There’s no shame in needing relationship help. Being proactive about keeping your relationship healthy is a great thing. Here’s how to get help.
Nobody wants to admit they need help in their relationships. However, if you actually want to save your relationship and make it better, sometimes you need to face the fact that you need relationship help.
The first step to actually getting help is knowing when you need it. I know many people like to avoid talking about the difficulties in their relationships but you need to. If you truly care about that person and want to make it work, you’ll need to face the facts.
Not all relationships can be saved
It’s hard truth to hear, but there it is. Your relationship might not even be savable. In order to fix things and make your relationship healthy again, you’ll need to both want to fix it just as bad as the other.
Sometimes, however, it won’t work. You may have differences that can’t be overcome. Even if both of you want to make it work, it’s possible the issues you’re facing are far too big and deep for any amount of relationship help to be effective. [Read: 20 sure signs your relationship is oh-so-over already]
How to know when you need relationship help
If you’re not sure if your relationship is due for some serious fixing, there are many signs that can help you figure it out. Just make sure you’re being honest with yourself about these signs so you’ll be able to fix things before they get out of hand.
#1 You fight often. Couples argue. That’s just how relationships work. You’ll bicker over little things from time to time but fighting should never become your norm. If you’re having serious fights about stuff more often than you’re happy, it’s a sign your relationship needs a lot of help. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
#2 You get upset over the same things time and time again. If you always get upset over the same things, it’s a sign your relationship is in trouble. You shouldn’t have to tell your partner over and over again that something hurts you. If they’re doing the stuff that upsets you even though you’ve already talked about it, you need help.
#3 You use sex as a problem solver. Only having sex to make up after a fight isn’t how it should work. In most cases, you’re not completely made up when you have sex. Usually, you use sex as a way to stop the fighting without actually finding a solution to the problem.
This is obviously a huge issue. You’re sweeping stuff under the rug instead of addressing those issues and solving them. This is a huge sign you need relationship help. [Read: 10 harsh truths about using sex as a weapon and solution]
#4 You’re not having sex in general. On the other side of the sex issues, you’re not having any at all. You just don’t get intimate with one another. It feels as though you’re just friends who don’t get along as well as you used to. If that’s how you feel, your relationship is in trouble.
#5 You feel like your partner doesn’t care about you. This is a big issue. Feeling like your significant other doesn’t care about you means there’s a huge disconnect between you. That distance can cause a lot of major issues down the road if it’s not corrected as soon as possible.
#6 Your partner puts you down often. Does your significant other insult you in ways that they don’t think are insulting? Maybe they make a joke about your big nose or call your dress stupid. These might not seem like huge issues but you’ll end up forming resentment toward them and that will be the demise of your relationship. [Read: 16 abusive relationship signs of a devious lover]
#7 You keep reminiscing over the beginning of your relationship. How often do you think back to how things used to be? Wanting to go backward in a relationship is not healthy. You need relationship help if you want to go back to how things were in the beginning because clearly, they’re worse off now.
#8 You don’t feel comfortable about being vulnerable. If there’s one thing you should always be able to do with your partner, it’s being vulnerable. You should be able to talk to each other about anything and feel fully supported and not judged. If you can’t do that, there’s a serious problem.
#9 You feel bored. Relationships all go through periods of boredom and then excitement. However, if you’ve been bored for some time and things aren’t picking back up, you may need a little bit of help to get you back to a happier place. [Read: 15 reasons why you’re bored with your relationship]
#10 You want to talk about things but are afraid. If, whenever you want to talk to your partner about these feelings you’re having, you get upset and even scared of what they’d say, you need help. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship and not being able to talk about your problems means you need to get some assistance.
Where you can get help
Thankfully, you don’t have to deal with those issues all on your own. If you want to save your relationship and get some help, it’s always available. Here are the different forms of help you can get.
#1 A relationship counselor. If you really need to talk through your problems but aren’t comfortable going to your partner, then a relationship counselor is the best way to go. They’ll be able to provide you with a safe space you get things off your chest. They’ll also help talk you through your situation and provide some solutions for you. [Read: 5 reasons couple’s therapy isn’t working for you]
#2 Close friend moderators. If you both have a close friend or two, ask them for help. Talk to them and ask that they help your partner understand what’s going. They may even tell you the issues your partner is having with you, too. Make a point to only use friends you trust to help with your relationship.
#3 A real, honest conversation. I know it can be really hard to sit down and tell your partner you’re not happy with how things are going. I get it. But if you want to fix things, sometimes it’s best to try yourself, first.
Sit them down and have an honest conversation. Put those fears and reservations aside and just do it. Tell them how you’re feeling in a calm, controlled manner so they can see just how much you want to change.
Saving your relationship often means you need to admit when you need to fix things. Knowing when you need relationship help will definitely help you get to a better, happier, and healthier place together.