Relationships aren’t always easy, but they can be. If you have an INTJ relationship, all you need is some understanding. So here’s how to get along.
If you’re scratching your head and only reading this feature because you have no idea what an INTJ relationship is, don’t worry. You’re not alone! Not everyone has heard this terminology.
The Myers-Briggs 16 personality types
INTJ is a personality type, according to the Myers-Briggs Personality test. This test is designed to figure out a person’s psychological preferences for how they make decisions and perceive the world.
One of the women who created the test is Katherine Cook Briggs. She started to do research trying to understand people’s personalities all the way back in 1917. Later, with the help of her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers, they based their personality test on Carl Jung’s theory that there are four ways people experience the world: sensation, intuition, feeling, and thinking.
But the Myers-Briggs test goes beyond Jung’s theory. They added many more elements to it, with one being the introvert-extrovert dimension.
Introverts vs. Extroverts
I don’t want to bore you by explaining all the different combinations that make up ALL the 16 personality types. So, I’ll just touch upon the difference between introverts and extroverts, since most people think they know what that means.
Most people think that introverts are shy and anti-social, and extroverts are outgoing and the life of the party. While that can be true, it is way more complex than that. [Read: Introverts vs Extroverts – Which side are you on?]
Yes, as a rule, introverts do like to be alone more than extroverts do. But that doesn’t mean that introverts can’t be outgoing and social. And it also doesn’t mean that extroverts never like to be alone.
It’s about where you get your energy from. Do you feel energized *extrovert* or drained *introvert* in a group of people or crowd? Introverts get re-charged by spending time alone. On the other hand, extroverts get charged up by being with people.
And then there are the little-known, seldom-heard-of ambivert. Basically, ambiverts are both introverted AND extroverted. I consider myself an ambivert, even though I come out as an ENTJ on the Myers-Briggs test every time.
What is an INTJ?
An INTJ personality is not very common. In fact, only 2% of the population falls into this type. So, if you are one yourself, or you’re in an INTJ relationship, it’s a rarity!
And here’s another interesting fact about INTJs. There are more males who are INTJs than females. As you read on, you’ll understand why. [Read: Why introverts are much more than just shy and awkward]
Characteristics of an INTJ relationship
Whether you are an INTJ or dating one *or even just know one*, there are some things about them that can affect relationships – for better or for worse. As with anything, the more we understand something, the happier we are. So here are some characteristics of INTJs, and how they affect an INTJ relationship.
#1 They tend to be private. If an INTJ is dating someone like me *an ENTJ*, it might bug me that they are so private. I love self-disclosure, and I think it’s how you build intimacy in a relationship. But because INTJs don’t share much about themselves, this could be an issue for the more extroverted types. [Read: The introvert’s fool-proof guide to dating an extrovert]
#2 They can be perceived as a “book worm.” Unfortunately, our culture stereotypes book worms and thinks they’re nerdy. That’s too bad, because it’s not necessarily true. INTJs are perceived this way because they are always searching for knowledge and deep understanding.
But if that doesn’t work for you *if you are another personality type*, then you might think they are trying to avoid you by not talking to you, and using reading as an escape mechanism.
#3 They hate rules and limitations. Hmmmm… this could be a problem in romantic relationships, don’t you think? Because, let’s face it, there are rules when it comes to dating *like don’t cheat*. Or even rules such as, hey call me once in while. Well… they might not like that. Yup, that’s an INTJ relationship for ya!
#4 They are imaginative and curious. INTJs are highly intelligent. Hence, the “book work” stereotype. They are either seeking to understand something or cooking up something new in their own minds. As you might imagine, that attention is going toward a book or their own thoughts, not always to another person. [Read: Easy dating advice for introverts – 19 tips and tricks]
#5 They are decisive. Hey, that’s good. Right? Well, maybe, maybe not. It depends on what kind of personality type you are. If they are too decisive, they might not listen to your point of view. So, you need to reel them in and make sure they don’t walk all over you.
#6 They are ambitious. This is great too – maybe. I mean, accomplishments are awesome. And there are so many benefits that can come from them. But if they are so dedicated that they turn into a work-a-holic, well, you can understand what that would mean to a relationship. Enough said.
#7 They like sharing their deep knowledge with other people. Because they’re so smart, deep, and always curious, they sometimes want to share that information with people. That’s great if it’s something you’re interested in, but if not, it could be a snooze-fest. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex]
#8 They like to master topics. It’s not enough for an INTJ to just read a short article about something and leave it at that. Once they get thirst for something, they have to delve deep into it so they can understand it completely and become a master on the subject.
#9 They like to execute plans. Again, that’s great for reaching goals and achieving things in life. But maybe someone they are dating has a spontaneous personality and doesn’t like plans. Hmmm, bummer. That might not work so well.
#10 They don’t like gossip – or anything else uninteresting. Are you seeing a pattern here? INTJs are all about being deep, learning, and acquiring knowledge. So, why would they care that your friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her? It’s just irrelevant information to them. [Read: Motivational tips and tricks for introverts and shy people]
#11 They are always questioning and re-evaluating things. Oh, yes. There’s that inquisitive mind again! They are always over-analyzing and questioning. Just saw a movie with them? The whole ride home will be an intellectual analysis of it. And you might want to scream, “It was just a f&*@king movie! It’s just entertainment… so shut up!!”
#12 They are clueless when it comes to romance. Whoops, this is a bad one if you are in love with an INTJ. But, if you have a major crush on one and they aren’t making any moves, well, now you know why. They have many talents, but romance and relationships aren’t necessarily one of them. Good luck with the romantic INTJ relationship! You might need it. [Read: 16 ways to show your appreciation for someone you love]
#13 They tend to have high self-confidence. This probably stems from the fact that they are so intelligent. Being so deep and smart can bring a sense of being “better” than other people. That’s not imply that they put other down or anything, but…
#14 They can be arrogant and judgmental. So… sometime they can. They don’t degrade people on purpose, but because they are so smart and knowledgeable, they might find it difficult to understand why other people aren’t. This can give other people the feeling that they are arrogant or judgmental.
#15 They might have unorthodox ideas. Remember when I said they don’t like rules or limitations? Yeah, that includes some mainstream ideas too. This might mean that they are an atheist or believe in some unknown political philosophy. Because, you know, they think out-of-the-box, unlike most of the population.[Read: The socially awkward person’s guide to flirting]
INTJ relationships are unique, just like most relationships. But since an INTJ is so rare, it might be more difficult to understand them. However, when you do – it’s worth it.