Are you afraid of commitment?
Do you get cold feet each time you find yourself getting addicted or dependent on someone?
Or worse, do you find that you enjoy dating but hate thinking about the future of a relationship, especially when it comes to marriage?
The fear of commitment can ruin even the best of relationships.
But yet, for most of us, it’s unavoidable, and at times, even inevitable.
And we begin to wonder if we’re actually ready to commit to something more serious.
What is the fear of commitment?
The fear of commitment has always been a guy thing, but in no way is it an exclusive guy thing.
Women are just as prone to being afraid to commit as men.
But coming to think of it, why are most of us so afraid to get involved in a serious relationship or take the next step towards marriage?
To define it, the fear of commitment is the fear of entering into a long term relationship or the fear of getting married.
But more often than not, most people aren’t really afraid of long term relationships. It’s marriage that petrifies them!
There’s something about holy matrimony and “till death do us part” that shoves cold feet under our torso, and makes us question the longevity of the relationship.
The survival of your relationship and your commitment
If you’re in a long term relationship that’s lasted at least a few years, it’s obvious that the idea of the next stage of marriage will eventually enter your head.
But how do you feel about that? Does it excite you? Or does it scare or annoy you?
If you feel any emotion other than some form of happiness when you think of marrying your lover, you’re probably suffering from the fear of commitment. It’s not a totally bad thing, but it’s definitely not good either.
You need to know this, everything in life is about stages and evolution. To survive, you need to evolve. If you stop evolving, you’ll stagnate. And it’s the same thing with relationships too.
And just like that, a relationship too has to evolve into marriage or some kind of commitment. If it starts to stagnate, it’s definitely a red alert for your love life.
Why are you afraid of commitment?
The reason behind your fear of commitment can be summed in one sentence. You don’t want change!
You may be afraid of change, you may be unsure of what could happen in the future, or it could be just about any other reason associated with change. But it all comes down to this. You don’t want a new unpredictable change in your life because you’re afraid you may not like the change.
But instead of confronting the real fear *change*, you look for a million reasons to justify why you should stay away from commitment. And without realizing it, you’d start picking flaws and faults in your partner just to stay away from commitment. But once you start picking flaws, you can never truly respect your partner or love them the way you once did. And that, my friend, is the beginning of the end of your relationship.
Admit it, for whatever reason it may be, you’re afraid of commitment because you’re uncertain about what may happen in future. And that thought scares you!
If you need to overcome your fear of commitment, you need to learn to confront your fear. Why are you really afraid of commitment?
10 signs you’re afraid of commitment and are looking for excuses
Here are 10 common signs that you’re afraid of commitment, and are looking for excuses or reasons to chicken out of marriage or a long term relationship. Do you find yourself using any of these 10 reasons *excuses*?
#1 One life. Just one person. Does the thought of being with just one person for the rest of your whole life scare you? But you’re not cheating on your lover with someone else right now, are you? If you’re happy in the arms of your lover today, why does the idea of living with them for a lifetime scare you?
#2 The fear of the end of the relationship. No one can promise you that you will surely have a happy ending. Nothing in life is ever guaranteed. But here’s something you need to keep in mind, your happiness and passionate happy endings are almost always in your own hands.
#3 The lack of s*xual variety. The first time you have s*x, it’s awesome! But as the years pass by, the s*x can start to get pretty monotonous and predictable. But that would happen only if you allow your s*x life to stagnate. Get naughty and wild, and your s*x life will always stay on a high.
#4 There’s so much you want to achieve. You may think commitment or marriage would hold you back from achieving your goals or your dreams. But is there a real reason behind your paranoia? Commitment may affect your goals at times, but more often than not, it’s just your excuse. If you ever walk into a crossroad, you have to make a choice and stick to it.
#5 You’re perfect just the way you are. This is a great excuse. You’re in a happy relationship and everything’s just dandy. So why would you want to get married just to conform to the rules of society? You definitely have a good point.
But instead of looking at marriage as unnecessary rules set by the society, try to see it as a moral commitment you’re making to your lover. Nothing really changes with a verbal commitment, but yet, your sign of commitment shows your lover that you truly love and respect them.
#6 You have a plan. Do you have a five year plan or a ten year plan? Sometimes, all of us have long term plans to achieve our goals in life. But a commitment can’t kill you, can it? If you really need to devote all your time and attention to something else, or if you need to travel because that’s part of your big plan, learn to communicate.
Talk to your lover and explain your plans to them so you can douse their insecurities about the relationship. If you don’t do that, you may just end up losing your lover someday real soon!
#7 Ultimatums. Have you been given an ultimatum by your lover to make a commitment? At times, giving an ultimatum is the worst thing to do in a relationship, because ego and anger always creeps into the scenario. But if you’ve been given a deadline to make a commitment, don’t get angered by the ultimatum.
Ask yourself what you really want, swallow your ego and your pride, and take a decision. After all, most ultimatums are given out of desperation and pain, rather than with the intention of pissing you off.
#8 Bad memories. A bad case of cheating exes and heartbreaks can leave you paranoid about long term relationships and promises of commitment. The past can hurt you and haunt you, but that’s no excuse to stagnate in your new relationship or feel insecure about it.
Take baby steps, one step at a time, until you feel confident and secure about your new lover. You may think you have every reason to stall commitment, but you have to remember that you’re hurting your lover and leaving them confused with your actions.
#9 The lack of space. Space is the silent killer of passion. At first, lovers cling to each other and want to be with each other every second of every day. But as time goes by, both lovers start to drift just a little bit. But yet, no lover ever talks about it because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings!
#10 Is she/he the one? Are you still uncertain about whether this person is the one for you? This is the worst place to be, and your fear of commitment is completely justified. But you’re also being a selfish person.
Moving in together – The coward’s alternative to a commitment?
These days, lovers move in together all the time. But statistically speaking, couples that move in together before getting married end up separating very soon. Does that mean living together before marriage is bad news for love? Definitely not!
The biggest reasons why live-in relationships fail is because couples don’t really take the relationship seriously. They make no commitments and just move in together because it seems like an easier alternative.
Life isn’t all good and all bad
You’re afraid of commitment, and that’s alright. Perhaps, you’ve had your share of broken relationships or cheating lovers. But that doesn’t mean a new relationship can’t have a happy ending.
Life isn’t all black and white. There’s always the grey area where anything goes, and what works for one will never work for another. Take a leap of faith and take a chance. It’s true that our mind always remembers the bad experiences and puts a stronger emphasis on it all the time.
Communicate. Overcome your fear.
If you truly care about your lover, don’t be selfish. If you truly are afraid of commitment, speak out and let your partner know what’s on your mind. If something scares you about making a long term commitment, talk to your partner about it.
Remember, you can’t pause life. You can evolve or you can perish. If you believe there’s a happy relationship stage in between dating and commitment that can last forever, well, you’re wrong. And you’d end up losing the one you love too.