Have you ever wondered how absence affects a relationship?
It’s believed that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
But how true is that really?
To a large extent, it’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but there’s a thin line beyond which absence and distance can be disastrous for a relationship.
Why is absence good in love?
At the beginning of a new relationship, all both of you want to do is spend every waking minute with each other.
Both of you would want to know everything about each other and end up spending all the time texting or calling each other up even when both of you are away for a few hours.
But as the relationship starts to move away from the infatuation stage and into the deeper stage of love, you’d start to realize just how much of your own life as an individual you’ve missed out on.
When you start to feel this instinctively, you end up withdrawing from the relationship to spend a bit of me-time.
And once you replenish your alone time, you’d feel like spending more time with your lover because you’d start to miss them already.
How giving space creates a better relationship
You may want to spend a lot of time together with your lover, and there’s nothing bad in that. But as soon as your lover feels claustrophobic in love, which will eventually happen at some point of time, they may end up pushing you away for a while.
This could lead to emotional confusions, which can make one partner more clingy and needy while the other partner starts to get distant. And the more each partner tries to get what they want, space or intimacy, the more it frustrates the other partner.
By giving space to each other to pursue individual interests, neither of you would feel stagnated because of the relationship. In fact, giving space and creating the absence can actually make your partner miss you more which will keep the love alive for longer.
The problems of too much absence
Is too much space in a relationship a bad thing? It most definitely is. A little absence makes the heart grow fonder. But too much absence though gives too much room to wander.
Think of it this way. If a new movie that you’ve always wanted to watch released today, wouldn’t you be excited to watch it? Let’s assume you couldn’t make it today because you didn’t get the tickets. The same thing happens tomorrow and the next, and the whole of next week.
As excited as you maybe, if you’re unable to get the tickets every single day for a week, don’t you think you’d eventually get frustrated and give up on ever watching the movie because it’s just not worth the effort?
At times, you may even start to dislike the movie before you even watch it, or wonder why you give it so much attention. What happens in love and absence works along the same lines. It’s just a lot more serious and life altering though.
What keeps two lovers together in a relationship?
There are two primary needs in a relationship, emotional intimacy and s*xual intimacy. If there’s an imbalance in these needs or even if one of these needs aren’t met, a relationship will start to fail on a fragile scale. All it needs is a little distraction to topple over.
#1 Emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy in a relationship is the kind of bond that two lovers share, emotionally. Do you communicate with your partner and talk about your feelings, dreams and aspirations regularly?
#2 S*xual intimacy. Even if both of you are away from each other most of the time, try to meet each other as often as possible. Even spending one good day with each other in a week can keep the passion alive until the next week.
Too much absence and how cheating enters the picture
Even the best of lovers are susceptible to cheating if they’re away from each other for too long. If you want to better the relationship, spend a few hours away from each other now and then. But don’t ignore each other so much that both of you feel like two strangers living under one roof.
If both of you are separated by distance because of work commitments, spend more time communicating with each other. At times, even a strong emotional connection can hold the relationship together and keep it strong.
Your partner may date another person in your absence
Love happens spontaneously. You experienced it with someone, and in all probability, you may experience it again if you’re not emotionally connected to your lover.
And just like you, your partner too may get attracted to someone else. This is one of the big insecurities you need to deal with when you’re away from your lover for long periods of time. Your partner may meet someone interesting at work, and one coffee may lead to conversations over the phone, and then some more.
Why does absence make us wander?
Love is all about evolution. As much as humans say they believe in monogamy forever, it’s not always true. Yes, you can stop yourself from cheating, but can you stop the thought? If you can think it, it’s still cheating, isn’t it? Your mind wants to do it, but society around you tells you that you shouldn’t do it. And that’s why you aren’t doing it.
Space is good. Long absences are terrible.
So does absence make the heart grow fonder? It sure does. But if the emotional and s*xual needs aren’t satiated, the fondness may soon turn to loneliness, which may lead to affairs or failed relationships.
To have a successful relationship, you must learn to give space and help each other grow as individuals. But at the same time, always remember to keep the emotional and s*xual intimacy alive, and avoid long absences that could end a perfect relationship from the inside.