When you are not happy in a relationship, there can be a lot of factors leading to that unhappiness. How do you figure it out and diffuse the problem?
It may be difficult to admit, but relationships are not all rainbows and sunshine. We know there are fights and good and bad days, but when you are truly not happy in a relationship, can it be fixed? Or should you move on?
If you’re not happy in a relationship, pay attention
Some people would rather be unhappy in a relationship than happy single. Being alone just seems to be the worst thing to some. But in reality, being unhappy with someone is unfair to you and whoever you’re with. If you’re not happy, you’re not sharing your best self with them.
If you are not happy in a relationship, you are not opening up, enjoying yourself, or giving. The relationship is there, but if you are not happy in it, why are you still in it?
Why are you unhappy?
If you are unhappy, it may be time to leave the relationship. Whether you are in a rut, think the relationship has run its course, or just lost feelings, moving on could be the answer. [Read: 20 sure signs your relationship is oh-so-over already]
But consider outside forces. If you love this person and want to be happy in the relationship, you have to work on changing the thing that is making you unhappy.
Are you stuck at work and feeling unfulfilled? You could be carrying that into your personal life. Are you in a rut? Maybe try new things together and communicate more. Figuring out why you are unhappy in the first place can give you your answer for the future. [Read: 15 reasons why most couples get bored with their relationship]
What to do if you are not happy in a relationship
No one should have to be in a relationship where they are unhappy. It not only leaves you feeling empty and unfulfilled by your relationship, but it also leaves you open to resenting your partner, even if it is not their fault.
#1 Talk about it. If you want to be happy, talk to your partner. Tell them you are not feeling happy. They might have some insight that you haven’t been able to face.
Perhaps they noticed when you started to withdraw and be unhappy. Hopefully, they’ll be willing to give you time to work on yourself, or work with you to make the relationship a place you can both be happy. [Read: 20 ingenious ways to keep your relationship really exciting]
#2 Figure out why. Don’t dwell by yourself. If you do, you will likely only become more unhappy and possibly blame your partner.
Instead think about all the reasons you might be unhappy. Were you happy in the beginning of the relationship? Were you happy when you were single? Are you banking your happiness on how successful your relationship is? You need to figure that out in order to move forward. [Read: How to draw your happiness from within]
#3 Change things. Once you figure it out, change what you can. If you have resentment for your partner, talk to them. See if there is something they can do to help. Or maybe you need to reflect on things yourself.
No matter the reason you’re unhappy, if you don’t try to fix it, nothing will change.
#4 Take a break. To become happy in your relationship you may have to take a step back to better analyze it. Inform your partner that you are struggling and need some space. Make sure they know you still care, and don’t want to break up, but need some time alone to sit with your feelings.
This can be a hard conversation to have, but if that is what you need to start being happy, then you should do it and hopefully your partner will understand and accept that. [Read: How taking a break in a relationship really works]
#5 Work on you. Focus on yourself. Maybe you feel you’re being taken for granted. Pamper yourself. Maybe you are defining your happiness on the state of your relationship. Be independent. You are your own person outside of your relationship. Focus on that before anything else.
A relationship should add to your life, not become it.
#6 Don’t place blame. Try not to blame your partner. That can lead to empty fights, anger, and regret. Instead take responsibility yourself. Most often your feelings are not as affected by other people as you think.
Blaming your partner for your unhappiness will only make things worse for your relationship and for you. [Read: Why playing the victim only makes your life much, much worse]
#7 Take responsibility. Think about what you may be doing to feed your own unhappiness. Are you dwelling on it? Are you doing anything to be happier? A relationship is a two way street. You are a team.
You both need to share this burden and work to make it better together.
#8 Go to therapy. Whether you go with your partner or alone, this may be the most useful and successful way to find happiness. A therapist can help you make your way through your unhappiness. They can help you figure out the cause of it and guide you into making more beneficial choices.
Admitting you need outside help is not defeat, it is taking control of your life and your happiness. This can even help you figure out if your unhappiness is due to your relationship at all.
#9 Break up. If there is no answer and you’ve tried to fix things, it may be time to move on. I have been in relationships where I couldn’t put my finger on what was off, but as soon as it ended I felt a wave of relief. And sometimes that is just what’s needed.
So make the choice best for you. But be honest with your partner. Tell them that there isn’t anything you can specify, but you haven’t been happy in a while, and it just doesn’t feel right anymore. I can’t promise they will take it well, but this may be what you need. [Read: 10 reasons why you feel relief after breaking up]
#10 Take your time to be happy alone. If you feel better after the break up, congratulations. If not, you need to take some time to be single. Don’t jump into another relationship thinking it will make you happy. Sometimes what you think you need is the exact opposite of what will make you happy.
It is near impossible to be happy in a relationship if you can’t be happy on your own. You want to share yourself with someone special. But if you aren’t happy before that, you are only sharing your unhappiness with them, and that isn’t good for anyone.
When you are not happy in a relationship, it sucks. Figure out what is right for you, and you can finally start being happy.