Whether your partner smothers you or you smother your partner, you need to know how to fix a smothered relationship. If not, your relationship is doomed.
If you don’t do something, clinginess will destroy your relationship. Eventually, one partner becomes overwhelmed and unable to handle it. So, before it gets to that point, it’s time you learned how to fix a smothered relationship.
Because there’s always a healthy boundary to clinginess. You may be in a relationship where you’re feeling smothered by your partner or you’re realizing that you’re doing the smothering. These habits can be hard to break, so I’m here to help. [Read: Ways to stop being so clingy in your relationship]
How to fix a smothered relationship
For those who’ve fallen in love before, you all know how insane it makes you. It’s like you’re another person. Nothing in the world matters to you. You’re literally on cloud nine, just floating around thinking about your love all day long.
Now, this honeymoon phase is magical and wonderful, there’s no doubting that, but it creates some unhealthy habits. We can be left with this clingy and needy behavior which literally no one can stand watching. At the same time, we all get a little needy and clingy sometimes, it’s normal. [Read: Why loving someone too much actually kills the relationship]
But you can have too much love.
#1 Identify the feeling. Sometimes we’re so distracted with other things going on in our lives that we’re not focusing on where our feelings are coming from. You may be feeling anxious, but you’re not sure why. Firstly, see where these emotions are coming from because there is a root. If you feel angry, anxious, or reserved, look at the relationship with your partner and see if it stems from there. [Read: What to do when you’re feeling uncertain about your relationship]
#2 Talk to them. If you’re feeling smothered, don’t just ghost them. It’s really a bad idea. If anything, they’ll just smother you even more. Just sit them down and talk to them about how you’re feeling.
Of course, no one likes to talk about these things, but if want to be with them and need some space, tell them this. They need to be aware of their behavior and what it’s doing to the relationship. [Read: Are you feeling smothered? How to help your partner give you space]
#3 Look at why they’re smothering you. Or if you’re the one doing the smothering, ask yourself why. Usually, there’s a deep issue within them that’s causing them to smother you in the relationship. They could have abandonment or trust issues which usually paint the picture of why they cling to you. In addition, they can also be insecure in the relationship which makes them cling to you even more.
#4 Make boundaries. If they’re texting you or calling you crying if you don’t reply to their text after five minutes, that’s a problem. You need to set clear boundaries with them. Telling them what’s appropriate and what isn’t. You have your own personal space which needs to be respected.
Create clear boundaries which you don’t want to be crossed. That way, they know where the line is, but you also need to follow these boundaries as well. [Read: 15 rules to set healthy relationship boundaries]
#5 Ask for space. Listen, if you’re wondering how to fix a smothered relationship, know that they’re probably not going to randomly offer to give you space. They don’t want to give you space, they want to be around you all the time. But everyone needs their own time with themselves, friends, and family. So, ask them for space. Don’t hide anything from them, be clear and tell them why you need the space.
#6 Be empathetic. In other words, put yourself in their shoes. Now, this doesn’t mean you should let them manipulate you. Be understanding and see their perspective, that way, you know how to communicate with them. So, do be understanding to their feelings, that way, they won’t feel like their feelings are inadequate. [Read: The reasons why empathy is vital in a relationship]
#7 Go out without your partner. Listen, you have your own friends and family, of course, you want to spend time with them alone. They may try to guilt trip you into staying with them or bringing them along, but you cannot fall for it. Spend time out with your friends and family alone without your partner. They need to understand that you have your own life as well.
#8 Encourage them to do things without you. If your partner’s friends want to hang out, encourage your partner to do things with their friends and family without you. That way, instead of you always going out on your own, they’re not feeling completely abandoned. Your partner needs to see that they’re able to have fun with their friends and not feel like you’ve left them.
#9 Be honest. If you’re not honest, this isn’t going to work. Your partner has trust issues, most likely. That’s why they can’t let you out of their sight. To work on this, you need to be completely honest with them to show them that you’re not hiding anything. If you start hiding things, the clinginess will only get worse. [Read: 15 cell phone rules every couples need to follow to build trust]
#10 Encourage hobbies. When people are bored, they get themselves into trouble. If your partner is just sitting at home every day, twiddling their fingers while waiting for you to come home, of course, they’re going to be clingy. So, instead of this behavior, be a positive partner and encourage them to have hobbies. If they’re shy, do it with them a couple times until they’re comfortable.
#11 Reassure your love for them. Listen, if you didn’t love them, you wouldn’t have put up with their clinginess. It’s just as simple as that. But they don’t know that. Now, don’t tell them that, please, it just creates more drama. But you do need to show them that you love them.
This could be through a homecooked meal, giving them some cuddle time, or surprising them with a small gesture. Their smothering is because they’re insecure, so, show them the love. [Read: Down-to-earth ways to express your love without words]
#12 Go to therapy. If you try these tips but you’re not sure if it’s working or you want a little bit more guidance then see a relationship therapist. Talk about what’s happening in your relationship.
They’ll give you tailored advice to use with your partner. Plus, they also help you decide if this is something you want to fight for or not.
No one wants to be in a smothered relationship. No one. So, before your relationship hits the boiling point, use these tips to understand how to fix a smothered relationship.