The minute you realize that love has died in your relationship, that’s when you know that the end will soon be following in its wake.
Love is a very strange thing. No one can really give love a proper definition, because no two loves are the same. There is no greater force on earth that would be such a mystery for many. They say that love never dies a natural death, and I’m here to discuss what kills it.
When it comes to love, I admit that I am but a fool. What I have learned from love, I have drawn from experience. I can never really rely on books, because too many of them have turned out to be mere delusions of a beautiful mind.
Is there such thing as forever?
Being a lonely soul, I find myself wandering from place to place. I try to find meaning in my life, and perhaps listening to people’s stories gives meaning to my seemingly colorless life. One thing that fascinates me is listening to the stories of couples who have made their love last. I have learned the hard way that nothing really lasts in this generation. Everyone is so used to living a fast-paced lifestyle, even love gets cheapened in the process.
I have found love, lost love, only to find it again. Time and time again, I find myself picking up the fragments of my shattered heart. I would find solace in talking to people, in listening to their stories. I have become fascinated by what they have to tell me, because their stories of love make it seem all the more genuine, and not something that you could buy at the dollar store.
I’ve heard stories of people breaking up, telling me stories that they had “fallen out of love” or that there was “absolutely no chemistry left.” Stories like this leave me terrified. If nothing lasts forever, how could love?
Why people fall out of love with their partners
What exactly causes love to flee from a once perfect relationship? Here are 10 reasons why love, despite promises of forever, can sometimes wither away into nothingness.
#1 Love dies because of unrealistic expectations. When one is in love, one tends to get such unrealistic expectations of the entire relationship. While there is no harm in putting your partner on a pedestal, there is a fine line between idealism and being blind to the entire thing. Remember that all those romantic films and novels have a one-dimensional feel to the characters and situations, and your partner is only human, prone to weaknesses, biases, and faults.
Such is the beauty of real love, choosing to love someone despite all their frailties. Unrealistic expectations can kill relationships, because expectations can lead to disappointments when these expectations aren’t fulfilled. Unfulfilled expectations can then lead to feelings of inadequacy and betrayal, which ultimately cause a relationship to fail.
#2 Love dies because it wasn’t built on a solid foundation. When love is built on the weak foundation of self-doubt and dishonesty, it will eventually crumble. Even great sexual chemistry isn’t solid enough a foundation to withstand the hurdles that your relationship may face. Friendship, as strong as it may be, can’t be the only foundation to work on, either.
You need trust, respect, and honesty. You need perseverance to get through love’s trials. Building a relationship on something as fleeting and flimsy as sex, infatuation, or a mutual flirtation will only guarantee failure.
#3 Love dies because it wasn’t really love to begin with. I have heard many stories of couples falling out of love because they didn’t feel like it was love anymore. Most people fall into a state of infatuation during the start of their relationship, and they tend to look at everything through rose-colored glasses.
Once the honeymoon stage is over, they realize that things aren’t the way that they used to be. The thing about relationships, the real ones, is that it gets better when the two people involved grow and move forward together. In the case of infatuation, the connection is only as fleeting as the initial thrill of attraction.
#4 Love dies because of betrayal. Trust is an expensive gift, and one should never expect it from cheap people. How far does the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” go? Truth be told, I have known what it was like to be with a cheater. I can tell you now that the experience is horrifying, and when one has been cheated on, one gets a feeling that one can never wholly trust again.
When one has been betrayed by the other, it can be hard to trust that person again. It is because of this that love dies a slow and painful death. It becomes like living in a personal hell, where your doubts and paranoia consume you and cause your relationship to crumble. [Read: 8 things you need to do before forgiving a cheater]
#5 Love dies because of fear. It’s okay to be afraid of losing your partner, but the problem arises when you’re so scared of losing them that you end up doing irrational things to keep them around. Sometimes, holding on to your partner too tightly can cause them to feel suffocated.
You may think that you’re just doing what it takes to make your partner happy, but you’d be surprised at how well people can smell fear and desperation. And when this invades your relationship, you’ll find that love gets pushed to the sidelines.
#6 Love dies because of the lack of growth. The years tend to change people, no matter how subtle the changes may be. Couples in a healthy relationship allow the years to help them to grow into better versions of themselves. They find ways to enrich their relationship, allowing it to mature with time.
However, there are some couples who try so hard to hold on to their honeymoon period that the relationship never progresses. There are also some couples who bring each other down as a way to keep each other on the same level. These actions only serve to stunt the growth of the relationship.
#7 Love dies because of old hurts and old lies. There are some old wounds that never really heal. It could stem from the hurt of betrayal or disappointment or resentment. Some old wounds can lead to grudges and pent-up anger. When these old issues remain unresolved, they fester and feed on whatever good things are left in the relationship, making the couple realize that their pain, anger, or resentment is stronger than the love they bear each other. [Read: 5 ways to stop an old affair from ruining your marriage]
#8 Love dies when there is no trust or honesty in the relationship. The very foundation of a good, solid relationship is trust. When you find yourself constantly wondering where your partner is, or constantly doubting your partner, you know that there is something wrong with your relationship.
Trust is what holds the relationship together. Trust is what gives one peace of mind in a relationship. Very often, many have found that they have invested too much trust in a relationship, all for it to go to waste. [Read: 10 telltale signs your relationship is doomed]
#9 Love dies because of incompatibility. While it is true that opposites can attract, it is compatibility that would be the deciding factor in a relationship in the long run. The honeymoon period of love would allow you to glaze over whatever faults and idiosyncrasies your partner might have. But time will eventually allow you to see if your relationship will last.
This would allow you to open your eyes to the truth, and sometimes, you’ll find that no matter how great things were from the start, your ultimate incompatibility will drive you apart. [Read: 10 cathartic love songs about the one that got away]
#10 Love dies because romance took over. Let’s get one thing straight: romantic love has to die in order for a more mature love to grow and prosper. Romance can sometimes look and feel like real love, when in fact, it’s a faà§ade that hides the true issues in a relationship.
Love isn’t all about romantic gestures and flowers and candlelit dinners. Couples must learn to shed the trappings of romance in order to see that love is also about hard work, overcoming trials together, and growing as a couple. When a couple is blinded by romance, they see love, but it’s an incomplete picture.
When you find that the love in your relationship has died, don’t let hope die with it. You can mourn and grieve, but in the end, you must know that you’ll have to get up and move forward.