How do you know when to make a fuss of something and when not to? If you want to maintain your relationship, there are issues you must let go of.
Of course, these issues are very subjective and should be taken with a pinch of salt. Many factors come into play when determining what you should and shouldn’t ignore in a relationship. Your age, your personality, your partner’s dating history, how long you’ve been together, and many other little things should be considered.
Personality plays a major role in whether to let certain things go. For example, dealing with a bossy partner may bother someone who is easier going than someone who isn’t. Andy and Jimmy have been together for 14 years, and Andy has complained on more than one occasion that despite both of them being men, his partner wears the pants in the family. It’s not something that just recently cropped up, but something he has been aware of since their first date.
On the other hand, Matthias and Andrea were together for all of 2 months when Andrea unceremoniously dumped Matthias. She claimed that he was too bossy for his own good, and she simply could not envision a life with him. [Read: The right way to handle controlling behavior in a relationship]
Everyone is different, and there’s really no shame in admitting it. It all comes down to how strong your bond with your partner is. If you think that confronting your lover will improve the relationship, then you should try to work on things. However, if you think it’s going to bring on more problems and resentment, then let it go. Of course, be sure to have your best interests at heart, and never settle for mediocrity.
What issues aren’t worth fighting over?
If you’re stumped, here is a general guideline on 11 little relationship issues that you’re better off just ignoring.
#1 Bossiness. If you have to deal with a bossy partner, then you’re not the only one. It shouldn’t bother you too much because you can always tune out the bossiness and do it your way. They of all people will understand the importance of getting things done your way. All you have to do is calmly remind your partner that being bossy may advance their career, but at home, that attitude has to be left at the door. [Read: 20 glaring signs there’s a control freak in your life]
#2 Alone time. There’s nothing wrong if your partner needs some alone time. Don’t let it bother you too much because alone time is very important, especially if you live together. There are many ways for you and your partner to enjoy solo time without actually living apart. For example, one can indulge in a night out with friends, while the other stays home with the laundry.
You can also do something simple like plan a lazy day in where you dominate the bedroom, and your partner gets the living room. Indulge in sitting around alone in your knickers and zoning out to the latest season of Orange Is the New Black, and when both of you are ready to reunite, just call out to each other. [Read: 10 obvious hints your partner gives when they’re craving for more space]
#3 Superiority. I was on the fence about including this in the list, but I personally feel that having a partner who lords over you is a problem that many people face. This is definitely a personality issue and can easily be swept under the rug if you’re patient enough or know that your partner means no harm.
For example, Dannie has been with Andrew for over 6 years, and even people meeting them for the first time can tell that she plays the superior role in the relationship. Whether she intends to or not, she projects the impression that she’s better at everything. From how she does the dishes to how much she makes, she makes it seem like her accomplishments matter more than his.
Being made to feel inferior may break a lesser man, but Andrew knows that she means no harm. For all we know, how they behave in public may completely differ from what they’re like behind closed doors. [Read: 14 common things women say that emasculate their man]
#4 Friend time. Another issue that may cause problems in your relationship is when your partner wants to spend plenty of time with his or her friends. I personally don’t see this as an issue, but many people do. They think that because they’re with someone, they should spend every waking moment together.
If you’re one of these people, you have to let this go. There’s nothing wrong with letting your lover spend some quality time with people who care about them. Poker night with the boys is harmless, and so is heading for cocktails with the girls. Always remember that it’s good spending some time apart and focusing on yourself. When your partner is out and about with friends, you should do the same. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them]
#5 Lame jokes. Another relationship issue to let go of is your partner’s weak sense of humor. Say your lover cracks the lamest, most sarcastic jokes that do nothing more than embarrass you. If this is an issue, look at it this way: you should be pleased that your partner is making the effort to connect with you and the people around you.
Sure, telling lame jokes may not be the best way to do it, but you have to give them credit for trying. Go the extra mile, and laugh every so often at one of these jokes because hey, it doesn’t hurt to make them feel good.
#6 Kinkiness. This may be more of a plus point than an issue for most couples, but kinkiness is undoubtedly a problem for some. Just let it go, and play along. There’s truly nothing wrong with expanding your sexual horizons and trying things that you never thought you would. For all you know, you may awaken the sexual beast in you and discover a whole new world of wonder. [Read: 10 easy ways to help you open up about your kinky side]
#7 Inexperience. For some, dating someone with minimal or no relationship experience is a deal breaker. The same can be said for virgins. However, what matters most is your love for this person, not how much or how frequently they have loved in the past. From teaching your partner how to kiss just right to schooling them on the ins and outs of a serious relationship, think of it as a journey rather than a hindrance.
#8 Messiness. Socks in the hallway? Makeup spilling over every surface counter? Unmade bed? Well, messiness is very subjective. What may seem like an unholy mess to you may just be how things are done to others. There’s nothing wrong with gently reminding your partner to pick up after themselves and to make an effort to cater to your neat whims, but don’t blow it out of proportion. Only make a fuss if their messiness crosses the line and traipses into the unhygienic zone.
#9 Nitpicking. Why don’t you shave? Shouldn’t you iron that shirt? Do you think it’s time you go on a diet? Nitpicking is an issue that many people cannot stand, and for good reason, too. No one likes being told that how they’re doing things is wrong and stupid. If your partner nitpicks, then you should let them know that it’s your life to live and that you appreciate their concern.
However, don’t let this become too big of an issue because the same way a mother hen pokes and prods, your partner is just saying and doing these things because they want the best for you. [Read: 8 ways to be less critical of the people around you]
#10 Spending habits. Whether they’re a big spender or a thrifty miser, let them do as they please with their money. So long as they set aside a respectable amount for a rainy day and don’t need you to prop them up, let them do as they please. It’s their money, hence their decision to spend it as they see fit.
#11 Your friends hate your partner. We have all been exposed to that uncomfortable scenario whereby your friends don’t get along with your partner. You can no longer plan group get-togethers without being shot a couple of eye rolls from your besties.
At the end of the day, you’re the one dating this person, not them, so you should just let this relationship issue go. In fact, it shouldn’t even be an issue at all. Your friends will eventually come around, so no matter what, keep trying to make it work on both sides. [Read: Help! My friends don’t like my partner!]
When all is said and done, you should know if the issues you’re facing are those that you can live with or something you need to quash before things get out of hand. If you don’t know whether to pursue it, always listen to your inner voice. If your intuition tells you to confront your partner, then do it. Sure, there are consequences to be dealt with, but when you do it for yourself, you’ll feel a whole lot better about it no matter the outcome.
Pick your relationship battles instead of hounding your partner for every little issue that you spot. There are some relationship issues that are better off being ignored, so you might as well save yourself the stress and ignore them!