When everything is going well it can be easy to settle down quickly, but learning how not to rush into a relationship will benefit you in the long run.
Rushing into a relationship isn’t usually something you plan on doing, it just happens. When you don’t take the time to slow down and really get to know each other, things can move too quickly. Learning how not to rush into a relationship is key when it comes to having a lasting relationship. But, it is easier said than done.
When you rush into a relationship, it happens without you even noticing. And sometimes it can feel so right and that’s great, but may not be sustainable.
Why it is so easy to rush into a relationship
Practically speaking, it should be easy not to rush into a relationship. You know that rushing in without thinking or really knowing someone probably won’t work out and may lead to both of you being hurt.
But, that is the problem when romantic feelings are involved, logic and reason go out the window. [Read: 20 speedy signs your relationship is starting to move way too fast]
We move into relationships with our hearts or our hormones rather than our minds. Of course, passion and love have a strong place in relationships too, but throwing in a bit of logic can help.
The reason we overlook those things and end up rushing into a relationship without planning it out is that things feel good in the beginning. You haven’t fought or probably been through anything severe together so you are grasping those good feelings.
Wanting to keep those feelings going leads us to rush. We become official on social media, bring our new partner to family gatherings, and maybe even move in together or get engaged because you can only see things being as good as they are now. [Read: The honeymoon phase and how long it takes for normal love to fade to nothing]
We don’t want to anticipate bad times or be negative about our potential future so we have hope that things will stay good. We also fear the relationship ending if it isn’t growing.
But, without more experiences and serious discussions with someone, the faster you rush the harder the crash will be.
Why not to rush into a relationship
I’m sure you’ve heard of that couple that got married after three months together and has been happily married for 50 years, and that is wonderful, but how often does that really happen?
Relationships are magical and romantic but we also have to be realistic. If we assumed all high school couples would become high school sweethearts and that every first date led to a second, we would be pretty let down. [Read: All the reasons why most of us never end up with our high school romances]
Rushing into a relationship can feel like a fairy tale at first, but it can go downhill very quickly. Think about how many times you or a friend dated someone and it was great until the 3-6 month mark. ??When you haven’t had to go through things together, had disagreements, or even shared your true feelings, things can seem easy. But rushing into a relationship based on a purely good times is naive and likely disastrous.
I’ve seen couples rush into a relationship because it seemed right at first only to fall into a comfortable routine and even get engaged before realizing they didn’t want the same things.
After years of being together they still hadn’t had a real talk about their future because they rushed into things before that and never wanted to break out of what they rushed into.
No matter how long you’re together for, when you rush into a relationship, it can be risky. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples must go through in their timeline]
How not to rush into a relationship
As someone who has been known a time or two to rush into a relationship, I have first-hand knowledge about exactly what not to do.
I’ve rushed into relationships because I felt that my nerves and fears would go away of I was in an “official” and committed relationship. But, what I didn’t know is that rushing into that makes things worse. It can ruin a good thing. It can hurt more if it doesn’t work out. And it can get your hopes up irrationally.
If you’re wondering how not to rush into a relationship, here are a few things you need to know. Of course, every relationship moves at it own pace, but some things in a relationship should be taken slower. If you rush these things too soon, things can become overwhelming and cause a rift before things even get going. [Read: Instant relationships – How to slow down instead and avoid this]
#1 Meeting the family. Sure, when you live at home, it can be hard not to meet your new boo’s family right away, but even so, rushing into family time can be a lot for a freshly budding romance. Usually meeting your partner’s family is a sign that you see things moving forward.
You want your family to meet your partner because you want them to feel comfortable at family gatherings in the future. But, if you rush into this before you are sure you want this, not only are you putting a lot of pressure on your new partner, but also on the relationship.
Families are great and all but they tend to be a bit nosy and having to answer questions you don’t know how to answer can make you feel uneasy. [Read: 10 relationship milestones and when they generally happen]
#2 Staying overnight. Again, if your relationship started off with a one night stand more power to you, but staying over at your partner’s place consistently in the beginning can put unneeded strain on something so new.
It is one thing to fall asleep after sexy time or a boring movie. But staying over at their place or having them stay with you can be like a mini-move-in. This can be nice for couples that are already grounded in their relationship, but rushing this part can toss annoyances in bit too early when you’re wondering how not to rush into a relationship too early.
#3 Staying in. Everyone loves a good Netflix and chill night, but avoiding dates out in public right off that bat to be comfy on the couch can spoil what makes a new relationship so exciting.
Even if you are a lazy introvert like me, getting out just for dinner or a movie can keep your relationship exciting for longer. The sooner you start ordering in instead of going out, the sooner you stop putting in the effort and getting lazy with each other.
#4 Saying “I love you.” The big “L” word is a doozy for relationships. It is like a precursor for a proposal. It means a lot and says you are serious about this person. So saying it without it being returned can end things or at least make them super awkward. [Read: When should you say ‘I love you’ for the first time]
Now you should box in how you feel, but letting the intoxication of a new relationship mask itself as love too early on can lead you to regret saying something later on which then makes things a lot more complicated.
No matter how much you think you like or even love someone early on, make sure you can see yourself in this for a while before saying it because you can’t take that back. [Read: How to deal with saying ‘I love you’ and not hearing it back]
#5 Comfort. Now, you should always be comfortable with who you’re dating, but nerves are actually healthy early on. Getting butterflies, trying to hide a fart, or not eating garlic around them let’s you ease into it.
Breaking those boundaries too soon can diffuse the tension, the mystery, and the flirtation of an early courting.
#6 Moving in together. Although moving in together as a couple can seem practical for financial reasons, it can be detrimental for emotional and mental ones. If you’re wondering how not to rush into a relationship, you need to keep in mind that rushing from a relationship into a live-in relationship can introduce you to a lot of someone very soon and it removes most of the privacy you have.
Not to mention, the fall out of this if things don’t work out. The complication of taking names off of leases and returning each other’s things can be torture when going through a breakup.
It can seem exciting and romantic to move in together but rushing that relationship into something so intense can cause things to burn very quickly. [Read: Wanna shack up with your partner? 18 things you MUST keep in mind]
#7 Being your soulmate. Learning how not to rush into a relationship is not easy. Our first instinct is to hold onto what we like. So when a relationship starts off good, we want to stick with it. But, infatuation can fade very quickly.
You may commit to your partner and yourself that they are your soulmate but what that does is leave you with little choice. You commit yourself to this person and want to make it work no matter what, but some relationships are not meant to be. Sometimes things are manipulative, dysfunctional, or you just bring out the worst in each other.
Claiming someone as your soulmate because of early affections can lock you into something and someone you may not truly want.