when there is a lot of chemistry, things can take off quickly and get too intense. Instead, learn how to slow down a relationship and take your time.
Every relationship moves at its own pace, but to be healthy and thriving, that pace needs to feel comfortable for both people. If you want things to last, it is often best to learn how to slow down a relationship and take your time getting to know each other.
It isn’t rare for a new relationship to blossom quickly. When strong feelings, especially physical ones, are involved things can get out of hand. It may feel good in the moment, but moving too fast can lead to a commitment you’re not ready for or a serious relationship with someone you barely know.
How NOT to slow down a relationship
Everyone moves at different paces when it comes to relationships. You may feel like things are going too fast while your partner is perfectly content the way things are.
Although there are a plethora of ways to slow down a relationship and take your time, there are some ways it certainly shouldn’t be done.[Read: How to keep from moving too fast in a new relationship]
#1 Ignore them. When you are just starting a new relationship and it feels like it is going too fast, it can be scary. That makes it easier to slam on the brakes by yourself. But, just because things are too fast doesn’t mean you can’t ease them down without full-on ghosting.
Let them know you like them but that you’re a little freaked out with the current pace of the relationship. You want to slow things down so you can feel comfortable. [Read: The right way to play the chase in love]
#2 Pull away. Maybe you’re not scared enough of going too fast that you ghost, but pulling away without saying why is nearly as bad. If you keep spending time with this person but are less talkative or intimate, it could end things right there and then.
If you’re wondering how to slow down a relationship without things getting weird, pulling away on your own terms isn’t fair nor will it be successful. Try to get on the same page.
#3 See other people. Relationships can feel like they are moving too fast because of commitment. Sometimes you still want to feel things out and date casually without losing touch completely. I get it but don’t just see other people on the side. Not only will this confuse things for you, but if they find out it could go south really quickly.
Always keep your partner in the loop about your dating life. Maybe if you just started seeing someone, and you think it is no big deal. If things are going fast and you want to slow down the relationship, your new partner may assume you’re monogamous. It is always better to hear it from you. [Read: How to date multiple people without being shady or called a cheater]
How to slow down a relationship the right way
Now that you know what not to do when you want to slow down a relationship, it is time to take some positive advice. These are the things you can and should do when you are feeling nervous or hesitant about how fast things are moving.
Now, this can go for a relationship that is moving too fast physically, emotionally, or both.
Whether you don’t want to meet your partner’s family yet, feel like you’re spending too much time together, or your emotions are freaking you out and you need to catch your breath, these should help you learn how to slow down a relationship so you can enjoy your relationship instead of fearing it.
#1 Tell them how you feel. This is the simplest way to slow down a relationship that is moving too fast for you. Talk to your partner. Let them know that you love spending time with them but that you just want to live in the moment more.
Let them know you weren’t planning on feeling so strongly for them and it is making you nervous. Ensure that they understand you aren’t ending things but just pumping the brakes a little. You want to take a Sunday drive, not a lap around the race track. And don’t forget to ask how they feel.
Are they happy how things are now? Are they okay slowing things down so you’re more comfortable? Try to get on the same page. [Read: Are you in an instant relationship? Here’s why you need to slow down]
#2 Hang out in groups. If you still want to see the person you’re dating regularly, but maybe want to slow things down with the romance or physical aspects, plan more group dates. Go on double dates or group settings like escape rooms or mini-golf.
This will keep you in each other’s lives and allow you to get to know one another but without the pressure of one-on-one time.
#3 Spend time with your other friends. New relationships can sort of take over our lives. We may not cancel plans with friends to hang out with our new significant other, but we may be busy with them. Try to get your friends together.
Go do things you would have done before this new relationship. Then it doesn’t feel like it is taking over. This new relationship should ease into your life, not be what it revolves around. This also helps to set boundaries down the line. You should always have your own friends and time to yourself no matter how serious things get. [Read: How to pull back in a relationship when you’re giving too much]
#4 Avoid making plans too far in advance. If you have been dating for three months and are making plans for a concert eight months from now, it can feel like you are moving way faster than you are. Making plans that far in advance can seem nice because it says you want to be together that long. But it can be intense early on.
#5 Don’t text so much. It can seem like the norm to text each other every waking hour. It is so unnecessary. Not only is talking that much in the beginning A LOT, but it can feel smothering.
You can text good morning and maybe a funny meme you saw at lunch. Then catch up after work or before bed. You don’t need to keep a full conversation going all day long. That is a lot of pressure and commitment when you have a job, friends, hobbies, and more to focus on. [Read: 8 little texting mistakes new couples make all the time]
#6 Don’t spend more than a few hours together at a time. I once got into a relationship super quickly, and it didn’t feel wrong at the time. The reason we rushed it was because we lived far apart. Instead of going on a date for a couple of hours, we spent the entire day together to make the drive worth it.
When you spend that much time together early on, it really pushes you together. You get used to having that person around all the time. It feels comfortable but you still really don’t know each other that well. Keep dates limited to a few hours and then you can move it up over time. [Read: Why saying ‘I love you’ too soon just completely sucks!]
#7 Enjoy your time together. Try not to focus too much on what is going to happen. If you are too worried about moving too fast or too slow, you won’t really enjoy your time together. Live in the moment.
Have a conversation about how you both feel and then get back to your date and getting to know each other. That is the most important part. [Read: Casual date ideas for a dreamy, fun date]
#8 Keep it fun. Keep things light and fun. Don’t go on heavily romantic dates. Avoid the candlelit dinners and carriage rides. Go bowling and see an exotic band or hang out with a new group. This will help you get to know each other without too much pressure to fall in love. This way you can just have a good time. Then, see what happens.
Rushing into a relationship can seem like a romantic fairytale, but it often ends in disaster. Learning how to slow down a relationship and really take your time can be exactly what you need to find the one.