Everyone who has been in a relationship can agree that being in one takes a lot of work. While being with someone you love can give you feelings of bliss, these feelings will just fly out the window once problems arise. It is said that “love hurts” but is it really supposed to hurt this much?
The tragedy of love
One of the saddest things when one is in a relationship is when one passes the crossroads where you both ask yourselves: should I stay or should I go? Denial is an essential part of human nature, and we would never want to admit to ourselves that something is over, until we say it is over.
There is no perfect relationship because there is no such thing as perfect people. In fact, the world laughs at perfection only because no such thing exists. When two imperfect people meet each other, chaos ensues.
The beginnings of a relationship are defined with feelings of euphoria. These feelings of euphoria would usually cause one “temporary blindness” to their partner’s many flaws and faults. They would often mistake these flaws as adorable little quirks. But as soon as the honeymoon period wears off, one is too often greeted with the horrific truth that one’s partner is nowhere near perfect and is altogether human.
Love is indeed a trickster. When one falls in love, everything becomes an illusion, so it becomes a challenge to identify reality from fantasy. Many who have fallen victim to this illusion find themselves to be trapped in relationships they can’t let go of. They have become resigned to their fates and have built their own prisons.
When does one utter these dreaded words? When one can’t take it anymore. One says these words when quitting seems like the only option. Humans, as stubborn as we are, often view quitting as a form of cowardice. In fact, we would find ourselves to be using all too familiar excuses. “There’s always hope,” we say. “We could get through this,” we tell ourselves. But what happens when we have become so horribly hurt? We find ourselves retreating into a world of fantasy, of self-delusion.
We find that it is so much easier to deny ourselves the cold hard truth, when it comes to letting go of something. We would rather lie to ourselves and to our partner than utter those dreaded two words. In doing so, we have ultimately resigned ourselves to a slow death.
When should you admit that it’s time to let go?
Letting go is one of the hardest things to do, but it is essential for one’s emotional sanity. Is the relationship giving you feelings of regret rather than joy? These 10 signs should help you know whether or not you should call it quits:
#1 You hold feelings of resentment. This burden is something one should never bear, because it carries a heavy weight on one’s heart. If you find yourself to be suffering in silence, all for the sake of “saving the relationship” you are not doing anything to save the relationship. What you are doing is letting resentment eat up your heart. It would slowly start to influence your behavior, and will ultimately lead to the demise of your relationship.
#2 You have lost all respect for each other. A relationship is all about respecting one another, and once that respect is lost, the relationship is as good as dead. There is no way that one should stay in a relationship where there is nothing but disrespect for each other. It will be the ultimate death sentence in a relationship. While people might program themselves to stay, their hearts and souls will be hurting and in due time, all the love will disappear.
#3 You can no longer trust the person. Another essential part of a relationship is trust, and when you cannot even get that from your partner, there is absolutely no reason to continue the relationship. When you find yourself constantly checking your partner’s phone or asking about their whereabouts, you have driven the final nail into the coffin. Trust is an expensive gift, so one should not expect it from cheap people.
#4 You begin to be apathetic. So what if your partner is crying? In fact, you harbor no feelings at all when it comes to your partner’s well-being. You find yourself to hold no feelings of regret over your actions no matter how damaging it gets towards your relationship. Fighting, crying and getting angry are testaments to the fact that you care. If you can’t even bring yourself to fight for the relationship, then the downward spiral will continue.
#5 Emotional blackmail seems to be your tactic. Do you find yourself resorting to emotional blackmail every time your partner makes a move about leaving? This should never, ever define a healthy relationship. It is, by far, the most selfish thing one can do to their partner and should be avoided at all costs.
#6 You have become cold. You know that a relationship is dying a slow death when both partners have started to become cold and distant towards each other. It would slowly eat away at your core, and it becomes emotionally exhausting to be with someone who has absolutely no affection towards you.
#7 There is emotional infidelity. This is one of the most painful things one has to experience in a relationship. While flings and casual encounters with people are not necessarily the things that would kill a relationship, an emotional connection with someone else will spell the death of your relationship.
#8 There is constant lying. It was said in Pinocchio, “A lie keeps growing and growing until it becomes as plain as the nose on your face.” Self-deception and lying to your partner are two different things. Both are relationship killers. You should never pretend to still love someone you clearly have lost feelings for, just because you want to keep them happy. In the same way, you should stop pretending to be happy when you clearly are not.
#9 Physical violence becomes a thing. A healthy relationship doesn’t resort to violence of any kind. No one should subject themselves to any form of violence and abuse, no matter how bizarre your definition of love may be. Such a thing is unacceptable, and when it does happen, do whatever it takes to leave! [Read: 16 signs of an abusive relationship]
#10 Constant fights. While a healthy relationship has its share of fights and arguments, it is unhealthy when everything becomes a major screaming fest. You find yourselves to be going to bed with anger and unresolved issues. In fact, you don’t care whether the conflict is resolved. When this happens, there is a cessation in both partners investing themselves in the relationship.