There are a billion fish in the sea. If you wonder, why am I single, there might be reasons other than not being able to find your fish.

If you ask, why am I single? The only one that can answer that is you. There are a million fish in the sea, wait, billions. If you can’t seem to find anyone that makes you happy, fulfilled, or that you want to be with, then maybe the problem isn’t about finding someone, maybe it lives with you.

Maybe you enjoy being single, which is fine. But stop thinking that there is some cosmic roadblock to your happiness that keeps you away from your mate. When you are ready to find someone to complete your life, you will open your heart and find the one.

10 things that keep you asking, why am I single?

If you waste all your time and energy trying to find “the one,” chances are good that you set an unrealistic goal about who someone should be and how perfect you are.

No one is going to be your exact match. You must accept the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly, but just know that to have a relationship and not be single, you give as much as you get.

Ultimately, you must decide that you really don’t want to be single.

#1 You have unrealistic expectations. We all grew up watching fairytales. Unfortunately, fairytales aren’t real. There is no such thing as the perfect relationship or a prince charming. If you think you’ll find a princess only to find a fire-breathing dragon, sometimes, you might be disillusioned by love.

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There are going to be ups and downs in relationships, but if you are only interested in the ups, then you aren’t ready. You don’t desire a true and honest relationship.

Relationships aren’t always fun, perfect, or even survivable because they require work, staying power, and a desire to fix things even when they aren’t fun to fix. [Read: 14 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]

#2 Your type isn’t any good for you. We all have a “type.” The problem is what our type is, isn’t always good for us. If you don’t like the “nice guy” or look for the “bad girl,” then you might be seeking out a relationship that is unhealthy for you.

If you want not to be single, try dating someone you normally wouldn’t consider. She doesn’t have to be a perfect *size two with blond hair*, maybe find someone that you have something in common with instead of worrying about what they look like or if they’re your type. Maybe they are what you want, but not what you need. [Read: The 20 kinds of lovers that exist in this world]

#3 You aren’t really ready for a relationship. Sometimes we say we want something when we really don’t. If all your friends are in relationships, then you convince yourself that you want to have someone in your life when you might really want to be alone and single. Only you decide for yourself what you want.

If you ask, why am I single, consider the potential that you want to be single and that it is okay to be so. Life is short. If you aren’t ready for a serious relationship and want to play the field, then keep the player’s mitt on and stop trying to live by what other people do.

Live for yourself, even if that means you aren’t ready for a relationship right now… or ever.

#4 You push people away out of fear. Some people are fearful of relationships. So the minute that things don’t feel one hundred percent, they push people away. If you have been in a ton of relationships and just when things start to get a little more than surface, you do something to blow it up. You might be pushing people away.

There are all sorts of reasons why we push people away. Whether it is from past hurts, poor modeling from your parents, or just fear in general of letting someone in, if you want a relationship, then start to examine your own patterns. Is there something you do to push people away? [Read: Want to fall in love? Change these 8 self-sabotaging habits]

#5 You just haven’t found the right one. There is a chance that you just haven’t found the right person. We are all complex beings. If you want to commit yourself to another complex being, then it is important for you to find the right person.

Some people look around and see everyone else paired up and settled, which is probably why the divorce rate is so high. Don’t think there is a magic age or stage in life where you are supposed to find someone.

When the right person comes along, you will know. If your heart is really ready and you want someone, you will just know.

#6 You try too hard. There are times when we want something so badly we become obsessed with it, and that is never good. Like wanting a pot to boil, if you want to be with someone so badly that it is coming out your pores, people feel it. And you make people uncomfortable.

If you are too eager, try to take things to the next level too quickly, or overly seeking someone, they smell desperation and neediness. Those are two qualities that don’t scream “be mine.” Stop trying so hard and try to let things happen on their own. [Read: 15 things to do when you feel like you’ll be single forever]

#7 You’re looking in the wrong places. If you hike or are a workout freak and look for someone in a bar every weekend, you look in the wrong places. Someone once told me that if you want to meet someone, then try to meet them while doing what you love. Join a hiking group or start socializing with fitness and running groups.

You are much more likely to meet your forever person if you meet them doing something that you love and are passionate about. Then you have something in common besides just physical attraction. That makes for a great relationship for the future.

#8 You compare them to someone or some standard. If you had an “awesome” relationship in the past and something happened, you could unwittingly be putting some sort of standard on other people you meet.

If you have the vision of what you want based on what you had, trust me, you aren’t ever going to find it again. You only set yourself up for disappointment. The past is the past, and you can’t relive it, nor can you find someone who is the exact same as the person you lost.

To find a future relationship, let go of the one that got away. If it were meant to be, you would be with them. [Read: 10 signs your past relationship is holding you back from a better future]

#9 You don’t know what a real relationship looks like. You think you know what a relationship looks like, but you don’t. The minute the passion fades you think it is all wrong. There is an ebb and flow to every relationship.

If you have an ideation about how relationships should be, then you might misread signs in your relationships with people and cutting them when things aren’t exactly what you envision them to be. That is a recipe for disaster.

There is no such thing as the perfect relationship nor is there any one way that things are supposed to go. It involves rolling with the punches, sacrificing sometimes, compromising others.

But, there is no such thing as perfection. If you hold preconceived notion about what a relationship is, let it go to find happiness with another person. [Read: 9 reasons why relationships are such hard work]

#10 You are self-sabotaging. If you aren’t all that in love with you then you might be self-sabotaging your relationships. What does that mean? The minute things are good and you feel settled, you unwittingly break things up because you don’t love you.

If you don’t think you are worthy of happiness or love, then you might be searching for the opposite, which leaves you single. If you think things won’t ever work, then you might be making them not work. Stop being negative and making assumptions about what you are capable or worthy of. You just might find love.

Being single is not a bad thing unless that is not what you want for yourself. With a billion people in the world, I find it hard to believe that you can’t find one other person to be with.


Every day is a new day to find the perfect, or almost perfect, person for you. Think positively, look in the right place, and be open to finding love. Before you know it, you won’t be able to ask, why am I single?



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October 2020
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