You find yourself yawning when looking at your partner’s face. But you don’t want to break up with them, you just want to ditch the relationship boredom.
Sometimes I think about the couples that have been together for twenty years and still somehow manage to excite each other. Twenty years! That’s a long ass time. Obviously, there were moments where they couldn’t stand looking at each other, but they managed to pull through the relationship boredom.
Every relationship goes through their periods where it feels like it’s more of a friendship than an intimate relationship. Some couples take that as a sign to break up while other couples see they just need to ignite the flame that was once there.
How to beat relationship boredom
Relationship boredom can make you feel alone in the relationship. And you feel negative about the relationship because of the lack of excitement or spontaneity. Boredom can take on many forms, it really just depends on what you consider to be boring for you.
But the point is, you feel it. You feel bored with your partner which is normal, but it’s based on your perception. So, if it’s based on your perception, that means you can change this.
By changing the way you view the relationship, you change the way you feel about it. Don’t start dividing your belongings and moving back into your mom’s house just yet. You may be able to fix this. It happens to the best of us. [Read: 12 real reasons why couples start drifting apart over time]
#1 What is boredom to you? This is the money question right here. What is it about the relationship that you find to be boring. Depending on what you believe is boring in your relationship, the next steps will be different. Have you completely lost interest in your partner or is it that you still find them interesting but the relationship itself has lost its excitement? You have to know the answer to this.
#2 How does your partner feel? Ah yeah, you probably forgot about how they feel in all of this. Don’t worry, we’re all guilty of this. Maybe they feel the same way as you or maybe they’re really content. The point is, you don’t actually know because you didn’t ask them. It’s a hard question to ask, but once you see what makes them bored, then you compare and take the right steps from there. [Read: 8 pillow talk conversations that’ll bring both of you closer overnight]
#3 Make a joint plan. The only way this will work is if you both are invested in fixing this feeling of boredom. You both need to work on parts of the relationship to depart boredom city. If you simply lost the excitement when talking to each other, you’ll both need to work on changing the routine to make your days more interesting.
#4 Change your perception. Your perception of the relationship is a huge factor in this. Your perception may not match reality, and that contributes to your feelings of boredom. Just because you have a routine that’s comfortable doesn’t mean your relationship is boring. Listen, a majority of relationships isn’t a Sex in the City episode. That’s the truth.
If that’s in your head, get it out. Enjoying your time watching a movie or cuddling doesn’t make the relationship boring, so as long as you enjoy your partner for who they are. Everything else is fixable. [Read: 14 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]
#5 Look within. Usually, when we’re bored, it’s a reflection of ourselves. Our boredom usually stems from us not fulfilling a self-need. When you’re feeling bored, look within yourself as the answer may be right under your nose. The relationship is a safe space for you to grow in, so take advantage of that and explore your feelings.
#6 Have goals together. Sometimes, we just need to have something to look forward to to cure relationship boredom. You know, something that gives us a slight rush. Planning a trip together, for example, is one way where you can both look forward and work towards that one goal. You both have something to be excited about and share together. [Read: 15 reasons why you’re starting to get bored with your relationship]
#7 Be a child. Don’t misread that as me telling you to have a child. Children won’t solve this! When we’re dating, we’re goofy, playful, and funny. So, why can’t you be that now? You should try goofy and playful in your relationship. When you lose that sense of playfulness, that’s when things become boring as you’re no longer curious. If you’re laughing, how can you be bored?
#8 Do things alone. Yes, yes, yes. I know this sounds weird and counterintuitive, but listen up. You need to do things alone. Not only does it give you some personal space, but then you have something to share with your partner. Do things that are out of your own comfort zone, activities that challenge you. You’ll feel more confident and lively after. [Read: This is why you shouldn’t spend all your time together]
#9 Do something out of your comfort zone. This goes for your partner as well. If you both can do something out of your comfort zones together, even better. In relationships, it’s easy to fall into a routine, this is what may give you the feeling of relationship boredom. But, you can change that. Try a new activity together, take a class. Whatever it is, do something that you both wouldn’t normally do.
#10 Find a hobby you both love. If you both love hiking, great! If you both love scuba diving, even better! Now you have found a hobby which you both find pleasure in. So, go do it together. It’s something exciting, something different. You won’t feel guilty dragging your partner along with you to some hike, and they won’t feel like they’re being dragged along behind you.
#11 Have date nights. It’s so easy to make popcorn and sit on the couch binging on Netflix. But your Friday night doesn’t have to be like that at all. Instead, have weekly date nights. Try out a new restaurant, go grab some ice cream, watch a movie, see a Burlesque show *which I highly recommend*, whatever is happening in your city, go check it out. [Read: 10 sexy ways to make a long term relationship feel like a one night stand tonight]
#12 Accept that it’s normal to be bored. After a while, it’s normal to feel boredom, it really is. This is something you must accept. Once you accept it, you can start to change and add some different elements to your relationship. You just have to put in the effort. If not, you’ll continue to stay bored. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
#13 Seek therapy. If you’re having problems finding things to do and struggling with getting out of this feeling then why not go to couples therapy? A couple’s therapist is specialized in dealing with issues between couples, so they help you understand and provide tools tailored to you and your partner.
Every relationship goes through their ups and downs. Sometimes, you experience relationship boredom, but it’s your responsibility to reignite the flame.