When the motivation to work on your relationship has left you, it’s possible that at the back of your mind, you’re looking to break up with your SO.
Sometimes, relationships don’t work out. One day you wake up, and you realize that it’s not like the first few weeks or months when you first met your special someone.
People oftentimes get lost in the euphoria during the start, and they fail to see the signs of falling out of love and the ultimate breakup that follows. Only after a few weeks of moping, binge drinking, crying yourself to sleep, and telling yourself that it’s okay does the hindsight work its way to your consciousness.
The thing that differentiates romantic relationships from all others is the ambiguous thing people call the “spark.” It may go by other names like “butterflies in your stomach,” “fireworks,” or “magic.”
Given the metaphors mentioned, it is that inexplicable gut feeling that drives you to be closer to your special someone. If that feeling is taken away, or if for some reason it slowly disappears, you find yourself losing interest in your relationship. [Read: 10 steps to reignite the lost spark in a relationship]
Why do people suddenly lose interest in their relationship?
In any kind of commitment, the first question you ask is: “What’s in it for me?”
In the context of relationships, there is some kind of reward that makes you want to be with that person. To name a few: the feeling of being loved or cared for, the companionship, emotional support, intellectual gratification, and intimacy.
If these rewards get taken away and get replaced with insecurity, doubt, abuse, and heartbreak, any person that has a sense of self-preservation would want to get out of the said relationship.
9 signs you want to give up on your relationship
Falling out of a relationship can be gradual. Think of it as a sickness where you present symptoms prior to the full-blown disease. Here are some of the signs that you’re well on your way to breaking up:
#1 You start to put distance between you and your partner. Remember the first weeks of your relationship? Remember that uneasy restlessness you feel whenever you’re apart?
Now, the tables have turned. You suddenly feel tired with your routine get-togethers and start to skip calls, emails, and other forms of communication. Gradually, you ask for more time alone, you postpone dates, dinners, vacations, etc., while coming up with plausible excuses to give. [Read: 15 reasons why you’re getting bored with your relationship]
#2 You would rather go out with friends or other people rather than your partner. Similar to the first, you suddenly seek the company of your friends. During the first few weeks of your relationship, you can barely attend poker nights, reunions, sleepovers, spa bonding sessions, or whatever you and your friends do.
Now, you’re no longer missing in action. The hangouts get more and more frequent to the point that you cancelled dinner with your partner’s family with a lame excuse, just so you can grab a beer at the pub with your mates.
#3 You would rather be busy or productive with something than spend time together. If not hanging out with your friends, you delve into a workaholic frenzy just to stay away from your partner. You can’t go out for coffee because you’re doing overtime or attending a dinner meeting with your boss. Since work is a valid reason to be away, people tend to use this often. Your partner suddenly drops rank from your priorities checklist. [Read: Why are you still dating the wrong person?]
When you can’t seem to avoid your partner…
Maybe you were confronted about it, and you agreed to go out despite all the reasons in your playbook. You agreed just to spare yourself from the “you don’t have time for me anymore” tirade. So when you’re together, this is what happens:
#4 You act withdrawn and spaced out. Your partner is telling you about home and work troubles, or maybe something exciting they saw online, all the usual stuff you guys used to talk about when going out. Your partner has been going at it for minutes, when they startle you with a question that you clumsily respond to because you’re preoccupied with wayward thoughts.
You’ve seen it in movies before: you’re imagining your other happy place while the other person’s voice blurs into an incoherent droning. All of a sudden, they snap you from your reverie with, “hey, are you all right?” [Read: 10 telltale signs your relationship is doomed]
#5 You stop planning activities that would bring both of you together. Spending time with your partner starts to feel like a drag, so you avoid them like the plague. You rarely seek out your partner anymore and go passive aggressive by either making yourself busy or unavailable. DVD marathon night? Nah. You barricade yourself in the basement with a box of pizza and a six-pack, while spending long hours with your PlayStation 4.
Maybe you’re not that harsh. You still go out every now and then, but you only agree to dates that are convenient for you. If it’s too far, too expensive, or just too long and ritualistic, forget it.
#6 You become extra irritable and antagonize your partner frequently. If during the first weeks of the relationship you laugh at your partner’s foolish antics and tolerate their flaws and the things that your partner does to annoy you, now every little thing that they do ticks you off. If you’re a guy, you act worse than a woman during her period. And if you’re a woman, you’re most likely to use that as an excuse.
It could be the shirt he’s wearing, the way she plays with your hair, or old habits that you kept silent about. You suddenly confront your partner, and it would later erupt into a heated argument. Maybe you’re doing this unconsciously, which is a clear sign that you’re not into the relationship anymore, or you’re deliberately acting like a dick to speed up the breakup. [Read: 12 signs it’s time to jump ship and ditch your partner]
#7 You stop including them in your future plans. So you got a big break at work. Your boss is promoting you to site manager, and you have to move elsewhere. Consulting your partner is out of the question. For you, this is a win-win situation that would boost your career and serve as a reason to be away from your partner.
However, it doesn’t always have to be a big decision that you leave them out of. Sometimes, it could be as inconsiderate as forgetting to invite your partner to a vacation somewhere or forgetting important dates such as anniversaries. [Read: 20 clear signs your relationship is oh-so-over!]
#8 Sex becomes boring or non-existent. This is a very clear sign that you’re slipping off the relationship. When you first started the relationship, sex was so awesome and so frequent that both of you can’t seem to get enough of it. Now, it barely happens, to the point that an octogenarian couple gets more sex than you both.
Sex and intimacy is an essential part of a relationship that allows you to connect with you partner in a deeper level. If you think about it, even superficial relationships are based on sex alone. So if you’re always “not in the mood,” it could be a sign that you’re losing interest, and therefore want to break up. [Read: How to fall out of love and end a dying relationship]
#9 You are seriously considering a breakup, and you even have an exit plan. This one screams impending breakup. You’re secretly planning on how you’re going to tell your partner that you’re done. It also includes a “logistics” checklist of your stuff, which you’ll be taking in case you’ll be moving out.
You ponder locations to stay in case you get kicked out. So you have a speech, a safe house, and all your belongings. The only thing missing is the right moment to set your plans in action.
“Love is like drug addiction,” as pundits say, and that metaphorical drug is supplied by your special someone. As you spend time with your partner, you get to know things about them that could either be good or bad. The “good” parts are the ones that got you into the relationship in the first place.
It depends on your respect and understanding on how to deal with the “bad,” which are your partner’s quirks and shortcomings. After all, you are a mirror image of your partner, who’s also susceptible to the same mistakes.
As time passes, both of you may be too comfortable with relationship routines and forget the reason why you’ve been together all this time. Pause and reflect on the status of your relationship and whether or not you wish to remain with your partner.