New relationships and decades-long relationships are both susceptible to implosion. But there are ways to know if your relationship is built to last.
Meet Lucy and Hakeem. They have been together for all of 4 months and are living on cloud 9. Unsurprisingly, everything is fresh. Everything is exciting. Everything is passionate.
Now, meet January and Tom. They have been together 20 years, have 4 kids, and are living in reality. Surprisingly, everything is fresh. Everything is exciting. Everything is passionate.
Two very different couples…yet, they share some core similarities. So how does a 20-year-old relationship measure up to a brand new one, in terms of excitement and frenzied passion? Honestly, only January and Tom hold the key to this much-sought-after secret, but one thing is for sure: their relationship is built to last.
There are many factors that come into play when determining if your relationship will last. Everyone enters into a partnership with the best intentions and the most solid of long-term plans. However, you won’t know how bitterly you failed until you walk out that door, never to return.
Standing tall and strong
Why wait ‘til then to figure out if your relationship will stand the test of time? Why not look out for signs now? That way, you can either work to fix it, or plan your great escape without wasting any more time. Here are 13 signs that your relationship is built to last.
#1 You’re honest with each other. Honesty is undoubtedly the best policy to live by, if you want your relationship to last. Whether it takes the form of bickering, gentle reminders, or straightforward admonitions that you’ve put on weight, being honest is very important. If you regularly practice honesty, there’s a high chance that your relationship is built to last. [Read: 15 conversations couples in perfect relationships have often]
#2 You’ve survived the unthinkable. If you’ve weathered storms together, there’s a good chance you’ll stick together in the long run. Whether your partner has survived a life-threatening illness, whether you’ve undergone multiple miscarriages, whether you’ve forgiven each other for infidelity, or whether you’ve moved around the world for each other, they all count. If your relationship can go through the toughest times imaginable and still emerge alive and thriving, it was built to last.
#3 There are shared goals. It is important that both parties share the same life goals. For example, your relationship won’t last if he wants kids and you don’t. It also won’t last if you want to live like a nomad and she wants to settle down. At the very least, you have to be looking in the same direction in order for the relationship to work. If not, you may as well bid farewell now.
#4 There’s teamwork. The whole point of entering into a partnership with someone is so that you have a team member to lean on. Whether it’s enjoying the finer things in life like taking a vacation together, or grunting through the pains of everyday life to ensure that the mortgage is paid on time, there should be teamwork if you want your relationship to last.
#5 There’s unfailing loyalty. Loyalty, in every sense of the word, is super important in a relationship. It could be anything, from standing up for your partner when someone’s bad-mouthing them, to not getting some action on the side. No matter what, as long as you’re true and just to one another, your relationship will stand the test of time. [Read: 17 ingredients of a happy and successful monogamous relationship]
#6 You don’t question your unity. Everyone questions their relationship. Thoughts such as, “Am I with the right person?” cross everyone’s minds now and then. Somehow, no matter how often you ask yourself this, you’ll know deep down inside that you’re on the right track. It’s that sense of “just knowing” that will keep your relationship strong.
#7 There’s mutual respect. Along with loyalty, respect is one of the most important traits to practice in a relationship. If you and your partner share a mutual respect for one another, you’re good to go. There’s nothing worse than being belittled by the person you love, so if you have to deal with this, you need to figure out a way to change it immediately.
#8 There’s excellent communication. What’s the point of pledging your heart and soul to someone if you can’t communicate? There’s nothing worse than keeping feelings pent up inside, because one day, they’ll all come tumbling out, and you can kiss your sweetheart goodbye. Be sure that the lines of communication are constantly open and don’t be afraid to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with your partner. [Read: How to build trust and improve communication in a relationship]
#9 There’s no judgment. No matter how ridiculous something may seem to you, don’t belittle your partner for loving it, doing it, or believing in it. There should be zero judgment in a relationship and you should be each other’s pillars of strength. Support comes in all shapes and forms, so be sure to exhibit this often. You have to let your partner know that no matter what, you’re not going to judge them, and you’ll offer continuous support.
#10 You make an effort to keep it alive. It’s the little things that matter in a relationship, and you’d be surprised at just how worthy all the little love notes, sweet emails, flowers, surprise picnics, playlists, and perfumed gifts are. As long as both of you are making an effort to keep the spark alive, there’s no reason why your relationship won’t last.
#11 There’s undying love. They say that loves conquers all and, to a point, they’re right. Nothing holds a relationship together better than love. If you’re still deeply in love with your partner despite all their flaws, you’re in the clear. [Read: How to stay in love forever with your lover]
#12 The sex is still exciting. Along with love, there’s sex. If the sex is still exciting, then you have nothing to fear. Whether you indulge in sex games, invite a third party into the bedroom, play with toys, or keep it on schedule, that’s your prerogative. Sex is as important as everything else on this list, and if you can still be thrilled by your partner, then your relationship will probably last.
#13 You share the same values. What many people fail to realize is that in order for a relationship to last, both parties have to share the same core values. If he loves God and you don’t, that’s a problem. If she believes in volunteering and you don’t, that’s a problem. If you can’t agree on how to raise your kids, you have a problem.
Of course, every relationship is different, and what’s considered a problem to one couple may be nothing to another couple. Whatever it is, you need to share the same values if you want to make things work. You can’t be butting heads all the time, because in the end, your poor heart *and head* won’t be able to take it anymore, and you’ll eventually walk out on each other.
There are countless variables involved in determining whether or not a relationship will last. We’ve identified 13 of the variables above. Check your relationship against these to determine whether you’ll stand the test of time…or be relegated to a faded photo in a scrapbook.