Love is a complicated matter, but the reasons why men fall in love with a woman aren’t as deep as one might think. Here, we identify the key factors.
The complaints are plenty: men only care about looks, men want young women, men want this, men want that. The facts, on the other hand, seem to be scarce. The truth always comes out, but only when you’re open to it.
In the case of what makes men fall in love, to the shock of many, it goes much further than skin-deep. A beautiful woman with a poor personality is only going to get so far with a man. An average woman with a golden personality will have suitors lining up. A gorgeous woman with a magical personality? A relic, and undoubtedly taken.
Contrary to popular belief, a man may be intrigued by a woman’s looks, but that won’t solidify a relationship. That won’t make for love—just lust. When a man has truly met his match, he will be blind to other women, only wanting his partner, because she will be everything he’s ever searched for.
The search is only partially about looks. Nature and evolution have designed us all with book covers, and people interested in those book covers. Biologically, it’s all about instinct: who’d be the best partner, who has the best chances of success, etc. Without all of his needs being met, a man will never be fully happy.
What makes a man fall in love
Here are the basic necessities for a man to fall in love, but first a reminder: these are traits that allow for healthy, happy relationships. It is not a matter of changing who you are to get a man; it’s a matter of self-improvement to be a great person—a better person—for yourself first, and for your partner second.
#1 Beauty is skin-deep, but it’s also the first impression you give off to the world. This means that taking care of yourself, being healthy, and taking pride in yourself are important. Vanity is a turn-off, but being able to love yourself is a whole other matter.
When a man sees a beautiful woman, he’s naturally programmed to notice, but it’s not just a simple matter of lust; it’s about what her looks represent: a woman who loves herself and takes pride in who she is as a person. [Read: The secret to attracting men in a way they can’t resist]
#2 Youth is more than just your age, and how you look. Age is but a number, ladies. Dressing like your daughter is not going to help. To be young means being able to be silly, cute, and entertaining. It means being able to enjoy life, and laugh. Live and let live. Being young on the inside is a joy not only for you, but for the man that gets to see you happy day in and day out.
#3 Similar interests are a given, of course. If a man finds a woman with similar interests, he finds himself being able to teach her more about the subjects, and learn a bit from her, as well. Common ground makes for entertaining conversation, and makes it so you can both share interests and make lasting memories.
#4 Perhaps the most important thing is emotional attraction. The number one thing men want in a woman, but will never outright admit *unless they’re mature, good men*, is the ability to be accepting. A woman who picks a fight over absolutely everything is not someone they want to settle down with.
Not being quick to anger, practicing mature problem-solving skills, and being spontaneous are all things that allow a person to be open with their partner, making it easy to handle things like adults. The only way to emotionally connect with a man is to let him be as he is, and to be as you are. Be accepting of each other, and solve things together. [Read: What men like in women more than anything else]
#5 Ask his opinion, and include him in your thought process. Letting a man into your life means letting him into your life. It sounds like a given, but it’s not. Opening the door, accepting him as a partner—that’s all easy. To actually let him in, you have to do things like ask his opinion, share your ideas, and share your past. Ask him what he thinks about this brand of wine, or that job description. Ask what he considers the best plan of action for moving, or what he’d do in a specific situation.
In your mind, depending on how independent you are, it could seem like you’re too dependent, but that’s not at all what this means. This is simply asking his opinion, and letting him ask yours. He should respect your final decisions, just as you should respect his. [Read: 12 things happy couples talk about and feel closer]
#6 Challenging each other is entertaining, and very, very hot. This doesn’t mean you’ll pick a fight over everything, or even anything at all, it simply means you thrive on differences. You celebrate them, and use them as an excuse for some deep conversations. It’s thrilling, exciting, and insightful.
Indulging each other’s differences can be so hot, you’ll stop talking and get busy instead. A woman that can challenge a man is exciting, because she has an intellect and identity of her own, regardless of anyone else—including him.
#7 Mutual inspiration is the best thing in the world. When a man finds a woman that he inspires, he feels accomplished. But when he gets inspired by her, that’s a change of pace. That doesn’t happen everyday. If there’s mutual inspiration, then you’re both constantly pushing each other forward, bringing the best out in each other, and embracing change and evolving together. It means you’re growing together, rather than apart. It means you bring out the best versions of each other.
#8 Give him chances to take charge and protect you. Men are natural protectors, being the “muscular, evolved protectors of all that’s weaker” by nature. Giving him a chance to be what he naturally is means you’re giving him what he responds to, on a biological level. Giving him these chances doesn’t mean that you’re going to lose your sense of self; it simply means letting him take the reins when you know he excels at something. And letting him treat you like the princess you are. [Read: Damsels in distress: Why men find them irresistible]
#9 Give him a job/task to accomplish, like fixing something, building something, or helping you solve a problem. Believe it or not, men believe in helping women out. It’s biologically ingrained. Giving him a task will appeal to what’s naturally programmed in him to do.
#10 Praise and entertainment go hand in hand. Imagine the scenario of hanging out with your man, having fun with a hobby you mutually enjoy, and then ruining it by overlooking every attempt he makes at impressing you. Or imagine praising him for things, but sitting there, bored, so the praise seems out of place. It doesn’t work. Praising your man is important, to make him feel appreciated, but it should always be genuine. This way, when you praise him, he’ll trust what you say. [Read: 15 sweet ways to make a man feel needed and wanted]
#11 If he believes in the relationship, you should believe, too. This is the classic issue of only one of you believing in the relationship. When only one of you believes it can work, the other one is only halfway in. It’s never going to work. When a man finds a woman who believes in the relationship as much as he does, you’ll both do anything to make it work.
#12 Be versatile, with many sides to explore. Everyone has more than one side to them. Serious, friendly, cautious, funny, intellectual, artistic, childish, etc. Letting him see these sides means he gets to be surprised by something new every day, and sees you as the magical being you are—always stunning, always intriguing.
#13 Being helpless and being feminine are two different things. Being helpless means crying, relying on your man for everything, and never bringing something to the table. It’s a burden, and a turn-off. Being feminine, on the other hand, is being independent, but coexisting, and celebrating your womanhood in ways that come naturally to you, but still standing your own ground when needed. That shows him you’re not weak, but you’re not afraid to be vulnerable and let him in. [Read: How to be more feminine and desirable in a guy’s eyes]
#14 Having self-confidence, but not being a bitch. If you’re mean, stomp on everyone, and always feel like you need to win, you’re a bitch, and no man is going to hang around. Sorry, it’s that simple: you drive away those you love with dumb actions and reactions.
On the other hand, being confident means knowing when you’re absolutely correct, listening to others, and coexisting. It means being confident enough to not require others’ approval, but having enough compassion to listen to others. This makes a man happy to know you, happy to have you around, and excited to introduce you to his family.
#15 Be a woman who goes with the flow, without rushing or asking for more. Too often, women make the mistake of asking men what they are *relationship status*. If they’ve been dating for a while, they may or may not push for marriage, by dropping obvious hints *bridal magazines, anyone?*. It’s a major turn-off, because on one hand, you’re rushing him, and on the other hand, you’re trying to control what should be an organic process. A relationship should unfold how it unfolds—naturally. Forcing something, or smothering something, means you’re killing what could be beautiful.
Men aren’t as complicated as women might think. They might be programmed to spot what they like, but so are women. It’s biologically ingrained, for the survival of the species. To all men, there should come one woman that stands out above the rest, who is perfect for him. When this occurs, she will be the most gorgeous creature on the planet. No one will compare—ever.
Men want to fall in love with a woman they can share thoughts with, make memories with, and enjoy life with—someone fun, lively, and smart. Men want someone confident, but kind at heart—someone who can stand her ground, but not be ruthless. These are the qualities that every woman should aspire to—not only for men, but for themselves, to be healthy and happy.