Breaking up is life-sucking enough when you aren’t in love. Breaking up with someone you love feels like your heart will break forever.
It is difficult enough to break up with someone because you had enough of them. But, worse, is breaking up with someone you love. Loving someone can be the most enlightening and spectacular feeling when things go well. When they aren’t going so well, it exhausts you, sucks the life out of you, and leaves you wondering what this journey here on earth is all about.
The problems with love
Love is problematic on many various levels. First, there really is no concrete explanation about why or how we fall in love. A mystery to even those who spent decades studying it, a mix of chemistry and other ingredients, love isn’t something you control, it just happens.
That is the second problem! You can’t just stop loving someone because your head tells you to. It isn’t that you can’t cut them out of your life physically. Feelings of love aren’t something you just turn off or on.
If you are in a toxic relationship, been cheated on, or it just isn’t working, breaking up with someone you love can be the hardest thing you ever do. Take heart. You won’t feel the way you do forever. You simply can’t. I won’t promise that you won’t always love them in one way or another. But, in time, you will be able to think of them and not have a pang in your heart that feels like your heart is going to explode. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad?]
20 reasons you might have to consider breaking up with someone you love
There are times when you have to break up with someone you love to save yourself. If you are in a relationship where you love someone, but it is hurting you, then you save yourself. In the end, the only person you can save on this earth is you. As much as your heart wants what it wants, there are times when your head must win.
#1 You love but aren’t in love with someone. OMG, I know. I hate, hate, this phrase too. But, we all know what it means. There are times when you start out in a relationship, and the magic is there. Then the chemistry not only fades, it turns to black.
There has to be some physical attraction in your relationship, or you miss out on something that adds color to your life. Don’t stay with someone because you love them if you aren’t in love with them. It is better to hurt them now then later, or hurt yourself by denying the attraction to yourself for eternity. [Read: Love vs. in love: 5 big differences most people don’t know]
#2 The relationship is toxic. There are all sorts of ways a relationship can be toxic to someone. If you are in a relationship where you are a worse person then you were before you knew them or suddenly don’t recognize yourself, then it is time to get out, even if you love them. Go and find yourself again. [Read: Toxic people: 25 early warning signs to watch out for]
#3 Once a cheat always a cheat. I am sorry to say this, but it is true. If they cheated on you once, they would do it again. If they didn’t respect you enough to be true, what makes you think when things get a little dull, they won’t be stepping out again… they will.
#4 You love them way more than they love you. There are times when you are way more invested in a relationship than the person you are with. Don’t ever stay in a relationship where you are under appreciated, or not given the type of unconditional and caring love you deserve. Even if leaving is one of the most difficult things you do.
#5 They are a narcissist. A narcissist love one person, themselves. Truly that is the definition. If you are in love with a narcissist and think you can change them, you can’t. It is a personality trait.
Some people live with and love a narcissist, but if it causes you pain, then it is time to consider breaking up with someone you love. [Read: How to deal with a narcissist: 13 ways you can manipulate them]
#6 You simply can’t seem to get along. If you are in a roller coaster relationship where you just seem to keep going round and round, it might be time to get off the un-fun ride. A relationship shouldn’t have more valleys than peaks.
If it sucks you dry and wastes your energy and time, it is time to unstrap yourself and move on.
#7 They are your twin flame, not your soul mate. What might have seemed like your soul mate may actually be your twin flame. You love your twin flame just like you do your soul mate, but they aren’t the one you are supposed to be with for life.
They are there to prepare you for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Even if you love them, they aren’t the one that you are supposed to be with, and you feel it. [Read: What are twin souls? 16 signs you’re in a relationship with one]
#8 They cause problems in your life. If they steal, lie, talk badly about you behind your back, belittle you, or are just not that good to you, you deserve better. They cause more problems in your life than their love is worth.
Sometimes you love people who do nothing but cause heartache. And, as hard as it is to break it off with them, letting them cause problems forever will be a long, hard road.
#9 You simply aren’t compatible and never will be. Opposites attract, but they don’t always make for good relationships. If you aren’t compatible, you are going to find very little to do together forever, even if you love them.
#10 You are in love, but it isn’t a deep and spiritual love. There are times when the chemistry is so, so there, but the intense feelings of love, commitment, and unconditional care aren’t. The sex is awesome, but waking up one day to find that you are lonely in the relationship isn’t. [Read: 15 revealing truths about feeling alone in a relationship]
#11 You are someone you don’t recognize. If someone brings out the worst in you, then you might have to consider breaking up with someone you love. If they do things that make you not yourself or behave in ways that aren’t characteristic of you, then it is time to try to find someone who makes you the best you.
#12 You want different things in life. If they want the mountains and you want the sea, that isn’t going to change, and one of you sacrifices. You wouldn’t want to wake up one day and feel resentment in your relationship. Sometimes letting someone you love go is the best way to show your love.
#13 They don’t know what they want, and you can’t live that way. If they love you one day and aren’t sure the next, then as much as you love them, it is time to move on. The only way they will realize how they feel about you is if they know what it is like to be without you.
Breaking up doesn’t always have to be forever, but it might just be enough to wake them up to the fact that they can’t be without you. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by the one you love]
#14 It is a co-dependent relationship. Don’t mistake codependence for love. They might feel the same, but all you’re doing is keeping each other stuck and drowning each other. Codependence isn’t love; it is dependence. [Read: 10 scary signs of codependency in your relationship]
#15 They physically hurt you. If someone hurts you physically, breaking up with someone you love, is not only necessary, it is imperative for your safety.
#16 You are ruining your family or children. Hugely tumultuous relationships aren’t cool. They are especially not cool if you have children who look to you as role models.
If you can’t seem to get along and it messes up your family or your kids, then it is time to consider breaking up with someone you love because it just isn’t fair or good for anyone involved.
#17 Set them free theory. Sometimes when we see someone doing something wrong or not being their best self, they need to hit rock bottom. If you hold onto someone you love because you are afraid to lose them, then you are doing it for the wrong reason.
Cut them loose and make them figure out their own shit before they drag you down. If you love someone, set them free, if they come back, you will know it is real. [Read: If you love someone, set them free – How to do this right]
#18 You need some time to figure things out for yourself. Breaking up isn’t always a permanent thing, but if you aren’t sure how you feel about someone, even if you love them, it is critical that you be honest.
If you love someone but aren’t sure that they are the “forever one” for you, don’t lead them on while you make your decision. You aren’t saving them from the hurt, you only prolong it.
#19 Right person, wrong time. There are times when you can love the right person at the wrong time in your life. If you are set to get married, and they aren’t even considering next week, then it might be time to break up just to gain some perspective.
Again, breaking up with someone you love doesn’t always have to be the end. Sometimes it can even be the beginning of something more lasting and real. [Read: Right person, wrong time? The key to timing it all right]
#20 You have to move. If you or the person you love are young and one of you is moving away, long distance relationships sound like they are no big deal, but they are. If you aren’t ever willing to compromise on a place to live, it leads to you wasting your time, years of your life, and potentially missing out on meeting the right person for you.
If you are considering breaking up with someone you love but are afraid to lose them forever, remember, fate is in control whether we like it or not. If it is meant to be, it will be. If not, something greater is waiting out there for you.