to find reasons to be together. If you can’t remember why you are with your partner and struggle to find positives in your relationship, things can feel pretty dire. Some counseling and talking can get to the bottom of it and help you remember why you want to be together once more.
#6 You don’t appreciate one another. If you feel unappreciated and your partner complains of the same, you lost the ability to appreciate and respect one another. Sometimes you can find it again with relationship therapy. [Read: 16 really easy ways to instantly show your appreciation for someone]
#7 You can’t forgive one another. Sometimes old arguments and disagreements are hard to let go of. You might need some help to work through your issues and find a way to forgive one another.
#8 You bicker constantly. Constant bickering is incredibly draining and could be a sign of something more serious. To get to the bottom of it, a relationship therapist helps tease out the issues.
#9 You both become selfish. If you only think about yourself in your relationship, you might as well be out of it. Being considerate of the other is so important. [Read: Selfishness in relationships and 15 tips to do the right thing]
#10 You think about finishing the relationship. If you often think about breaking up with your partner, you are clearly at the end of your tether, and relationship therapy could bring you back together.
#11 You fantasize about cheating. Do you think about cheating on your partner? Do you flirt with other people or behave inappropriately when they are not around? This is a sign they hurt you, and you don’t respect them anymore. This needs addressing ASAP.
#12 You are unfaithful. If you or your partner has been unfaithful, it can be an incredibly difficult thing to get over. External help encourages you both to address it and work your way through it.
#13 You fantasize about another life. Do you feel like you want to escape? Do you imagine what your life would be like without your partner? When things aren’t going well it can be easy to give up. However, relationship therapy helps you find another way.
#14 You always moan about your partner to your friends. Do you feel like you have nothing good to say about your partner? Do your friends turn against them because of your stories? This is a sign your relationship needs help.
#15 You feel you can’t communicate with your partner anymore. If you don’t know how to express yourself to your partner, or don’t see the point, a third party helps teach you how to communicate well once more. [Read: 15 rules to be a good partner in a relationship]
#16 You don’t talk about your relationship to anyone else. Do you stay quiet about your relationship because you know it’s so bad? This could be a sign that you need some help to make it through.
#17 You never go on dates. Have you stopped bothering to make time to do things together, just the two of you? You need this in a relationship, find a way to get back on track.
#18 You never make an effort to look nice. Relationships require work. If you aren’t making an effort any longer it could be your relationship is on the rocks.
#19 You make big decisions without consulting your partner. Making big decisions without talking to your partner shows a lack of respect. Respect is hugely important in a relationship.
#20 You turn to other people for advice. If you would rather talk to anyone but your partner when you need advice, it shows that you do have things you want to talk about. Your partner, who ideally is the first person you turn to, is not who you want to talk to. A counselor helps you figure out why, learn to trust in one another, and value one another’s opinions once more.
#21 You fight about money. Fighting about money places a massive strain on your relationship. Seek help to talk through these issues. [Read: What to do if your partner makes more money than you]
#22 The same issues keep coming up. If your arguments always seem to be about the same thing, a relationship counselor helps you to get to the root cause.
#23 You want to have relationship therapy. If you feel relationship therapy could be the answer, then there is no reason not to give it a go.
#24 Your partner wants relationship therapy. If your partner suggests relationship therapy they clearly feel you need it, but also want to fight for your relationship. Try to be open and amenable to the idea. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
#25 You want to have a healthy relationship. For some people, relationship therapy is a way of life! It often leads to a wonderfully healthy relationship where you are both open, honest, loyal, and loving. So, it could be the best thing you’ve ever done!
Admitting to yourself and your partner that you need relationship therapy feels extremely daunting. However, it can actually be a really positive sign. You don’t want to waste months or even years being unhappy in your relationship. Make a huge difference in your relationship by giving it a try.
So, if the above signs seem like you, are you willing to give relationship therapy a try? You could well be on your way to a healthy, happy, long-lasting relationship—and who wouldn’t want that after all?!