Being friends with your partner is a great foundation for your relationship, but what do you do when your whole relationship feels like friendship?
Feeling like your partner is your best friend is actually really healthy for your relationship. But when your relationship feels like friendship only, and no longer your lover, you may want to make some changes.
Why your relationship feels like friendship
Once that honeymoon phase is gone and the excitement or passion take a back seat, your relationship can feel like pure friendship. The mystery and intrigue you once had has become comfort and security. There is nothing wrong with that, but keeping that spark alive takes a little more work.
You’re not platonic, so you need to actively make sure your relationship has the intimacy required of a lasting and loving couple.
What to do when your relationship feels like friendship
At some point, in nearly every relationship, a couple comes to a point where the romance halts and the friendship takes over. But in order to regain that relationship feel, amp things up in some departments and slow things down in others.
#1 Stop nagging. Nagging can make your relationship feel more like friendship. Nagging can take over all communication.
Think back to when you first started dating. When you wanted your partner to do something you would ask politely and not let it get to you. Just because you are comfortable doesn’t mean you have to let go of the consideration. [Read: 14 ways to learn better communication and make your relationship stronger]
#2 Avoid being roommates. This does not mean you shouldn’t live together, you just shouldn’t let your roommate relationship overtake your romantic one. When it comes to bills, rent, and chores, try to separate it. Take an hour or so a week to discuss these things so it doesn’t interrupt your time as a couple.
Finance talk and fighting about who cleans the toilet does not say the spark is alive. [Read: What works and what doesn’t when you live with someone]
#3 Make romantic time. In the beginning of a relationship there is such an effort made when it comes to romance. Flowers are bought, candles are lit, and champagne is chilled. But once things get comfy, that tends to go out the window.
In order to bring back the relationship vibes, make the effort again. Take time to go on dates and get dressed up. Light candles with dinner and play music. These things are so simple, yet they truly make all the difference.
#4 Vent to others friends. Too much venting can launch your relationship into a friendship. Yes, your partner is there to listen, but sometimes too much complaining can bring things down.
Instead reach out to your other friends for venting, that’s what they are there for. By subtracting the complaining from the equation you’re leaving more time for other conversations. [Read: 10 sexy conversation starters to get you both horny]
#5 Be physical. Friendship easily takes over once the intimacy stops. Everything from sex to kissing and even just rubbing a shoulder as you walk past makes all the difference. A simple touch can ignite a spark you thought was lost.
So make that reach. Instead of a kiss on the cheek before going off to work, have a real embrace. When sharing your stories from the week, rub each others shoulders. Small acts of touch remind you of the attraction you once were absorbed by. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
#6 PDA. Yes, we all slightly judge those couples who are heavily making out in public spaces, but why are they doing that? Because they simply cannot keep their hands off each other. The passion there cannot be missed.
Whether you kiss while out to dinner, put your arm around each other on the train, or just hold hands while shopping, these things release a message not just to the public, but also to one another that you want to be that close always.
#7 Send cute texts. Flirting via text may very well be how your relationship began. And even if it reminds you of young high school love, that is good. The intensity in those young relationships is powerful.
So whether you just send an “I’m thinking of you” text throughout the day or add a cute message to some thing like “Don’t forget to pick up the milk,” that can help remind your partner of the fire still burning. [Read: Here’s how to strengthen your relationship]
#8 Spice things up. Try new things in the bedroom, go on adventurous dates, and be spontaneous. Overcoming something new together bonds you. It reminds you how much you have invested in your partner.
And celebrating your success baking a new meal together, going mountain climbing, or trying a new position in bed will bring you closer together.
#9 Make everyday things more exciting. If your relationship feels like friendship, you probably do a lot of dull everyday things around one another. You get ready for work, make dinner, take a shower. So instead of going about those acts normally, make them more interesting.
Hop in the shower together and listen to music while cooking dinner together. Dull tasks don’t have to be dull. [Read: 20 ways to spice up a relationship and go from bland to ka-pow]
#10 Keep the mystery alive. You can keep being comfy and farting in front of one another, but keep the mystery alive in other ways. Instead of just stripping down and putting your PJs on at night, make it a sexy strip tease. Or plan a secret date.
Even text your partner at work telling them you have a surprise for them. Being coy and mysterious about something gives your partner and you something to look forward to. [Read: 30 super-sexy ways to spice up your sex life tonight!]
#11 Double date. You may think going out with friends would make you feel more like friends. But if you go on double dates with other couples, you’ll be more likely to reconnect. Seeing other couples holding hands or kissing reminds you of what you may be lacking.
It can help to start a conversation. And when you’re around other people, you tend to mirror mannerisms. So, if the couple you’re out with is cuddling in the booth, you are more likely to follow their lead. [Read: Fun double dating ideas and why it’s good to go on one]
#12 Notice the little things. When things get comfortable in a relationship people get taken for granted. So start noticing the little things again. When he opens the door for you or she picks up your favorite sushi for dinner.
These are not give-ins or things that come with any relationship. These are kind acts that show your partner went out of their way for you.
#13 Flirt. Flirting is not just for strangers. You can flirt with your partner when you call them midday. You can flirt when you’re making dinner plans or even heading to the in-laws for brunch.
Use your charm, your sense of humor, and attraction to get those giddy feelings going again. Just try to avoid too much sarcasm as that can come off as passive aggressive and very friendzone-like.
#14 Cuddle. Has date night turned into watching Netflix on the sofa? That’s fine. But instead of sitting on opposite sides of the sofa eating popcorn, get closer. Cuddling, leaning on one another, and even stroking your partner’s arm can reignite intimacy in a new way.
A simple touch can make all the difference. [Read: 17 ways to rekindle romance and spark up your love life]
#15 Try counseling. If you just don’t know where to start or how to make one of these moves, counseling may be your best bet. Starting a conversation and getting your partner to agree to it can be difficult, especially because you may not be fighting at all.
When your relationship feels like friendship, your partner may not even realize something is wrong because you get along, just not in a romantic way. Try to tell your partner you love them, but something is missing and you want to find the romance. They should understand and at least give it a try.
What happens if none of this works? Well, maybe you are better as friends. Some relationships just aren’t meant to be. Of course, not all couples have crazy hot chemistry and a burning passion, but some sort of attraction and romance should be alive.
If your relationship feels like friendship, try everything you can to reignite the flame. But if that doesn’t work, friendship may be the best way to keep this person in your life.