When you start to like someone, you don’t actually fall in love with them instantly.
The feeling you experience is infatuation.
And infatuation, as much as it feels like an inescapable wall that blocks your view from everything else, will eventually fade.
Most of us who have a crush on someone end up falling more in love with each passing day, not because we’re so helplessly drawn towards than person, but because we voluntarily choose to let that person sink their hooks deeper into our heart.
Falling in love and its confusions
Sometimes, it’s easy to be confused. A friend or a coworker could be charming and sweet, and before you know it, you may be having an emotional affair with them, or worse, falling head over heels in love with them even though every molecule in your body could be screaming out that you’re going down the wrong path.
And then you try to stop yourself, but each time you try, it only hurts you more.
And finally, you choose to give up fighting, and wallow in self pity and misery because you’re in love with someone who’s just so wrong for you, or someone who may never ever love you back the way you love them.
But the truth is, you’re still the one who’s in control of your own life and your own heart. You can choose to walk away from love instead of falling deep in it if you truly choose to. [Read: How to get your crush to notice you and like you back in no time!]
Step #1 Is it such a bad idea?
So you’ve made up your mind that falling in love with a particular person, be it a friend or a colleague, is a bad idea.
But what’s your real motive behind walking away. If you want to get over someone and have their hooks loosened from your heart, you need to be very clear about why you choose to let go.
Weigh the pros and the cons. Do you think a long term relationship is impossible? Is there something about this person that just isn’t acceptable by you? Are they seeing someone else, or perhaps, already married with kids?
If you want to avoid falling in love with someone, or want to stop loving someone, you need to be very clear about the reasons behind why you’re doing it. [Read: Am I really in love? – 21 clear signs to decode that fuzzy feeling]
Step #2 Acceptance
You can stop loving someone or avoid falling in love with someone only when you truly accept your reasoning behind why you can’t ever see a future with this particular person. You have to remember that there are no two ways here, and there should be no space for doubt.
If you want to stop falling in love with someone, you can’t ever do it unless you make up your mind that it is what you want.
You can choose to control your emotions to a certain extent, at least until your mind realizes just what a bad idea falling in love with this person could turn out to be. But you can’t do any of that unless you accept and believe the idea that you don’t want to stay in love with this person. [Read: How men really fall in love – The 7 stages of love for men]
Step #3 Stop digging your own ditch
You’ve decided to move on, haven’t you? So why do you spend half your day dreaming about this person or wondering what they may be doing right this moment? Remember, the more you think of someone, the more they start to feel like a bigger and inescapable part of your life. [Read: 20 real reasons why someone may never ever like you back!]
Each time this person flits through your thoughts, push them away. Shake your head, distract yourself and think about something else or someone else. It may seem hard for a few days or a week or so. But very soon, you’d find it really easy to just block this person out of your head! [Read: 10 steps to get over a crush and have fun doing it]
13 tips to stop yourself from falling in love with someone
If you’re having a hard time stopping yourself from falling more madly in love with this person, here are 13 tips you can use to prevent yourself from falling further in love with them. And within a couple of weeks of following these tips, you’d be strong enough to pull your thoughts together and walk away from them for good.
#1 Distract yourself. Don’t let this person control your mind. As difficult as it may seem to stop thinking of this person, it’s definitely doable. Keep yourself distracted with new activities that need your attention. And each time you feel lonely or idle, think about something else that makes you happy.
#2 Don’t be a stalker. As satisfying as it feels to stay updated on this person’s private life, avoid opening their facebook page every one hour to see if they’ve been up to something. The more you obsess over this person, the bigger the part they’ll play in your life. Try to limit the number of times you stalk them on social media every day, so that eventually you can start to completely ignore them. [Read: The truth behind limerence – Is it a crush or is it limerence?]
#3 Don’t be a people pleaser. It’s alright to turn down a request or be rude to this person now and then. If you know this person particularly well and they ask you to spend time together frequently, learn to turn them down once in a while. Remember, you’re trying to heal here, and the more time you spend with them, the bigger and deeper your wound would get. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t even know it!]
#4 Don’t get too friendly. Avoid long conversations with this person. And most importantly, completely avoid late night texts or phone calls where both of you share intimate details of each other’s lives. You have to remember that in this case, you aren’t getting friendlier with this person, you’re falling deeper in love and that’s not good at all.
#5 The bad side. Every one of us has flaws. And one of the best ways to get over someone you love is by constantly focusing on their bad side and picking their flaws. Each time you meet this guy or girl or when you remember them, remember their bad side or the things they say that hurt you. It’ll work a lot better if you could even make a list of reasons behind why you need to stop loving this person, and look at it now and then. [Read: The easiest way to get over someone is by hating them]
#6 Avoid getting physically intimate. You may feel like you’re floating on the clouds each time you cuddle up with them or hold their hands. But the moment you walk away from them, you’d come crashing down to the ground. Even if it feels like a stupid thing to do, avoid cozying up with this person. It will do you no good. [Read: 10 casual relationship rules to keep it just casual]
#7 Focus on someone else. Sometimes, the easiest way to get over someone is by getting under someone else. If you’re having a really hard time distracting yourself from the one you love, try to divert your attention to someone else.
It could be a rebound relationship or a bit of flirty banter for a few days. Sometimes, flirting with someone else is by far, the easiest and the most fun way to stop yourself from falling head over heels in love with a particular person. [Read: How to have a no strings attached relationship for a few days]
#8 Distance yourself from them. This can be particularly painful, especially if you’re working with them or are forced to interact with them on a daily basis. But as difficult as this may be, try to avoid them or keep your distance from them.
#9 Ignore or avoid the attention. Even if you’re in a stable relationship with someone, flirty attention from someone you fancy or place in high regard can always make you weak in the knees. So if you’re not ready for anything serious or if you want to avoid falling in love with them, avoid the attention at every instance even if it feels good! [Read: 18 secret signs you may be having an emotional affair right now!]
#10 Realize the difference. There’s a difference between falling in love with someone, and finding someone attractive and interesting. Just because you think a guy or a girl is attractive, fun or really wonderful doesn’t mean you love them.
Perhaps, you’ve just assumed that what you feel is love when it could just be admiration. After all, there is nothing wrong in thinking a particular person is wonderful, and there’s no rule that forces you to fall in love with everyone who seems wonderful. For all you know, the happy feeling you experience when you meet this person could just be admiration for them, and not necessarily love.
#11 Your self-respect. There’s a reason behind why you want to stop yourself from falling in love with this person. And in all probability, it’s a convincing and real reason. So why are you stooping down, behaving like an idiot and losing your self-respect over someone who isn’t good enough for you? You’re worthy of a much better lover and a much better experience from love, and you need to keep that in mind. [Read: The real reason behind why love hurts so much when it goes bad]
#12 Convince yourself. Wait it out. Infatuation stays alive for only as long as you feed it, with thoughts, emotions and fantasies. If you’ve truly made up your mind that you can’t, or don’t want to, see a future with this person, it’s only a matter of time before the feeling of infatuation starts to disappear.
#13 Talk to this person. Does this person know you like them, but don’t want to fall for them? If all else fails, talk to this person and tell them just how you feel. And ask this person to help you get over them. Avoid each other and use the no contact rule. It’ll hurt like crazy for a week or two, but beyond that point, almost suddenly, you’ll start to feel a lot better and more in control of your own life.