They say that love is beautiful and perfect.
But when you’re in love with a girl who just doesn’t seem to be interested in you, love can feel like the worst experience ever.
It’s so frustrating, isn’t it?
I mean, you’re such a great guy and yet she’s interested in other guys who don’t seem even half as good as you!
Ever been there?
Well, I have.
I’ve been there plenty of times and I’ve learnt a few important lessons on that path too.
How to get over a girl who doesn’t like you
During my college years, I’ve been in love with quite a few girls.
And every now and then, a girl that I liked would speak nicely to me, get friendly with me and then crush my heart when I ask her to go out with me.
I mean, these girls did say I was a nice guy.
But almost always, when I did work up the courage to ask a girl out on a date, they would appear shocked or embarrassed and tell me that they never looked at me *that way*. Gosh, I hated that feeling.
And once the proposal ends, the awkwardness begins. Things were never the same again with the girls I asked out. A few girls I liked stayed as distant friends, while other girls started avoiding me.
The girls I liked moved on, and I was the one stuck with a heartbreak that I had to deal with. It was so traumatic at times, because I never really got to know what was wrong with me or what was better with the other guys.
Where I went wrong in my pursuit of a girlfriend
As guys, all of us have epic egos. We think we’re all perfect definitions of the male species. But more often than not, many of us are flawed. So you think you’re a great guy. But does the world feel the same about you?
Would you consider yourself as one of the *coolest guys on the block*, be it in college or in office? Does everyone else look up at you and your friends as the most popular guys around? When I was in college, I always thought my friends and I were all that, but now when I look back at my college photos, I can see that I was a nice guy, but I was not as popular or good looking as I assumed I was.
Sometimes we just have no choice
In a completely different scenario, sometimes you just have no say if a girl doesn’t like you. There was this girl I liked a lot and she liked me too. We were friends, and borderline s*x buddies. We used to have phone s*x now and then, and even make out after a movie or a friendly date, but we weren’t having s*x yet.
She would talk to him all the time and even make out with him. She’s single and she had every right to do whatever she pleased. But that made me jealous, and I wanted her to be all mine. I started telling her that I loved her and wanted to be with her in a more-than-just-friends way. But the more I started pursuing her, the further away she drifted from me. And one fine day, she told me that she wanted to end our relationship because she had started dating this other guy.
6 lessons to remember in getting over a girl
In my failed passion and experiences with getting dumped by girls I hadn’t even dated, here are a few things I’ve learnt.
#1 A nice guy isn’t always a desirable guy. If she tells you you’re a nice guy, or that she loves spending time with you, it still doesn’t mean she wants to date you or sleep with you.
#2 If a girl flirts with you, it definitely doesn’t mean she loves you. She may be attracted to you, but perhaps she has other reasons to avoid dating you.
#3 We can all change our minds. One of the girls I liked was a good friend of mine. She would even say that she loved me. I was intensely attracted to her, but we weren’t dating yet. To the rest of the world, we were friends. But during our conversations late into the light, we spoke like lovers.
And just like that, one fine day, she just started avoiding me. And I had no idea why. She wouldn’t reason it out with me though. She just told me that our relationship was all wrong. We’re not friends anymore but I was so madly in love with her. And to this day, I have no idea why she started ignoring me.
#4 Life can be unpredictable and unfair. Deal with it. Sometimes, circumstances are beyond your control. The girl you like may be madly in love with another guy, or she may already be dating someone else seriously, or there may be some other reason. What matters here is that life is unpredictable and sometimes, you just need to accept it.
#5 Preferences and choices. We all have our own choices in the kind of partner we like. The girl you like has a choice to turn you down. If a girl you find unattractive asks you out, you may be flattered, but you’d still turn her down, wouldn’t you? Why is it wrong if the girl you like does the same to you?
#6 Learn to let go of your anger. You’re upset and angry. But that just won’t help you. Let go of the rage and move on. You win some and you lose some. Enjoy the game of life with no regrets or frustrations.
6 things to learn from a bad proposal
If you’ve asked a girl out and she turned you down, learn from the experience and see if there are any flaws about yourself that you can pick from it. Perhaps, you were being hasty or pushy, or you still have a few personality flaws that need to be fixed. Here are 6 things you need to learn before trying to get over her.
#1 Don’t be hasty. Don’t rush in too fast in the heat of the moment. If you’re too easy to get or reveal just how much you love a girl too soon, she may take you lightly and walk all over you.
#2 What are your flaws? Every single guy in the world, even the biggest of flirters and smooth talkers, has a few flaws. When you look back at how you asked a girl out, remember the way she behaved initially and how she changed when you asked her out. Could you have changed something about the way you went about the dating game?
#3 Build the tension. Never pop the question out of the blue. You like her, and she seems interested in you. Instead of looking for ways to let her know about the love you have for her, look for ways to make the conversations and the relationship more exciting. Make her go weak in her knees without letting her know how crazy you are about her.
#4 Always know the answer before you ask the question. This is very important. Don’t tell a girl that you like her before you know her intentions about you. If you’ve already been on a few dates with her, there’s a good chance she likes you. But wait until you’re certain about her feelings before you reveal yours.
#5 Understand what turns her off. There are many things that turn a girl off. And many guys don’t know the things that matter to a girl. Find out the things that turn her off and avoid them. You need to be a great guy to get a great girl to fall for you.
#6 Become the guy all girls desire. There are a few traits about guys that all girls find irresistible. Become that perfect guy and all girls will like you as a friend and desire you as a lover. Be that guy and you’ll see how easy it is to get any girl you like.
How to get over a girl and move on
Now that you’ve learnt from your past errors, here are 8 steps you need to take to become a better guy and get over the girl you like at the same time.
#1 It takes time. You have to deal with it. There’s no easy way to get over a girl you like. All you can do is keep yourself distracted until the wound heals.
#2 Shut her from your mind. Don’t think of her. If her thoughts come to your mind, think of something else. It feels good to remember her face or look at her new facebook photos and updates, but you’re only making the whole experience hurt more. You’ve lost her and she’s not coming back. So why are you hurting yourself for no reason?
#3 Don’t become a new guy. Don’t change your personality around her after she tells you that she doesn’t like you. Don’t behave stiffly or act moody when she’s around. Your plea for attention will fall on deaf ears and she may even avoid you further because you’re acting weird. And you’ll be the only one that’s hurting even more. She doesn’t like you, so even if you try to get her attention by avoiding her, she wouldn’t care!
#4 Don’t behave like a hopeless passionate . If you try to get drunk or talk endlessly about her, you’re not doing yourself a favor. Learn from the experience and try to avoid the same errors the next time you like a girl.
#5 Give up. Share your feelings with her just one more time if you really want to, but in a casual manner. If that doesn’t work, give up and never hope for her to say yes again. Keeping your hopes alive will stunt you from becoming a better guy or liking another girl.
#6 Don’t look at her as a prize. “If I get richer, she’ll date me,” “If I start behaving better, she’ll date me.” These lines will only make you more miserable. You’re only making yourself more vulnerable to heartbreak because quite frankly, she doesn’t care about you or who you are anymore.
#7 Don’t plot revenge. She has a right to say no to you, just like you have the right to say no to a girl you find unattractive. Accept her choice and move on. Plotting revenge will stagnate your life and leave you obsessing about her even more.
#8 Find other girls to pursue. This is the best way to get over a girl you like. You’ve had your chance and you blew it. So screw it and move on. Learn from your errors and find someone else to get attracted to. If you make the right moves this time around, you’ll definitely get the girl you like and get over the girl who broke your heart at the same time!