If your relationship was worth its weight, it would have brought something to the table by way of a lesson. Unfortunately for you, these lessons are often long, drawn-out, painful, and might make you think twice before embarking on your next love-related adventure.
So why do people continue the search for love everlasting? The truth is, through our trials and lessons learned along the way, we hope to put our experience to good use, and hopefully find the right person who won’t burn us in the future.
Most important things about love you’ll learn from experience
Many people believe we can only put our stamp of approval on a past relationship if we’ve learned something in the process. Below is a list of 12 things you’ll only ever learn and believe from living it out yourself.
#1 Once a cheater… There’s an old adage that goes: Once a cheater, always a cheater. This is one painful lesson you’ll likely only learn from experience. Why? Unfortunately, every girl fancies herself the superwoman, thinking she can be the one to tame the wild horse from his bad boy ways. * first, frustrating eventually. Just remember: if he cheated on his girlfriend with you, he’ll cheat on you with someone else.
#2 Having a mate will not fix all of your problems. While suffering from depression or a simple case of the life blues, some people tend to get the mentality that if they could just be in a relationship, their entire life would be better.
For example, one overweight woman once swore to me she would be the happiest, most confident version of herself once she lost all of her weight. Well, eventually she did drop 80 pounds and had the body of her dreams. The only problem? Not only did she not feel any skinnier, she didn’t feel any happier either. The same can be said for relationships. Just because you have one doesn’t mean everything that bothered you about your life before will magically disappear.
#3 Puppy-love doesn’t last. This is something most people learn in their teenage years. However, it’s only with maturity that you decipher that the lack of butterflies for your partner isn’t a bad thing. It simply means you’ve moved past an emotionally immature portion of your relationship to something more stable and refreshing.
#4 You deserve better than an abusive partner. No matter how badly you want a relationship to work, you’ll never have success if you put the fate of your relationship above all of your other problems. Ignoring serious issues such as spousal abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, or mental issues will only have a damaging effect on both parties in the end, and you’ll be no closer to being happy.
You may love your partner deeply, but if he or she is suffering from a serious issue, and you find yourself miserable every day, you need to convince yourself that this relationship is definitely not worth your time, your energy or your tears. [Read: 16 signs of an abusive relationship]
#5 Rebounds suck, but they’re necessary. Although this sounds a bit harsh, seeing someone before you’re ready to is sometimes necessary to move on. There are people you date for fun, there are serious relationships, and then there are those people you date in between, to get you ready for your next great love. If possible, try to let the other people know you want to keep the relationship totally casual to avoid having to heartlessly hurt their feelings.
#6 To love is not to be weak. Growing up, I used to think that being in love was a giant show of weakness. Saying “I love you” was a tedious game of wondering who would “lose” first, instead of who would give in to the wonderful feelings associated with giving someone your heart.
To be in love, real love, means to work with all of your being at something you believe in, and there is nothing weak emotionally, physically or mentally about that.
#7 Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean it will work out. No matter how hard you try or how fiercely you love, sometimes you simply have to admit defeat in a relationship. This is an incredibly hard thing to face, especially if you still have feelings for someone.
However, so long as you have given the relationship the proper chance it deserved and put your earnest effort into saving it, there is nothing more mature than admitting you are just two people who simply aren’t right for each other.
#8 Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? If you are in a long-term committed relationship, or you are married, then you likely know this one well. Just because you’re right, doesn’t mean you need to say it or fight to prove your point every single time.
In the end, all you will do is end up aggravating your partner. Trust me, it doesn’t exactly make for a comfortable living situation when you’re touting your hat as the one who never does any wrong.
#9 Life isn’t all about you. There comes a point in a serious relationship where you realize that there is a bigger picture in life. Whether you realized this out of a trauma in your life, an illness, or just plain maturity that comes with age, it’s a liberating feeling to know that real love means putting your partner above yourself, granted they would do the same for you.
#10 But sometimes it has to be about you. However, if your partner is not treating you well, then you will eventually learn that your emotional and physical wellbeing is more important than any happiness you could get from a relationship. With time, you realize that you are worth more than being walked on or made to feel badly about yourself on a daily basis.
#11 Forgiveness is the strongest thing you’ll ever do. I once had someone do a terrible thing to me, and after much painstaking debate I decided to stay with him. When I revealed my forgiveness of the situation to friends and family, they all looked at me like I grew a second head, and many even admitted my choice had made them think differently of me.
I was bothered at first, thinking that my friends thought I was weak. However, if you’ve experienced infidelity or another form of betrayal in your relationship or friendship, and have chosen to forgive that person, you will know from personal experience that giving your true forgiveness is one of the strongest things you can ever do.
#12 Life goes on, post-breakup. If you are in the midst of a breakup and you’re still reeling from the pain and shock of it all, then all the people in the world telling you it’ll get better and you’ll meet someone else just isn’t going to cut it.
However, with experience comes wisdom, and the rest of us are here to tell you that life truly does go on after a breakup. Not only will you likely find someone better in the process, you’ll also find yourself.