You’re probably really excited. But if you want it to last, then pay attention to this first relationship advice. You’ll need it.
No one gave me any first relationship advice with my first boyfriend. In all honesty, I think people were surprised I even managed to have a boyfriend. But regardless of what people thought, having their wisdom would have helped.
Now, I don’t mean to freak you out. If anything, you should use my failures as inspiration to not make similar mistakes. So, I’m going to give you some much needed first relationship advice, that way, you come out ahead.
Must-know first relationship advice that makes all the difference
In my first relationship, I literally did everything wrong. I think the only thing I succeeded in was figuring out how to drive to his house. Other than that, I was a pretty shitty girlfriend.
It’s not because I was horrible to him, I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to show affection. I was too scared to voice my opinions on things that bothered me. Combined, these are a deadly combination for a failing relationship. Relationships are hard. Let’s make it easier. [Read: New relationship advice for the perfect start]
#1 Find a balance. There’s a well-known joke of when people get into a relationship, they suddenly become dead to their family and friends. Literally, they disappear off of the face of the planet.
Everyone knows they’re with their new girl/boyfriend, but it shouldn’t be like this. Your relationship quickly fizzles out if you don’t find a proper balance between your partner and your friends and family. [Read: The 11 signs you’re spending waaayyy too much time with your partner]
#2 You probably won’t end up with this person. Yeah, I know, you thought you were going to marry them. Listen, I’m not saying you won’t marry them, but you probably won’t marry them. But that doesn’t mean your relationship shouldn’t be taken seriously. Put yourself in the relationship, enjoy every moment of it, and just see where it goes. [Read: All the reasons why your first love isn’t usually your last]
#3 You don’t own them. I thought I owned my boyfriend, I thought he was mine, and I was all his. But things don’t work that way and nor should they. You have to accept that your partner has their own personal lives: friends, family and hobbies. This doesn’t mean you must be around them every waking minute, they deserve their own personal time away from you and so do you.
#4 Don’t try to change them. Listen, you may not like certain things about them, but this doesn’t mean you change them. I attempted to get my boyfriend into college, and he dropped out after a couple months. He didn’t want to go, and I tried to change his mind. But the point is, you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change.
#5 Don’t rush. You may not have had sex yet and you know what, that’s okay. I waited a couple months before having sex with my first boyfriend, and it did the relationship a lot of good.
We became friends first and spent quality time together outside of the bedroom. So, you don’t have to sleep with them right away, do what feels right for you. [Read: Taking it slow in a relationship and how to do it right]
#6 Don’t argue over text. You can text to communicate with your partner over simple things such as when they are coming over or if they want you to bring pizza to their place. But never have your arguments over text message. Anything you feel that you should talk about, always do it in person. Texting will only make it worse. [Read: How to resolve the conflict without all the drama]
#7 Don’t change yourself. Be who you are, not what you think your partner would like. They like you for a reason, don’t change yourself. If you have a set of opinions and values, you shouldn’t change them in order to be with someone. Yes, you can compromise, but the core of you should always stay the same.
#8 Communication is everything. Seriously, it’s everything. If you want your relationship to last, be sure that you communicate with your partner. If not, your feelings and thoughts will be swept under the rug and only build up to a massive explosion. Exploding on your partner usually doesn’t end that well. So, if something’s bothering you, talk about it.
#9 Set boundaries. You have your own personal boundaries that you feel comfortable with. Now, for the most part, you’ll experiment a lot to see where those boundaries are. Maybe you like PDA or maybe you can’t stand the sight of it. But whatever your boundaries are, make sure that you vocalize them to your partner. [Read: 10 crucial steps to setting boundaries in your life]
#10 Try new things together. This is your first relationship, it’s exciting! So, with your partner, try new things out together. Go paintballing, head to an amusement park, or a hobby farm. Don’t spend your time cuddling in bed all day, take the time to explore the world with them. After all, they’re your partner.
#11 If you did something wrong, apologize. No one likes to admit that they screwed up, but if you did, be mature and apologize to them. Not only will it help you grow as a person, but it shows your genuine care for them. Of course, it won’t solve the fight, but it shows them that you’re aware of what you did wrong. [Read: How to genuinely apologize and say sorry to your lover]
#12 Don’t expect the sex to be mind-blowing. Now, I don’t mean that you should be with someone who isn’t satisfying you sexually, but if this is your first time and their first time, well, it’s going to take time to get comfortable with each other on a sexual level.
On top of that, you need time to figure out what works and what doesn’t. So, if you have sex for the first time, and it isn’t what you expected, don’t worry, it just takes time. [Read: The virgin’s guide to nailing sex the first time]
#13 Don’t invade their privacy. This is a huge thing. We all become insecure when we like someone, and we want to know everything they do, especially on their phones. But don’t start snooping. If you snoop, you find what you look for. If you have a feeling that your partner is cheating on you, talk to them, don’t snoop through their things.
Now that you have some of my well-thought out first relationship advice, it’s time you worked them into your relationship. I want to see you have a successful and happy relationship. So, pay attention to this advice.